Runaway
by cabson
Summary: Starts at the end of the episode "Runaway", S2.16, right after Alex leaves Cragen's office. Changed settings to season 13. That means no Stabler but with Amaro and Rollins. Rated M. "Oh, Olivia. What's going on with you? What was going trough your mind when you decided...?" He whispers to himself.
1. Prologue

** Runaway: prologue**

After Captain Cragen and the entire squad, accept for Olivia, blew up in her face Alex opened the door of Cragen's office and walked out. She was hurt with what they all said. Olivia hadn't said a thing.

Alex saw Olivia didn't like it. Didn't like it at all.

She and Olivia had become friends. In fact they were best friends. Alex was attracted to the brunette since the day she walked in the squad room for the first time after she was assigned to SVU as their ADA and slowly started falling for the Detective.

She walked out of the squad room and walks to the interrogation room where the perp is sitting and stops in front of the door for a moment to get herself together and to think about what to do.

She opens the door and just before she closes the door she hears Olivia yelling.

"Who the hell do you all think you are? None of this is Alex's fold. She is the best and the only ADA who always does the best she can for the victims and all of us. Always has our back. And this all she gets from all of you!

Badgering her won't help us. So get your heads out of your asses and back her up for once in your life."

" That's enough Benson. You shut up right now Detective!" Cragen says.

"Or what? Your afraid I'll lose my head Captain?" Olivia countered sarcastically.

" That's it Detective. Your suspended for insubordination for 2 months starting now!" Cragen stated firmly.

"Oh I've got something better for you Captain and for all you guys. You don't have to suspend me Captain. I quit, I don't wanna work with a bunch of assholes that goes after Alex and badgering her like this. She's the best and only ADA that really makes a difference and fight for us!"

And with that Olivia leaves Cragen's office through the door that Alex left open when she walked out.

Nick calls after her. "Liv wait a moment, don't do this it's not worth it."

"Screw you Nick. You are as much an asshole as the rest of them! You lost your right to speak to me when you put in your 2 cents with badgering Alex. So leave me alone and stay with your buddies. I'll drop by later to get my personal stuff from my desk."

By now Olivia had picked up her leather jacket and walks out the squad room.

Nick turns to Cragen.

"Are you happy now Captain. You know her she is stubborn as hell, she's not coming back even if I beg her."

"I handle this myself Amaro. Right now we have a case to solve. I'll talk to Olivia when she calmed down a bit. I'll get her back. Now back to work everybody."

They all left Cragen's office and goes back to work.

After Alex cut the perp a deal, he told the Detectives where they could find Jill.

They found her in an abandoned warehouse but she's already dead.

Cragen informed Sergeant Foster about the loss of his daughter.

When he walks back trough the squad room to his office he sees the devastated looks on the faces of his Detectives. Devastated by the loss of Olivia.

He sighs after closing the door of his office.

" Oh Olivia what's going on with you. What was going trough your mind when you decided to quit?" He whispers to himself.


	2. Chapter 1

When Alex walks in to the squad room at the beginning of the evening she sees the Detectives all doing paperwork.

She sees the looks on their faces and the shoulders hanging. When she looks at Olivia's desk she sees the desk is empty. Looking around the squad room she still don't see the strong brunette.

What's wrong and where is Liv?" Alex asks.

But before anyone can answer a voice is booming in to the squad room.

" Cabot! My office now!" Cragen orders.

Alex walks to his office and closes the door.

" What's going on with guys and where is Liv? Is she ok? Because she was yelling when I went into the interrogation room this afternoon." Alex asks Cragen.

" Take a seat Counselor you'll need it."

Alex takes a seat with a worried look on her face.

" What's wrong Don?"

" Alex, to answer your questions, we found Jill Foster in a abandoned warehouse. She was dead. "

" I'm sorry Don. I know how hard it is for all of you when you lose one of your own or in this case the daughter of one your own." Alex says sincerely.

"Alex that's not why the guys are sitting devastated at their desk or why Olivia isn't sitting at hers.

After you left Olivia chewed out all of our asses because she was really pissed off. That's why you heard her yelling.

I told her to shut up. But she didn't so I told her she is suspended for insubordination, 2 month starting today. She..."

Alex interrupts Cragen and whispers to herself "Dammit Liv, why did you defended me like this?" then speaks to Cragen.

"So that's why Liv is not sitting at her desk. But why are the guys so devastated. I know it's hard to deal with Jill Fosters dead. And Liv being suspended but that doesn't explain that they are so devastated."

"Alex, there is no easy way to tell this so I say it as it is. Olivia is not suspended, she quit.

She said she had something better for me and the guys.

Olivia said that I didn't have to suspend her, that she quit.

Then she walked out. Nick called after her, but she bit his head off. She picked up her leather jacket and left.

That's why the guys are feeling like crap. They worked 4 days straight in a row. Olivia included. The result in the end is a dead victim and a Detective turning in her badge. The best Detective I have, between you and me.

I let her calm down a bit and then talk with her. Try to change her mind and get her back, but you now how stubborn she can be. I'm sorry Alex."

Alex was stunned. She felt guilty that Olivia had quit because of her.

"I'm so sorry Don. I don't know how to make it up to all of you. And I do know how stubborn Liv can be. I'll talk with her. Try to change her mind. I think it's the best chance to get her change her mind. We are friends so maybe that can help us now."

" I think your right. I know you two are friends. So maybe it is for the best if you talk with her.

I know you probably feel guilty because of this. But it's not your fault. I know it doesn't change your mind either but I don't blame you Alex. You did your job. We all got hot and buttered. If it's anyone fault it's ours. Go and take care of your friend and try to change her mind. And what ever the guys will say to you don't take it personal they are hurt because of Olivia and take it out to you."

"The guys will do that because it is my fault and I have to accept the consequences. I go to Liv now.

I let you now if she changes her mind about leaving the force but I can't promise anything right now. Thank you for telling me this Don. I talk to you later."

Cragen just shook his head. The two women working in or with his squad were both stubborn as hell. And he knows that. He only hoped that Alex will convince Olivia and get her back in to work.

" Take care of yourself Counselor and let me now if something changes. Goodbye."

"Goodbye Don." Alex says and walks out of his office and out of the squad room.

Alex is afraid what she'll find when she is at Olivia's apartment and hopes that the brunette let her in. But she knows there is a chance Olivia won't let her in. When she's in this mood she shuts everyone out. Some times even Alex.

Alex still couldn't explain why Olivia did what she did. She knows Olivia can be very protective, especially around her. Alex thinks at times Olivia doesn't even know she does it. But she always makes sure that when they are outside she walks on the street side. When they enter a bar or restaurant she takes in the whole room first. And when they walk to where ever they will be seated she always places a hand on the small of Alex's back guiding her.

But Olivia never has done something this extreme. Chewing out the asses of all the guys and her Captain was nothing like Olivia. And certainly not turning in her badge. Alex knows she needs to find out why Olivia had done all of this.

She knows it probably gonna be one hell of a fight to get the brunette change her mind.

Alex arrives at Olivia's apartment building, greeted by the doorman.

"Good evening Ms Cabot,how are you? Shall I announce your arrival to Detective Benson?"

"Good evening Luis. I'm fine , thank you. That won't be necessary. I'll just go upstairs."

" Very well, Ms Cabot." Luis answers when he closes the door behind Alex.

"Good evening Ms Cabot, I'll open the elevator for you." The security guard says.

"Good evening Ace. Thank you." Alex answers when she walks to the elevator.

Lost in her own thoughts Olivia startled when there is a knock at her door. Who would come here now?And not announced?

" Who is it?" Olivia yells to the door.

Alex takes a deep breath before she answers back.

" It's me Liv. Please, let me in."

Olivia walks to the door but hesitate for moment. She knows it's Alex on the other side of the door. Is she ready for this? This conversation that is following if she opens her door? She knows Alex deserves the truth and an explanation for what happened today.

"Here goes nothing." Olivia whispers to herself and opens the door.

" Alex, what are you doing here? "

Alex looks at Olivia and is concerned.

Olivia looks like crap and her clothes are drenched with sweat.

" Hi Liv. May I come in, please?"

" Yes of course, I'm sorry. Please, come in." Olivia steps aside and opens the door more to let Alex pass her.

She closes the door behind Alex and turns around and walks into the living room.

Alex hangs her coat on the coat rack and follows Olivia to the living room.

" Can I get you something to drink? Tea, coffee or something else?" Olivia asks.

" A cup of tea would be nice." Alex answers.

"Jasmine?" She asks when she turns around and walks to the kitchen.

" Yes, that is perfect." Alex answers and take a seat and leans back at the couch.

She has spent her a lot of time over the years and Olivia's apartment always gives her the feeling she's at home. She doesn't know why but she feels save here when she is with the brunette.

She looks around and sees the photo on the dresser. It's the first photo that was taken of them. She smiles at the memory of the moment it was taken.

Elliot had asked her to let them buy her a drink to celebrate to the outcome of a major case they've had. She had looked at Olivia before answering. The look in her eyes and the 1000 watt smile she received from Olivia told her everything she needed to accept the invitation.

They were having fun and Olivia was really relaxed, joking around with her. One of the guys said that they need to take a picture because no one else had ever been able to put a smile on Olivia's face like Alex just did. So they stood together arms around each others waist and smiling to each other when the photo was taken.

Alex was pulled out of the memory by Olivia's voice.

" Here is your tea. Lex, if you don't mind I would like to take a quick shower. As you can see I'm drenched in sweat. I worked out on the punching bag. Is that ok with you?"

Alex looked up to Olivia's eyes.

" Sure. That's fine. I'll be here. Go take a shower Liv."

" Ok. I'll be back in 10 minutes."

With that Olivia turned around and headed to her bedroom.

After 10 minutes Olivia returned to the living room.

Alex turned her head and what she sees takes her breath away. Olivia is dressed in formfitting crimson blouse, sleeves up to her elbows and the first 3 buttons open. She is is wearing a white undershirt. She wears black slacks and her favorite Breitling watch to complete the outfit.

Alex quickly takes a sip of her tea to recompose herself.

"Lex, don't get me wrong but why are you here?"

Alex knew what happened but she would like to hear it from Olivia.

She hopes the strong brunette let her inside and tell her what happened and why she did it.

"Liv, I'm her because I'm worried about you and I care about you, a lot.

After I left and walked in to the interrogation room I heard you yelling.

When I came back later, in to the squad room, everybody accept for you were there . What the hell happened after I left Cragen's office?"

Olivia looked at Alex for a moment. Looked in those electric blue eyes before she turned her head away.

"I don't know how to do this Lex. I'm afraid if you know it, I'll lose you. Lose our friendship." Olivia whispers and let her head hung.

Alex is shocked by how defeated Olivia looks. She only saw Olivia so miserable just once, almost broken. That was when she went in WPP.

"Olivia, look at me. Liv, please, look at me." Alex begged. But Olivia doesn't turn her head.

Alex puts her fingers gently under Olivia's chin and pulls her head up.

Looking in to brown eyes and made sure she has her attention Alex starts speaking.

"Olivia, listen to me and listen good.

I meant it when I said that I care about you a lot. I promise you I won't walk away if you tell me what happened. So please, talk to me."

"When the guys and the Captain were all badgering you I couldn't let it happen, I couldn't let it go. I was so angry with them. I could see that they hurt you.

I couldn't let them badgering you, hurting you and do nothing. All they cared about was getting off their frustrations and picked you to take it out on.

Things has changed since the first time you came to the precinct bossing us around and today.

I learned that you don't always agree with the options you have or the orders given to you by your bosses. That you have to do it if you like it or not. Or agree with or not. What ever it is that you need to do you always want justice for the victims. You always have our backs. You always fight for the victims and if you can you always fight for us.

It was wrong what they did. If it was a perp attacking you, I would kick his ass. You know that right?

You know that if anyone ever lays a hand at you I will protect you with everything that is in my power. I won't let anyone hurt you not if I can help it. Do you know that Lex? " Olivia says softly almost whispers it.

Alex knew that Olivia cares for her. She didn't realized that Olivia cared for her so much, not until now. She also realized that Olivia could read her better than she thought she did.

She felt the need to reassure Olivia. Now that she was so open with her. Now that she opened up to her.

"Liv, I know that you care about me. I know that you do everything you can to protect me, even when you don't even realize it yourself that you are doing it. You make me feel safe when I'm with you or when you are around me. No one ever did that for me. No one ever cared enough about me. Cared about me the way you do. I think you will do anything just to keep me safe."

Alex decides to ask Olivia what happened. To see if her friend would tell her.

"So what happened after I left Cragen's office? What did you say or what did you do? Because knowing you I think you defended me after I left. Am I right?"

Olivia blushed and looks away for a moment before she looks in cerulean eyes.

"Yes you are right. Guess you know me better then I thought you did" Olivia grinned.

With a serious look on her face she continues.

"I saw the look in your eyes. I knew they had hurt you. It pissed me off. And I decided to chew out their asses. "

For a moment she thinks and decides to tell Alex exactly what she had said.

"Alex, I told them: Who the hell do you all think you are? None of this is Alex's fold.

She is the best and the only ADA who always does the best she can for the victims and all of us.

Always has our back. And this all she gets from all of you!

Badgering her won't help us. So get your heads out of your asses and back her up for once in your life.

After that the Cap told me to shut up. But I couldn't so I replied.

Then he told me that I was suspended for 2 months.

Nobody had said one word.

They meant what they had said to you. I couldn't accept that and I can't.

When the Captain told me I was suspended, I quit."

Alex was now stunned and shocked. She couldn't believe her own ears. Olivia risked getting suspended

for her. Nobody had ever done for her what Olivia had done today.

"Why did you do that Liv? Why did you quit?" Alex asks almost whispering.


	3. Chapter 2

Olivia shrugged. She was afraid and insecure.

"I don't want to work with them acting the way they did. They are supposed to have your back. They let you down and put a knife in your back. I can't protect you against that. I shouldn't need to.

The only thing I did was defending you. They didn't even felt sorry. That was what closed the deal for me.

I can't kick their asses. Not because I couldn't have them because I can. I can kick all their asses before they even know what or who hit them. But I would have been fired. So I choose the only option I had left, I quit.

I had to do it. I'm sorry I let you down. That I didn't say something when you were there."

"Olivia you listen to me. You have never let me down. You chewed out their asses and it got you 2 months suspended. You defended me, how could you let me down if you did that. So you didn't say something when I was there, you did when I left. You stood up for me. You had my back. In a way nobody ever did. You didn't do anything wrong today accept for quitting your job."

Alex thinks for a moment about how to get Olivia take her job back. She decides she need the one to be open now.

" Liv, No one will have my back the way you do. Or protect me like you do. Nobody will defend me like you do. But most importantly nobody will make me feel as safe and protected as you do. Maybe if I talk to Cragen he will cut the time you are suspended. If that's ok with you, talking with him about that I mean. Not about how you or I feel about what happened today.

That is between you and me.

So what do you say Detective Badass? Are you going to have my back again. Make me feel safe and protected. Go back to SVU and make me happy?"

Alex knows that the last part is guess to take and she hopes that it get Olivia back. But she had to. To have a chance to make Olivia change her mind.

Olivia stands up and walks to the window. Looking outside and with her back to Alex.

Her head is spinning of all that Alex had said.

It was silent for a few minutes. Olivia thinks about the things Alex said to her.

_'Can I go back after what happened today?_

_Will I let Alex talk to Cragen about being suspended?_

_I just want her to safe and protected. Oh who am I trying to fool. I do everything for Alex, only Alex. She only have to ask me and look at me with those beautiful blue eyes and I'm toast._

_Be a man Benson. Do what you have to do to make her happy. '_

Olivia turns around and looks Alex in the eyes.

"Do you meant everything you just said?" Olivia asks Alex softly.

"Yes, I meant every word of it."

"Then I'll go back. I want you to be safe and protected. I want you to feel safe and protected and if going back to SVU makes you feel that way then I will do it. Helping victims is important to me.

But probably equally important for me is that you feel safe and protected. I want you to be happy.

So yes, I will go back and if it means I'm suspended for 2 months, that is the price it takes. Although it would be nice if it is less then 2 months. I'm going crazy if I don't have nothing to do for 2 months."

"Thank you Liv. It means a lot to me."Alex says.

Both of their stomachs are grumbling. And it makes them laughing loud.

They laughed their nerves away and were more relaxed now.

" How about you and I have some take out for dinner? You call for that and in the mean time I call Cragen to see if he will give you less time. Deal?" Alex asks.

"Deal. What do you want to have for dinner? I can cook something classy if you like that. Instead of take out."

Alex looks at Olivia first a little bit confused and shocked and then with a mischievous smile on her face.

" Olivia Benson have you been holding out on me?"

"Uhm, guilty your Honor. Yes I cook dinners, pretty good if I say so myself. It's just when I do it, I like to have the time for it. Most of the times I don't have that. But for special occasions I do like to do it. So what do you say Counselor? A home made meal or take out?" Olivia asks winkling with her eyebrows.

"How about take out today and you cook for me somewhere in the next couple of days. I think you've done enough today, Detective. Maybe we could relax a bit and talk some more. Sounds like a plan?"

"Anything you want Counselor, anything you want. So take out tonight and I rock your world somewhere in the next couple of days. What do you want?"

_'I want you. But that's not gonna happen. Not anytime nearby that is. Oh, get your mind out of the gutter Cabot. Liv is straight so it ain't gonna happen ever.'_ Alex thinks.

" You think you can rock my world huh? You are pretty confident about that don't you, Detective?" Alex grinned. "As for now, surprise me. You know what I like."

"Ok. I'll pick something. Since you are gonna call the Cap I gonna go to my study room and call there. See you soon."

Olivia turned around and walks to the study room. She calls and orders some Mexican food. She knows that it's Alex's favorite food. They tell her that dinner will be there in half an hour.

Olivia looks at her piano, she hasn't played for a while. To much damn cases the last few weeks. She needs it now. Playing the piano always give her some rest in her head. And lately her head is spinning. She keeps thinking about a certain blonde ADA, who currently is in her living room. Guessing that Alex while be on the phone with the Captain for a while Olivia starts playing. Normally Olivia only sings with the piano when nobody is around. It helps her clear her mind and relax. Or when she needs to think.

Forgetting that Alex is in her apartment she starts singing.

Meanwhile Alex has finished her phone call. She walks to the study room and hears Olivia playing at the piano. Just when Alex wants to open door she froze. She hears Olivia singing. With a voice so velvet and beautiful that she is completely captivated.

Alex knows that Olivia can play beautiful. Olivia had played for Alex several times. But never had she heard the brunette singing.

Alex quietly opens the door a bit. She doesn't want to disturb the brunette afraid she will stop singing.

Olivia doesn't notice Alex in the door opening lost in her own thoughts.

_'Oh Alex, why do you have to be so perfect. So incredibly intelligent, driven, strong and stunningly beautiful. I know the song that describes you perfectly.'_

Olivia starts playing and singing a song.

_**Like a thunderstorm on a summer day.**_

_**She came out of nowhere and that can say.**_

_**She's a supernova shining through the night.**_

_**A never sleeping satellite.**_

_**She's a damn good reason for the sun to ride.**_

_**When you see her smile in the morning light.**_

_**When she cries, she cries a wishing well.**_

_**Playing hide and seek with the hounds of hell.**_

_**She throws you down to take you high.**_

_**Into her private sky.**_

_**She's so beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful**_

_**beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful**_

_**Magical, mystical, irresistible, cosmical**_

_**A wonderful overkill and most of all beautiful.**_

_**Ooooh ooh ooh aha**_

_**Ooooh ooh ooh**_

_**She's so ooh ooh ooh**_

_**Aha oooh ooh ooh**_

_**Beautiful.**_

_**M mm so beautiful**_

_**You wanna call her name from the highest hill.**_

_**And she's better than a 5 million dollar bill.**_

_**She swims with you to Atlantis coast.**_

_**To keep you safe while the world explodes.**_

_**She's diving down to keep you high.**_

_**Into her velvet sky.**_

_**She's so beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful**_

_**beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful**_

_**Magical, mystical, irresistible, cosmical**_

_**A wonderful overkill and most of all beautiful.**_

_**Ooooh ooh ooh aha**_

_**Ooooh ooh ooh**_

_**She's so ooh ooh ooh**_

_**Aha oooh ooh ooh**_

_**Beautiful.**_

"Oh lex" Olivia whispers before she continuous.

**She's a mermaid who's left her fairytale.**

**She wrote a brand new song for the nightingale.**

**Sometimes I think she's invented but**

**Thank God she's made of flesh and blood.**

**She's everything I've ever missed and more.**

**But most of all she is**

**Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful.**

**Beautiful, wonderful, powerful, magical, mystical**

**Overkill and most of all beau-ti-ful**

**Ooooh ooh ooh aha**

**Ooooh ooh ooh**

**She's so beautiful**

**She's so ooh ooh ooh**

**Aha oooh ooh ooh**

**Beautiful.**

Olivia looks at her watch and sees that dinner will arrive in 10 minutes.She turns around and sees Alex standing in the door opening and suddenly she is nervous.

_'How much did she heard. Did she heard me singing, singing the whole song? Ok Benson take a deep breath, try explain it if she asks.'_

"Hi Alex, dinner will be here in 10 minutes. What is the verdict?"Olivia asks.

" You actually have a choice. Two weeks suspension with pays or 1 month desk duty. That's the best I could do." Alex answers.

Before Olivia can answer her cellphone is ringing.

"Benson."

" Olivia, it's Cragen. Are you alone right now? If you're not go to a place where you are. If Alex is with you right now, keep your game face up Detective."

It takes all for Olivia too keep her face straight. She knows something is very wrong.


	4. Chapter 3

" One moment please, I need to check something."

She gives an apologizing look at Alex and she walks out the room, to her bedroom and closes the door.

" Alright, I'm alone now. I'm assuming I will not be suspended now?"

" Yes you're right. Not now. There is no easy way to tell you this so I'm gonna tell it as it is.

Atkins escaped from Rikers, Olivia."

All the color left Olivia's face. She managed to get a seat just in time.

"How? How is that possible?" Olivia asks.

" I don't know how yet. I'm trying to find that out. But on his way out he left a trail of destroying.

One guard they found him dead in his cell with a note on his chest. Two others bonded and knocked out."

" Dammit. Are they sure, it was him who's done it?"

" He did it or someone did it for him. It's the note he left that is important now. It is for you. It says: Expect more body's from your cases Olivia. You know who they will be if you can figure out why I killed the ones I left for you. I need you here ASAP, Nick is free tonight and the weekend to see his daughter. Olivia, I leave it to you to tell Cabot, now or later. I got the call just after our conversation."

" I tell Alex. I have a feeling we need her sooner than later. Thank you Captain for telling me and let me work on this case."

"Get your ass in here ASAP Benson. Bring Cabot with you since you are gonna tell her now. See you soon. Goodbye."

"Got it. I bring Alex with me. Goodbye Captain." Olivia hangs up.

She picks up the lamp on the night stand and throws it at the wall.

" Fuck you Atkins! Your not gonna destroy my life again." Olivia says to herself.

She gets up and walks out her bedroom to find Alex.

The moment Alex sees Olivia she knows something is wrong. She heard something hit a wall. She knows that something is terrible wrong. She also noticed the badge and her gun on her belt.

"What's wrong liv?"

Olivia takes a seat at the couch. Figuring out how she tells Alex what's going on. Alex takes a seat next to Olivia. She puts her hand on Olivia's thigh.

" Liv, talk to me. What is it that gets you so upset?"

Olivia thinks about for a moment. She realized that she's gonna need Alex to survive this nightmare. Alex is her ADA, so she needs to be filled in. With the tears threatening in her eyes she looks at Alex.

" I'm not suspended because Atkins escaped from Rikers. 1 guard is dead and had a note on his chest. Two were bonded and knocked out."

" Oh my God. Oh Liv, I'm so sorry. How the hell did he escape? And what's written on that note?"

Alex puts her arms around Olivia and pulls her close to her body. Olivia let Alex comfort her. Normally she would resist but it's Alex, so she let her. She needs her.

"The captain doesn't know that yet. He just got the call. The note is addressed to me and it says: 'Expect more body's from your cases Olivia. You know who they will be if you can figure out why I killed the ones I left for you.' That's all I know now. I'm sorry Alex. Captain wants me and you at the precinct ASAP."

"Olivia, there is nothing to be sorry for. You haven't done anything wrong. I still regret that there was nothing I could do back then. Accept for the fact I didn't tell you this:

I've should have let you know that I always will trust and believe your word. Even there is nothing I can do because the law doesn't allow me.

I will help you where ever and how ever I can. I care about you Liv, a lot. If I can't help you as your ADA, I will be there as your best friend.

But I need to do my job, as are you. So don't take it personal if I have to reject you for something.

Not because I want to, but because I have to. OK?"

"Thanks Lex. That's means a lot to me. I know I can count on you.

I know you will be there and believe me or trust me.

Just try to find a way to make that clear to me when I'm all hot and buttered. Because that's gonna happen with this scum back. I care a lot about you too. You remember that when I chew your ass out along this road Atkins is taking us."

" I will Liv. Now let's talk about the fact that you can sing, very beautiful, when we have the time for it. Because I can't believe you've been holding me on that Detective. Cooking, singing what's else did you forget to mention to me?" Alex winked at Olivia.

"Now is not the time Counselor. But I promise you to talk about it with you when the time is right.

Now we need to go before Cap will have my ass twice today. Wanna take a cab together?"

"I pulled my car in the garage. Maybe we should take it otherwise it will be here and I have to come here to pick it up. And we never now when that will be."

"Alex, traffic is a bitch right now, you know that. Let's take a cab and I give you the spare key to my apartment. You can come and go whenever you want to. I will like that very much."

"Liv, I'm honored. I know that it is a big stap. I love to be here. The answer is yes. So let's take a cab and I come back later to get my car."

Olivia walks to kitchen and opens a drawer and takes out the spare key of her apartment and the garage.

" Here Lex, here is a key for the apartment and the garage. That way you don't have to ask the security guard. Now let's go Counselor." Olivia smiles at Alex.

"Thanks Liv, lead the way Detective." Alex answers with a similar smile on her face.

Entering the lobby of the apartment building Olivia turns to Alex.

" Can you wait a moment for me here. I need to talk to Ace for a moment."

Alex smiles. Knowing why Olivia wants to talk with the security guard. "No problem I'll just wait here for you."

Olivia walks to the security guard. "Good evening Detective Benson. What can I do for you?"

"Good evening Ace. Actually the evening is not so good. I have a favor to ask you. Two favors to be correct. First can you check everyone who is not living in this building for an ID and write it up for me? Second check my apartment now and then. If Alex will be alone in the apartment can you clear it first before she goes in? And keep an eye on her? We got a really bad case and I want her safe if she is alone in my apartment. I gave her the key to my apartment and the garage."

" Of course Detective Benson. Consider it done. And I will keep an eye on Ms Cabot if she is here alone. I understand it if you can't answer the question, is Ms Cabot's life in danger or yours?"

" I shouldn't tell you this so keep it to yourself. Alex and maybe my life is in danger. Lets say that a man from one of my previous cases is angry with me. Just to be safe and don't get any surprises here, I ask you to do the things I asked you to do."

" I will do as you asked me to do. Don't worry about this conversation, it never happened. Be careful Detective and have a good night."

"Thank you Ace, have a good night yourself."

Olivia walks back to Alex and the leave the building.

Standing outside the building waiting for the cab Alex sees that Olivia is getting more and more nervous.

"Liv, I can see something is on your mind. What's bothering you?"

"Alex, do you have much work to do at your office?"

"No, I don't. Atkins is the only high rated case at the moment. Why?"

" Do you need to work in your office for that?"

" Not particularly. I can work on it else where if I have the papers. Why? What are you worried about Liv?"

"You. I almost lost you once Lex, It nearly killed me. I can't handle it if something happens to you an other time. Atkins is going crazy, acting out of his mind. Trying to hurt me as much as he can. I just... I just will feel better if you are working at the precinct. Closer to me, so that I know you are safe. I know it's crazy."

"Liv, it's not crazy. I understand it. I've worked at the precinct or in the squad room on a few occasions. Mostly when I needed to wait for you being ready to leave. If it makes you feel better I can work there tonight. That way I will not be alone and I will be safe there. Especially when you are there. I know you won't let anything happen to me. I can't be safer then when I'm with you. So let's go to my office to pick up my case and then go to the precinct. Ok?"

"Thanks Alex. It means a lot to me. So first we go to one Hogan and then to the 1-6. You can work at Nick's desk if you want to. He's of duty tonight and this weekend."

"Ok. That's settled then. I work at his desk tonight. If you need to work this night I can go sleep on your bed in the crib. I don't think you want me to be alone when you don't know where Atkins is. I highly doubt it he will come to the precinct, so I will be safe."

"Are you sure? About sleeping in the crib I mean."

"Yes, I'm sure. Neither of us have to worry if I stay in the crib. I have a spare suit in my office for tomorrow. I can take that with me, so that if it is necessary I have it. If not then I can take it back to my office when I get there."

"Ok. If I have to work during the night you stay in the crib."

Olivia flags down a cab.

" 1 Hogan, please." She addresses to the driver.

They arrive 10 minutes later. Olivia pays the driver and leaves the cab. She offers Alex her hand to get out. Alex accepts the gesture and lays her hand in Olivia's and step out of the cab.

Olivia closes the door behind Alex and they walk into 1 Hogan. Taking the elevator to the 5th floor,

Olivia turns to Alex.

"Alex, do you mind if I clear your office first? Just to be safe?"

"Liv, I locked the door before I left. I'm sure it's safe." Alex answers.

Olivia looks at her with a pleading look in her eyes.

" Do it for me, please?"

"Ok, Liv. For you." Alex unlocks the door and step aside to let Olivia pass and clear the office first.

Olivia pulls her weapon and her flashlight and enters the office. There is nobody there. Then she walks to the en suite bathroom and opens the door slowly. Nobody's in there too. She takes a quick look at Alex's bureau desk and she seesthat there is an envelop on top of it, handwritten and addressed to her and "from: me". Looking around she sees a red light flickering on one of the bookshelves. From where she stands she doesn't think she is visible but taking no risks she walks back to the door of Alex office and closed the door behind her.

"One moment, I have to make a phone call. Stay right with me, please." Olivia says to Alex while she pulls out her cell phone and hits the speed dial button for the Captain.

"Don, it's me. Come ASAP."

"Olivia, where? Your home, Alex's home, Alex's office? What wrong?"

"The third option. Also the unit."

" Olivia, what's going on? Third option, you mean Alex's office? And with the unit you mean CSU?"

" Yes that's what I mean. Sorry Don what are you saying? I thought I heard a bird flying."

" Bird flying? O damn it Benson. You mean her office is bugged? Are there camera's too?"

" Yes, I think that's right. I know I saw them flying. I've got to go. See you later."

" Ok Benson, I got it. Are you and Alex alright? We'll be there in 10 minutes. I call CSU. Keep Cabot and yourself safe in the mean time, get that?"

"Yes, fine. Will do that. 10 is ok. Goodbye Don."

"Goodbye Olivia."

Olivia hangs up and motion to Alex to follow her. Alex hesitates but the look on Olivia's face leave no room for discussing it. So she just follows Olivia.

Olivia walks to the restroom at the end of the corridor. Goes inside and closes the door behind Alex.

Alex is getting frustrated.

" What's going on, Olivia? Why can't I go into my office? And what's with the schizophrenic way you were talking when you called? You are acting strange."

"Alex, I will answer you questions in a moment but first I have to ask you a few questions, please , I'll explain it after that. I promise."

" Fine, but it better be a good explanation."

"Alex, when did Jennifer leave? And how late did you leave?"

" Jennifer left at 5 pm. I left around 6 and went to the precinct why? What has my secretary has to do with this?" Alex asks.

"Because something is seriously wrong. When I opened the door to your office I saw nothing. I checked the bathroom, all clear. Then I saw an envelop on your desk. It was addressed to me and the sender was "me" nothing more. We both now who me is I think. Then I saw a red light flickering on one of the bookshelves. That's when I left your office as quick and stealth as possible. Alex, I think your office is bugged after you left, there is a camera at least. That's why I was having a cryptic conversation with the Captain. If there are microphones as well, I didn't give anything away. Captain and the rest of the squad are on their way. He calls CSU to come over too. I can't take any risks. I hope I haven't give a way much in your office. Better keep the dogs asleep instead of waking them up.

I'm sorry for acting strange, I didn't have a choice. I don't know if your office is bugged with microphones so I couldn't talk out free or talking with you with out given something away. Sorry."

"Wait a second, let me get this straight. There was someone in my office leaving a letter for you? They planted a camera there witch you saw, so not very well hided. And the person or persons who did that were there somewhere between 6 and now?"

" Yes that's right. Although the camera is hided. I only saw it because I noticed the envelop on your desk and looked around after that and it was dark. Anyway the Captain and the rest of the squad will be here in 10 minutes. And the CSU will come here too. Until they are here, you and I are going to stay here. I'm not taking any chances right now. We don't know when it was done and if he is still in the building."

" Dammit, this day can't get more worse now."

"Alex, don't jinx it, please."

" Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. But I'm glad that you wanted to clear my office first."

"Yeah me too. I had feeling that something wasn't right. But you know what this means right?"

" No, what do you mean?"


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N I apologize for the time between this chapters. I've been very busy. Thank you for the reviews. It means a lot to me to get them. So please continue writing them. Now let's go back to the story.**

Chapter 4

" That you and I are probably getting a protective detail, not that I need it or want it. Depending on what's in the envelop. But I don't think it will be an thank you card or something like that."

"Like hell you do! Some lunatic is terrorizing the city and threatening you. Then he left an envelop in my office. My locked office that is. And there is a camera in it. And God knows what else we haven't detected yet. If Cragen orders a protective detail for you, you better accept it Detective!"

"Hold your horses, counselor. We see that when we get there. And what do you want to do if I refuse?"

"A lot more then just chew your ass out. I strongly advice you to do as he says, unless you want me to go on a war path against you!"

"Ok, let's make a deal. If, and only if, he orders a protective detail, you will get one too. We're gonna stay at my place together until it's off. No negotiation possible, counselor!"

"Fine, deal. But you better stay put and don't play hero on your own Liv. I know you wanna get this guy. Just don't do it, for me. I would be sick of being worried for you."

"I won't Lex. I promise you. You probably need a shrink after wards, but I promise not to act on my own."

"Why would I need that?" Alex asks raising one eyebrow questionably.

"Because if I get a protective detail, cap is gonna take me of the case. And I'm going to get crazy staying at home without working. Which means you will going to be crazy."

" I think there will be enough things to do to keep you distracted for a while. So you and I won't go crazy, Detective."

"If you say so, counselor. But let's not go ahead and wait first to what will happen. The captain and the rest of the squad should be here soon now."

A few minutes later Olivia got the call from Cragen that they are there and so is CSU.

Olivia looks at Alex for a moment and takes her in a hug.

"Ready for this?" Olivia asks Alex.

"I'm as ready as I can be."

"I'll be right at your side, Alex. What ever we find. I'll do anything to keep you safe. But first I need to face the guys after I chewed out their assess."

"I know you do anything to keep me safe, Olivia. You guys will talk it out later. Just try to keep calm and don't start again. I'm here for you too. I've got your back, like you have and had mine."

"Ok. Let's go then Counselor."

"Lead the way, Detective."

They separated and Olivia tells Alex to stay behind her. She pulls her gun, get the safety off and opens the door slowly. Olivia looks around her and everything looks fine so she opens the door and staps outside. Alex follows right behind her. They walk trough the corridor and they see everybody waiting in front of Alex's office.

When they stand in front of them Olivia turns to Alex.

"Alex, may I have your keys please?"

Alex looks in her purse and hand over the keys to Olivia.

Olivia give the keys to Morales and points at the key for the door of Alex's office.

Morales opens the door and the CSU guys are walking in the office. Searching the whole office they find 1 camera with a mic and mic in the phone on Alex's desk. The bathroom turns out clean. They get a set of fingerprints off the phone and the envelop. After clearing the office the went outside.

Morales turns to Olivia.

" We found 1 camera with a mic and 1 mic in the phone on Ms Cabot's desk. We have fingerprints on the phone and the envelop. I suggest you open the envelop now to see what's in it and then we can take all the evidence to the lab."

Morales holds up the envelop for Olivia. Olivia puts gloves on and takes the envelop.

She looks at Alex for comfort and opens the envelop. Inside the envelop is a letter.

Olivia reads it.

_You will be busy tonight Olivia. Finding out how I got in your prosecutor girlfriend's office. Investigating 2 murdered women. Whom by the way I have had my way with. Oh and watch your back and the back of your blonde bitch girlfriend of course. Aren't you curious how I find that out? I won't let you wait for that. You can find the answer in your apartment. Remember I can see you. And the two of you are next on my list. I don't know yet who goes first. Maybe I should have some fun with you first before I kill you and then her. On the other hand I think I let you watch first. That is so much more fun. Watching how I have my way with her, kill her and there is nothing you can do about it. Have a nice evening Detective. I see you soon._

Olivia gives the letter to Cragen. With a murder look in her eyes and a deadly cold voice she says " I'm gonna cut his balls and shove them down his throat."

Cragen reads the letter and not even half way trough he understands why Olivia said that. When he's finished he turns to Olivia. Just before he starts to speak his cellphone rings.

"Captain Cragen."

…...

"We'll be right there." Cragen looks at Olivia and sighs.

"Olivia, we have no choice..."

"Hell no. I ain't going there. No f*king way."

"Yes you do. It's an order."

"No. I'm not going. What are you gonna do arrest me?"

"If I have to, yes."

Alex interrupt their argument.

"Can one of you two tell us what's going on?"

Cragen glares at Olivia before he starts speaking "Short version is Olivia and Alex are both an target. The phone call was dispatch, we have 2 rape-murder victims both women. Which was mentioned in the letter. Atkins broke in Alex's office and Olivia's apartment."

To spare Alex and Olivia, Cragen didn't told them that Atkins had said that Alex was Olivia's girlfriend and that he had some kind of evidence about that left in Olivia's apartment.

Munch, Fin, Amanda and Alex were stunned. They look from Olivia to Cragen and back. Trying to digest the bomb that Cragen dropped in their lap.

Alex was the first that recovered.

"What are we going to do now? Where is the crime scene?"

"We don't know where the crime scene is. The women are dropped in front of the precinct. As for what we're going to do, Munch and Fin you two go back to precinct and start to investigate the double rape-murder. Amanda you and I go with CSU, Alex and Olivia to Olivia's apartment. After we're done there we go back to the precinct. Let's go. We have work to do. And keep your heads clear."

They broke up and Munch and Fin went back to the precinct. CSU packed the evidence and went to their cars. Morales went to the lab with the evidence. Leaving Cragen,Amanda, Alex and Olivia standing in front of Alex's office. Cragen looks at Olivia.

"I don't know whether it's true or not, but I think you should to tell Alex and Amanda what else was mentioned in the letter. We can fill in Munch and Fin later."

Olivia knows that by saying this that Cragen gives his blessing, if they would have been lovers.

She only hopes that by telling Alex what's in the letter it won't have a negative outcome for them.

Taking a deep breath first Olivia turns to Alex to be able to look the blonde in her face.

"Atkins said that you are my prosecutor girlfriend, well actually he called you my blonde bitch girlfriend after that. He said that the answer how he found that out is in my apartment. I need to watch my back and the back of my blonde bitch girlfriend. We are next on his list. He said you go first and that he makes me watch how he rapes and then murder you because that is more fun. Forcing me to watch and there is nothing I can do. I don't know what he has left in my apartment. You are not my girlfriend. So there is nothing to proof. But that doesn't mean that the bastard ain't pissing me off."

Alex blinks with her eyes.

"Let me get this straight. Atkins claims that I'm your girlfriend and that he has evidence to proof it? Which he can't have because I'm not. He broke in my office and somehow he managed to get in to your apartment? And he if he could get us he makes you watch how he rapes and kill me first? He thinks that you will give in without a fight? How stupid is he? Does he have a death wish? There is no way you will surrender without kicking the crap out of him or at least try it. So I guess that we will get a protective detail?"

Before Olivia gets the chance to respond Cragen speaks up.

"Alex, you've got it right. Only you won't get a protective detail. After we are done at Olivia's apartment we go back to the precinct. From the precinct you both are going together to a safehouse. No discussion, Detective. You both are going!"

Alex looks at Olivia.

" You remember our conversation about this. You also remember the promise you made to me? So you will go to a safehouse with me, Detective!"

"No Alex, I made a promise to you that I would accept a protective detail and stay with you in my apartment. I did not promise nor did I agree to go to a safehouse, Counselor!"

"Liv, do you remember the rest of our conversation? If you do, then go with me."

Looking in Olivia's eyes she add silently "don't make me beg in front of them."

"Ok, you win. I'll go with you."

Cragen and Amanda are looking at Alex and Olivia and then at each other thinking the same thing.

'What the hell happened between them, that Olivia will go with Alex without putting up a fight?'

Cragen looks at Alex and Olivia.

"We go to Olivia's apartment to see what he left and the go straight back to the precinct. No packing suitcases or backpacks. We will bring the both of you your clothes and anything else tomorrow."

"I have a extra suit in the bathroom of my office. I take that with me now." Alex says.

"I have a extra set of clothes in my locker at the precinct I take that with me." Olivia answers.

"Fine. Get your suit now, Counselor. Olivia you go with Alex. We stay here. You have 5 minutes ladies. Then we'll go to Olivia's apartment."

"Thank you" Alex and Olivia saying at the same time.

"Come on, Counselor. Let's get your suit." Olivia says.

Alex gives Olivia a nod and let Olivia lead her into her office.

Olivia closes the door once she's inside. Alex went to the bathroom to get her suit. When she comes back she drapes her suit over the arm of the sofa. And turns around to face Olivia.

"Liv, I want you to know that what ever happens I've got your back. I will be there for you."

"Thank you, Alex. It means a lot to me. More then you probably know. I don't know what we will find at my place, but what ever it is I don't want it to ruin our bond. I care for you a lot, Alex. I'm afraid that what ever it is it will change our relationship in a bad way."

"Olivia, nothing we will find can change our relationship. We've been trough so many obstacles. And we survived every one of them. I won't let some bastard of a perp destroy that. What ever it is I hope it will bring us closer to each other instead of breaking up."

"You always know what to say to make me feel better don't you Counselor?"

"No I don't. But I'm glad I do. I care for you a lot too, Detective. I know this whole case is tearing you apart. I know you don't wanna go to a safehouse. So I wanna thank you for coming with me. It's means a lot to me. I don't want you to get hurt. Or worse. Thank you, Olivia."

"Alex, when it all comes together there ain't much you can't make me do. I know I'm stubborn and I will kick and punch before I give in. But sooner or later I will do what you ask me to do. Especially when it is really important like this."

"Well you certainly kick and punch, Detective. I have a feeling this conversation ain't over yet. But now is not the time nor the place. How about we reschedule this to the safehouse? Where we be alone and have the time for it."

"I like the way you think, Counselor. And you're right, Lex. There is more for us to talk about. But like you said. Now ain't the time nor the place. Let's get this conversation continued in the safehouse. Right now we need to go to my apartment. Please Alex, what ever it is we find don't let it change us."

"Don't worry, Liv. I now you are scared and afraid. But you have to trust me in this, my Detective."

" I trust you with me life, my dearest ADA. Now let's go before Cragen comes in here and get us."

"Lead the way, Detective. I will follow."

And with that the left Alex's office and joined Cragen and Rollins again.

"Ok ladies. Ready to go?" Cragen asks.

"Yes we're ready. Just want to say, what ever we will find there Captain, Alex and I are not in a romantic relationship. We are really close as friends."

"Don't worry Detective. Or you Alex. I know that if the two of you were in a romantic relationship you would have told me or Liz. For now just put your game face on Detective, Counselor. Don't let this get into your head anymore then it already is."

"Thank you for understanding this Captain."

"Olivia, you don't have to worry. What ever it is that we find at your apartment I won't judge you or Alex. Your personal life is personal and none of my business. I now you and Alex are close friends. And I believe you what you when you say it. Just want you to let you know I have your back if needed." Amanda says.

"Thank you, Amanda. Now let's go and get over with this." Olivia answers.

They all nodded. Cragen and Amanda walking in front. Alex and Olivia just behind them.

Olivia puts her hand on the small of Alex's back. Alex turns her face to Olivia and smiles at her.

She puts her hand on top of Olivia's and squeezes it gently before she let it go.

They got into the car Cragen in the passenger seat. Amanda behind the wheels. Alex and Olivia are sitting close together in the back of the car. Preparing themselves for what is coming.


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. Although this story is actually writing itself, I would like to ask for your patience. I try to update as often as possible and as soon as possible. Thank you all for understanding. Now let's go back to this chapter.**

Chapter 5

The four of them arrived at Olivia's apartment building. They walk inside and Olivia walks to Ace. The rest of them waited inside the lobby with Luis.

"Good evening Ms Cabot." Luis says.

"Good evening Luis." Alex answers back.

Cragen and Amanda looked at each other. Thinking the same thing.

'Looks like Alex is here more often then we thought if the doorman knows who she is and she knows the doorman by his first name.'

"Good evening Detective Benson."

"Good evening Ace."

"I went upstairs to your apartment to check it like we agreed. But before I entered your apartment I got a feeling something wasn't right. I was just about to call you. I know not to enter a building when something ain't right and call the cops. Since it is your apartment I thought better net to enter it and just call you."

"Thank you Ace. Don't say anything about it though. My captain and an other detective are standing over there by Alex. Just play along and do what I ask if necessary ok?"

"Yes of course Detective Benson. Don't worry I won't say a thing about our agreement."

"Ok I want you to go upstairs with us. Can you leave the desk to do that?"

"Yes, I can do that, no problem."

"Ok, just wait here." Olivia says and walks back to Alex and the others.

"Let's go upstairs. I asked Ace, the security guard, to join us." Olivia said.

"You take the lead, Olivia." Cragen says.

They walk to the elevator and Olivia gives a nod to Ace. He opens the doors form the elevator and walks around the desk to join them.

Olivia looks at Alex before she enters the elevator Alex follows suit behind her. The rest of them follows and stay behind Alex, Olivia and Ace.

When the elevator stops they walk to the front door of Olivia's apartment. Olivia gives Alex a quick look before she opens the door.

As soon as she opens the door and stapped inside she knows something is wrong. Very wrong. She looks at her feet and froze.

"Ace, take Alex with you and go to your office and stay there. Captain you go with Ace and Alex."

Alex is about to object until she sees the look on Olivia's face. She instinctly knows that something is wrong.

"Liv, what's wrong.?"

"Lex, go with Ace and the captain, please. I will explain it later to you."

"Ok. Just be careful." Alex says

"I will. Now go."

Cragen knows better then to ask Olivia what's going on. Clearly she doesn't want Alex to know it right now. So he just gives the brunette a nod.

Olivia looks at Ace.

"Got it Detective Benson. Don't worry I take Alex to my office and make sure she will stay there. If you need me to do anything else just let me know."

'Thank you Ace. Now please go."

Alex goes back into the elevator with Ace and Cragen. When the doors are closed Olivia looks at Amanda.

"Call Fin and ask him and Munch to come over here. They need to take Alex to the safehouse as soon as possible. No matter what Alex says or threats with. She needs to go right away."

"Ok I will call him. But what about you? If Alex needs to go now, don't you have to go to? Now I mean."

"Yes I need to go too."

"So why don't you stap back and go to Alex? Let me search your apartment."

"Because I can't move. Look down at my feet Amanda."

Amanda looks down at Olivia's feet and sees the red laser line interrupted by Olivia's legs. She looks around and sees the bomb at the and of the laser line. She looks back up to Olivia.

"Now you understand why I can't move and I wanted Alex out of here and into the safehouse?"

"Yes I do. I call the bombsquad. Stay still Olivia. Although I think I don't need to say that."

"Just make sure Alex is out of the building before they arrive. If she finds out what's going on she won't leave. Call the Captain and put the phone to my ear, please."

Amanda pulls out her cellphone and dials Cragen. Then she puts the phone to Olivia's ear.

"Captain it's Olivia. Can you come upstairs without Alex? Make sure Ace stays with Alex in his office. You can trust him."

"Ok. But why?"

"Just do as I ask Captain. I will explain it when you're here. Please?"

"Ok. I'll be there in 2 minutes."

"Thank you."

Cragen hangs up. He turns to Ace and Alex.

"I need to get upstairs. Alex, you stay here with Ace. You got that?"

"Yes, I get it. Besides Olivia asked me too. And I don't want her to worry over me. So I do what ever she wants me to do."

"Good to know that Counselor. Now I go. Stay safe Cabot!" With that Cragen left Ace's office and went back upstairs.

In the mean time Olivia talks with Amanda.

" When Cragen gets here you go downstairs. Make sure that Alex goes with Fin and Munch. When they are gone you come back here. You call Fin first. They should be here in 15 minutes with sirens on. You call the bombsquad after 10 minutes. That way they won't be here sooner then Fin and Munch. And Alex will be out of here. Ok?"

"Are you sure you want call the bombsquad first? I mean..." Amanda started to talk but Olivia breaks in.

"Do as I told you to do, Rollins! There is no timer on the bomb so as long as I stand still it won't go off. I want Alex safe and out of here first."

"Ok, ok, I get it. "

The elevator beeps and they know that Cragen is upstairs.

"Go Amanda. Call Fin while you go downstairs."

Amanda speed dials Fin as she walks fast to the elevator. She almost ran into Cragen.

"Fin, it's Amanda. Where are you and Munch right now?"

"We are on our way to Olivia's apartment. Why?"

"Get here as fast as you can. The two of you need to take Alex to a safehouse as fast as possible. And you need to take her away from here fast. When Olivia enterted her apartment she got into a laser line. There is a bomb in her apartment. There is no timer on it but Olivia can't move otherwise it will go off. She wants Alex out of the building before the bombsquad arivves. Because if Alex finds out that there is a bomb she won't leave."

"Damn it. Are you sure there is no timer on it? Alex is gonna freak out when she finds out."

"That's exactlly why Olivia wants her out of here. And Olivia is sure there is no timer on it. How fast can you be here?"

"We will be there within 5 minutes. Go get Cabot ready. As soons as we leave you call the bombsquad. Damn it. Sick son of bitch!"

"Ok. I make sure Cabot is ready to leave. See you soon." Amanda ends the call. She walks to Ace's office.

"Alex, Fin and Munch will be here within 5 minutes. Olivia wants you to go with the to a safehouse right away. She will follow you as soon as possible. Please, go with them."

"Why? What's going on Rollins? What aren't you telling me?"

"Please, Alex just go and do what Olivia wants. She promised you she will let you know what's going on as soon as she can. Right now she needs you to leave. She wants you to be safe, so that she doesn't have to worry about you."

"She better get a really good explanation for this. But alright. I'll go with them. If that's what Olivia want then I'll do it. I know she wants to keep me safe. There is no reason to make her worry more then she already does."

"Thank you Alex. Now Fin and Munch should be here soon." Just as Amanda finished that sentice Fin an Munch walks inside.

"Ready to go Alex?" Fin asks.

"Yes." Alex answers.

"Let's go then." Fin says. They walk out of the building towards the unmarked car. As soons as Alex is in the car Fin turns to Amanda.

"Call the damn bombsquad right now Amanda. Liv's life is on the line."

"I know that. You two make sure Alex is safe."

Fin nods at Amanda and gets in the car and took off as fast as he can.

Amanda walks back inside calling the bombsquad at the same time. She walks to Ace.

" You need to clear the building right away. There is a bomb in Detective Benson's apartment. I called the bombsquad and they are on their way. Detective Benson wanted to make sure that ADA Cabot was out of the building first. I suggest you start with the floor of Detective Benson first."

"Holy crap. Is Detective Benson alright?"

"She is standing in the laser line of the bomb so no she ain't alright."

"Oh damn it. Luckily there are not many owners in the building right now. Detective Benson is the only on her floor. On the 1st floor there are two apartments occupied at the moment. On the 2nd floor there is one apartment. And on the 3rd floor 3 apartments. On the 5th floor also one. If you can you can go to the 5th floor? I'll take the other ones. It's appartment 5c."

"I'm sorry I need to go to Detective Benson's apartment right now. Can't the doorman take the 5th floor and the 3rd floor?"

"Yes of course no problem. I'll make sure everyone leaves the building as soon as possible. After that I will come to Detective Benson's apartment."

"Thank you very much, Ace. That will mean a lot to Detective Benson."

In the mean time Cragen is upstairs at Olivia's apartment with Olivia.

" What's going on Benson? Why did Amanda almost ran into me?"

"Because she needs to get Alex out of here as soon as possible. She is calling Fin and Munch to take Alex to a safehouse right now. Captain there is a bomb in my apartment. Amanda will call the bombsquad as soons as Alex is out of here."

"A bomb? For christ sake, Olivia! Why are you still here? We need to evacuate this building as soons as possible. Move your ass Detective!"

"I can't Captain. If I move the bomb goes off. You see the laser line down on my legs?"

Cragen looks down at Olvia's feet and sees the red laser line. He follows the line with his eyes and sees the bomb inside of Olivia's apartment. He curses.

" That's why you want Alex out of here. And that's why you want her out of here before the bombsquad arrives. There is now way in hell Cabot will leave once she finds out you are standing on a bomb."

"My point exactly. Amanda will take care of Alex and the bombsquad. In the mean time I need you to do me favor Captain."

"Sure Liv. What do you want me to do?"

"I need you to take a recording for Alex. Just incase I won't make it. Can you do that for me?"

"You will get out of here alive, Olivia. I will take a recording for Alex. I just want to know why? Why do you need a recording for Alex?"

"Because I love her Captain and I need her to know that. We aren't in a relationship currently but we are close to that. I want Alex to know that I love her if I won't make it."

"Well it's about time you two finally figure that out. The two of you have dancing aroud each other for years. For what's it's worth. You have my blessing Olivia. You will get out here alive and tell Alex you love her yourself. You'll go to the safehouse to as soon as you're out of here."

"Thank you Captain. It means a lot to me. Now can we please take the recording for Alex?"

"Yes of course." Cragen takes out his cellphone, switches his camera to recording holding it in front of Olivia and pushes the start button.

" Hi Lex. If you see this video it means I didn't make it. I want you to know that my thoughts were with you the last moments of my live. I hope you can forgive me for getting you out of the building so fast. But I couldn't bare the thought you were here and not be safe. You are the most important person in my life, Lex. Now I know at least you are safe. You know, Lex we didn't continued our conversation. The one we were having in my apartment before we left to your office? I tell you now how I feel about you so that you know how I feel about you. I love you Alexandra Cabot. I love you with all my heart. I wished I told you that earlier. But I didn't and know this is the only way you will know. I love you more then life itself. You are the smartests, most intelligent, most cunning, most humorous and most beautiful woman I've ever met. You are sexy as hell. And with your black glasses on you are drop dead gorgeous. You are the best prosecutor New York has. Hell you are the best damn prosecutor this country has. And don't let anyone make believe you otherwise. I know you will devastated when I'm gone. But just remember. I died as a happy woman. Because I've had you in my life. Take care of yourself Counselor. That's the only thing I wish. I love you Alexandra Cabot! Don't you ever forget that! Goodbye my love."


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

As Olivia was finished, Cragen pushed the stop button.

"Thank you very much Captain. You don't now how much this means to me."

"I think I have a pretty good idea. But you are welcome Olivia."

"Don't tell the guys about this, please. Just keep it between Alex and yourself should it be necessary."

"Your secret is safe with me, Liv. Don't worry about it. I will look after Alex if, and I mean if, you won't make it. I'll make sure she gets this recording on a DVD. So that she can look it back if she wants to."

"Thank you. And thank you for looking after her if you need to. Amanda should be back here soon. So let's end this part of the conversation."

"Sure Detective."

"Captain, I'm sorry for today. Clearly it isn't mine. I shouldn't have said what I said. It's just that I couldn't let all of you badger Alex like that. That however doesn't justify the words I used to do it."

"It's ok, Olivia. None of us is holding it against you. I understand where you came from. So does everyone else. We all know that Alex and you have a bond. How couldn't you with all that you have been trough. Don't worry about that Olivia."

"No I have other things to worry about. Like standing still right now. I have to admit that I'm scared. I'm not freaking out. But I am scared though."

"That is perfectly understandable Olivia. It would be weird if you aren't scared when you are standing on a bomb."

"It's harder then I thought it would be. Standing still I mean."

"I know. But it's not like you have a choice right now. I'll stay here with you, Olivia. You won't be alone."

At that moment Amanda comes back at Olivia's apartment.

"Hey, how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine given the circumstances. Is Alex safe?"

"Fin and Munch took her with them. They are on their way to the safehouse as we speak. Ace is clearing the building with the doorman. He will come back here once he's done."

"Thank God." Olivia whispers.

"Thank you Amanda. For all you have done. I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier this day. I shouldn't have done that. It's not an excuse but I couldn't stand the way everyone was badgering Alex. I could have used different words though. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about that Olivia. We all were frustrated and I have to admit that I took it out on Alex. You had every right to stand up for Alex. What you said made me think about it and you are right. Alex always has our back and we all took it for granted. So I want to thank you for opening my eyes. Alex deserves more then she gets from us. You made me realize that. And although it ain't necessary I accept your apologies. But really I need to thank you. So thank you for kicking my ass and let me appreciate all that Alex does for us."

"Thank you Amanda that means a lot to me. So we're good?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"Where is that damn bomb squad? How long ago did you call them?"

Amanda looks at her watch.

"About 10 minutes ago. They should be here any minute now."

They heard the bell of the elevator. It was Ace coming out of it. He walks up to them.

"Are you alright, Detective Benson?"

"Could have been better, Ace."

"The building is clear accept for the four of us. Luis is outside too. Ms Cabot went with the other two detectives. So she is safe too. I thought you would like to know that."

"Thank you, Ace. You've been such a great help so far."

"Luis will call us as soon as the bomb squad arrives."

"Ok. When they are here you should go downstairs too, Ace."

"I will Detective Benson. Is there anything else I can do for you right now?"

"No, I'm afraid not. But thank you for offering, Ace"

"Just hold on Detective Benson, I know they will get you out of here. You will be safe."

"I hope you're right Ace, I hope you're right."

Ace his cellphone rings.

"Yes?"

"It's Luis. The bomb squad is here."

"Thank you, Luis. I will be downstairs in a few minutes." Ace closes his cellphone.

"The bomb squad is here. So I'll go downstairs now. Take care Detective Benson."

"I will. Now go Ace. It's to dangerous to stay here. Thanks again for all you have done. And thank you for taking care of Alex."

"No problem Detective Benson. It has been my pleasure to take care of Ms Cabot. I see you later. Goodbye Detective Benson."

"Goodbye Ace."

Ace walks back to the elevator and goes downstairs and outside the building.

The bomb squad made their way inside and goes to the 4th floor where Olivia's apartment is.

They walk to Olivia's apartment.

One man speaks up.

"My name is Lt. Casey Robinson. I'm in charge tonight."

Cragen speaks up for the others.

"I'm Captain Donald Cragen with the Manhattan SVU. These are Detective Olivia Benson and Detective Amanda Rollins." He points to Olivia and Amanda.

"Detective Benson can you tell me what we are looking at?"

"As far as I can see it's a laser triggered bomb. No timer. I'm standing right in the laser line. When I move I think it goes off."

"You are sure that there is no timer?"

"I don't see a timer nor a cellphone. So that makes me think it is a laser bomb."

"Well the good news is that it won't go off by a remote or by time limit. The bad news is I have to look at it to be sure if we can defuse it. What ever it the outcome is I need the two of you out of here" Lt. Robinson says to Cragen and Amanda.

Amanda looks at Cragen and then at Olivia.

"I won't go anywhere. I'm staying with Detective Benson."

"She is my Detective. I won't leave her side. I'm staying here too." Cragen answers.

"I'm sorry. Protocol says you have to leave." Lt. Robinson answers.

"Screw protocol. I ain't going anywhere." Amanda stated.

Olivia decides to break in.

"Lt. Robinson you can argue here with Amanda and the Captain. But I just want the damn bomb defused. I'm standing still here for about an hour. And I can't take it much longer. So just do your damn job and defuse the damn bomb and get me out of here!" Olivia says angrily.

"But..." Robinson tries.

"NO BUTS. DEFUSE THE DAMN BOMB!" Olivia yells.

"I don't now for sure that I can."

"Then go and look if you can. Do your damn job. For heavens sake."

"Ok. No need to get violent."

"When it's you standing on a bomb for an hour, you get the right to say so. Until then just do what you have to do and keep your comments to yourself Lieutenant."

Robinson nods. He puts his suit on and walks by Olivia inside her apartment.

In the mean time Fin, Munch and Alex arrives at the safehouse. Fin and Alex staying in the car while Munch checks out the safehouse. It's all clear and he walks back to the car.

"All clear. We can go inside now." Munch says.

Fin and Alex get out the car and the three of them walk to the safehouse and go inside.

When they are inside Alex turns to Fin.

"What's going on, Fin? I'm not going anywhere. So you can tell me now."

Fin looks at Munch who just shrugs his shoulders.

"Which one of you are going to tell me what's going on?" Alex asks again.

"Thanks for the help partner." Fin says.

"Hey my retirement is around the corner. Don't blame me for wanna make it to that."

"So that give you the right to take mine?"

Alex starts losing her temper now.

"If you don't tell what's going on, none of you will make it to that! I can promise you that. Now spit it out, damn it!"

"Ok. Ok. No need to twist my arm." Fin says. He takes a deep breath and explains to Alex what's going on at Olivia's apartment.

"There is a bomb in Liv's apartment. And..."

"Bomb? What do mean there is a bomb? What bomb? Why is Olivia still there.?"

"When Olivia entered her apartment she saw a bomb. A laser bomb. She can't leave. That's why she is still there."

"What do you mean she can't leave. She just have to walk away and come here. There is nothing difficult about that. Just move one foot for the other."

"That's the point she can't walk away."

"What do you mean? She saw the bomb and noticed it's a laser bomb. So all she has to do is turn around and walk away."

"She can't. Alex, Liv is standing on it. She stands in the line of the laser. If she moves it goes off."

"Oh my God. Let me get this straight. Liv is standing on bomb that will go off if she moves? That means... That means... Damn it, Liv. No this can not be true. Tell me this a sick joke. A really really sick joke."

"I'm sorry Alex, I wish it was a sick joke. But it isn't. Olivia wanted you out of the building before the bomb squad came in. I'm sorry."

Alex couldn't breath anymore. She felt her whole world crushing down. Olivia is in life threatening situation and there is nothing she can do.

"NO NO NO NO. SHE CAN'T DIE. LIV YOU CAN'T DIE, I NEED YOU! NOOOOOOOOOO." Alex screams before she collapse on the floor.

She starts shaking. Rocking with her body. Mumbling words that neither Fin or Munch can hear.

Fin and Munch are looking at each other shocked with what they see. The never saw Alex break down like this before.

Fin gets down on the floor. He takes Alex in his arms.

"Liv will be alright, Alex. You know how strong she is. She will make it. She will survive this. Come on baby girl. You need to have faith in her. She will get trough this. The bomb squad is there. They will defuse it. She will come here. In just a little time you will be able to see her. She will hold you in her arms. You need to calm down Alex. Everything will be alright. Liv will never leave you without saying good bye. You know that. She won't leave you like this."

"You don't know that. You can't know that."

"Yes I can. And do want to know why?"

"Yes."

"Because she Olivia. She is Detective Olivia 'Badass' Benson. She always get herself out of scary situations. And she will do it this time too."

"She is isn't she? Until so far she always got herself out of them."

"Yes she does. So have faith in her, Alex. She will come here to you. She will get out of this one too."

"Thank you Fin. I'm sorry for breaking down like this."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Alex. How long do we work together?"

"10 years on and off."

"That's about right. You and Liv are working together longer. The two of you have been gone trough so much together. You know when you were shot and we thought you were dead. Olivia had her badge on her desk with a black band on it. She was completely broken, she was devastated. I thought she would turn in her badge. We all did. She didn't. But she was never the same. She was never the Olivia before you got shot. Then you came back for the trial. And for a few days we saw the old Olivia back. Because you were alive and you were there. When you came back to replace Hardwick, Olivia slowly turned back into the Olivia we knew. You two reconnected and she had that glow back into her eyes. The same glow that you have. When you came back after the Congo things went back like the were before. She cares for you Alex. She will keep fighting to come back to you again. Has she ever broke a promise to you? I don't think she have. She won't start now. You trust her don't you?"

"Of course I trust her. With my life."

"Then trust her this time too."

"She was really that broken when I was gone?"

"Yes she was. She never has been that broken again, not even when Elliot left without saying goodbye. Sure he hurts her. Like hell. But it was not even close comparing to you."

"We talked about it and I knew it was bad. I didn't know it was that bad."

"Yes it was. So know that you know this. Do you really think Olivia will give up now?"

"No. She won't give up. And neither do I. Thank you Fin for telling me this. For giving back my faith in Liv."

"You're welcome. You just needed something to hold on to. So I gave you that. Now Munch and I will stay here with you until Olivia is here. It's ok to be afraid. It's ok to be scared. Because we are too. Olivia is. But we have to believe in her."

"She is probably scaring the shit out of the bomb squad right now. Arguing with them."

They all break out in laughter. Picturing Olivia chewing their assess out.

"That's the spirit, Teflon." Munch laughs.

They all had calmed down. And they went sitting on the sofa. Waiting for news about Olivia.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N I'm sorry for the delay. I'm on a road trip so I probably won't be able to update as much and as fast as I wish. Keep writing the reviews. They mean a lot to me. Now back to the story. I think you all are dying to know what happens now.**

Chapter 7

After 10 minutes Robinson walks out the apartment. He takes of the helmet from his suit.

" I have good news and bad news. Which one do want to hear first?"

They all look at Olivia.

"Good news first, then the bad news." Olivia answers.

"The good news is that the bomb is small which means it isn't build to destroy the whole apartment or this building. It is build only to hit the person that walks inside."

"So that means that we will be able to process the rest of the apartment and search for the evidence that was left by our suspect?"

"Yes that is correct."

"Ok. What is the bad news?" Olivia asks, not really want to know it. She has a bad feeling about it.

Robinson looks around. Looking each and everyone in their eyes.

Olivia looks at Amanda and Cragen.

"I don't have a good feeling about this." She says.

She looks at Cragen.

"You know what to do, Captain."

"Yes I know, Olivia."

Olivia looks back at Robinson.

"Ok. What is the bad news?"

"The bad news is I can't defuse the bomb. Who ever build it, made sure we can't turn it off. I'm sorry."

Olivia looks at Cragen with tears in her eyes.

"Make sure that she gets it. And keep your promise." Olivia whispers.

"I will, Liv. I will keep my promise." Cragen answers.

They all went silent. Taking in the devastating news. Amanda and Cragen didn't know what to say. Olivia was the first one able to speak.

"Is there anything we can do? To safe my life?"

"Nothing certain. There is a possibility but I can't guarantee you will survive it."

"Name it."

"We need to get the rest of my team outside. The less people inside here, the better. It would be the best if Detective Rollins and Captain Cragen would be outside to. But I think that is out of the question. The only thing we can do is that the three of us are inside the elevator. Doors open. When I count to 3 I push the button to close the doors. You step outside your apartment and close the front door behind you. Then you run to the elevator and get in just before the doors closes. You have about 5 seconds from the moment you step out of line of the laser and before the bomb goes off. If you can make it into the elevator within those 5 seconds you will be safe. If you don't I don't know what the impact on your body will be. The front door will slow down the impact. But I can't promise you can survive the impact of the blast. I can't predict your injuries. It will be difficult because you're standing for over an hour now. But it's the only chance you have."

"Well at this point I have nothing to lose. So let's do it."

Olivia looks at Amanda and Cragen.

"I won't leave you. I'll stay in the elevator." Amanda says.

"You can do this, Liv. You'll make it. I stay in the elevator with Amanda. You won't be here by yourself."

Olivia looks at Robinson.

"Ok. Let the rest of your squad leave. I'm as ready as I can be."

Robinson nods to Olivia and then turns around to the rest of the bomb squad.

"You all go downstairs and out the building. Make sure that the paramedics are standby. Let me know via the radio channel when they are. After that we do here what we agreed. "

The rest of the squad went down with the elevator and send it back up to the 4th floor.

When the elevator was back up Robinson and Amanda goes inside. Cragen stays with Olivia.

He takes her hand in his own.

"I know you are scared Liv, I am too. To me, you are my daughter. And I hate to see you in this situation. But you are gonna make it. You will get to that safe house tonight. Alex is waiting there for you. Have faith in yourself. You are strong and fast. You can do this."

"I've never been so scared in my life. Not even when I was at Sealview or when Alex left for Witsec And I was really scared then. You are the closest I have as a father. So I know you are scared as hell too. I can't help it but to think about Alex. I want to see her so badly. I'm afraid that I won't make it and never see her again. A small part of me wishes that she was here right now. But the biggest part is relieved that she is safe, that I don't have to worry about her right now. Take good care of her. She will need you if I don't make it. Give her the necklace I'm wearing now if I don't make it. I want her to have it when I'm gone."

"I will. It won't be necessary though because you will see her later."

Robinson came back to them.

"They are ready downstairs. I'm sorry Captain but we need to get into the elevator now."

"Yes, alright. I will be there in a few seconds." Cragen answers.

" Remember on the count of 3 I push the button. You close the door behind and run to the elevator. Good luck Detective. I hope to see in a few seconds." Robinson explains again.

"Yes I know. I hope to see you in a few seconds too." Olivia answers.

Cragen squeezes Olivia's hand for the last time.

"See you soon kiddo." He says before he let go of her hand.

"See you soon." Olivia whispers back.

Cragen turns around and walks to the elevator.

Olivia closes her eyes for a second.

"I love you, Alex." She whispers.

Olivia opens her eyes again.

"Ready?" Robinson asks.

Olivia takes the doorknob in her hand and takes a deep breath.

" Ready" She answers.

Robinson hold his finger on the button and counts down.

" one, two, three."

On three Olivia jumps out her apartment and slams the door behind her. She runs as fast as she can to the elevator. The bomb explodes when Olivia dives into the elevator right before the doors are closing.

Cragen and Amanda jumped out of her way and Olivia lands on the floor gliding into the wall of the elevator. Her left arm gets trapped between the wall of the elevator and her body because of the speed she had when she dived into the elevator. For a few seconds there is silence in the elevator. Everybody froze when Olivia got in the elevator and the door closed. Amanda is the first one reacting. She turns to Olivia quickly.

"Liv, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I got in the elevator just in time."

Olivia then realizes what a close call it was and breaks down. Amanda gets down on the floor and takes Olivia in her arms. Olivia screams out of pain. Amanda had thrown her arms around Olivia and accidentally squeezed Olivia's left arm.

"Olivia, what's wrong? Where does it hurts?" Amanda asks worried.

" My left arm. It got trapped when I dived into the elevator and I glided into the wall. It's nothing really. I'm fine. I got in right in time."

Cragen doesn't buy it. He knows Olivia. He knows Olivia would wave it away as nothing. What ever it was.

"Liv the paramedics are downstairs let them look at you. You may have made it to the elevator in time. But you need to be checked. The bomb still went off. I'm glad you made it. Can't miss you already, Detective."

"I'm so happy too, Olivia. " Amanda says. She holds Olivia gently in her arms now.

Olivia got herself together now. She squeezes Amanda with her right hand before she gets up. Turning to Cragen and pulls him to her for a hug.

Robinson pushes on the button to go downstairs. He speaks to one of the members of his squad via the radio channel.

"We are coming down. Detective Benson made it on time into the elevator. Get the paramedics ready to check her. She hurt her left arm diving in the elevator. Otherwise she seems alright."

When they arrives downstairs and the elevator doors opens the paramedics are standing in the lobby with a stretcher. The other members of the bomb squad makes sure everybody stays outside. Cragen helps Olivia on the stretcher.

"Amanda, can you call Fin and let him know I'm alright."

"Yes, sure. I call him right now." Amanda says.

Cragen knows that Olivia means she wants Alex to know that she is fine.

The paramedics are checking Olivia. Besides her left arm she is ok.

"Besides her left arm Detective Benson isn't hurt. But we need to take her to the hospital to let them look at her left arm. I'm pretty sure it's broken." One of them says.

"She is in protective custody as we speak, we need to go with her." Cragen answers while he's pointing at Amanda and himself.

"That's ok. I'll make sure they check her in under a false name." The paramedic says.

"We need to wait for Detective Rollins. She is calling her partner to let him and two others know Detective Benson is alright besides her left arm." Cragen stated.

"No problem, Captain. I'll give Detective Benson some pain medication while we wait for Detective Rollins."

Olivia protested.

"I don't want pain medication. I'm fine, I don't need it."

"Detective, it's for your own sake that I give you the medication." The paramedic says.

"And I said that I don't need it. You're not giving me anything at all." Olivia snaps at him.

"Olivia, it's for the best if you take something against the pain." Cragen tries.

"No. No medication. I promise I take it when I'm in the safe house. Until then no medication!"

"Fine. But you will take it there, Detective. I know you want to see Alex first and that is ok. But after that you take the medication they describe to you."

"Ok. I'll do that."

Cragen turns to the paramedic.

"You heard it. For now no medication. You better not argue about it with her. Unless you want a pissed off Detective. And I can assure you, with this one that's not what you want."

"I don't think I would like it getting her pissed off. So for now I don't give anything."

Amanda comes walking back to Olivia and Cragen with her cellphone in one hand. The other hand covers the receiving end of the cellphone.

" I've got a very stubborn ADA on the phone. Demanding to talk with Olivia. Won't take no for an answer." Amanda says a little teasingly.

Cragen can't help it and laughs. Amanda looks at him with a questioning look in her eyes.

" Sorry. It's just that I have a very stubborn Detective here. Who needs to go the hospital because her left arm is injured. Paramedic thinks it's broken. But she refuses to take any medication until she has seen the very stubborn ADA." Cragen tells Amanda.

Amanda laughs too and hands over the cellphone to Olivia.

Cragen looks at the paramedics and Amanda.

"Let's give her some privacy. We can stay over there." Cragen points to the entry of the building.

The paramedics are looking at him with a doubtful look on their faces. But with one stern look of Cragen they walk away with him and Amanda.

Olivia puts the phone onto her ear.

"Hey Lex."

"Hi Liv. Fin said you say you are, but I know you. Are you really ok?"

"Yes, I'm really ok. I only have my left arm injured when I got into the elevator. Are you mad at me for getting you out of here without telling why? I know you know it by now. You probably threatened Fin and Munch to cut of their balls and shove them trough throats if they didn't tell you what was going on."

"Yeah, something like that. I'm not mad at you because you didn't tell it. I wouldn't have left if I knew there was bomb in your apartment and you were standing right on it. And then you would haven been worried for me. I know that's not what you needed. But I have been sick of being worried over you when I found it out. I'm so glad you are ok Liv. I can't wait to see you are ok with my own eyes. You're coming to the safe house now, right?"

"Uhm, not exactly, Alex. I kinda need to visit the hospital first." Olivia says with a little bit of fear in her voice. Knowing that Alex probably will be mad now.

"What do you mean you need to visit the hospital first? I thought you said you are ok? Did you lied to me Detective?!"

"I am ok, Alex. The paramedics just wants me go to the hospital to check out my arm. That's all. I'm fine really."

"If you were fine you don't need to go to the hospital. What's wrong with your left arm and how did you get it injured? And don't tell me you just walked into the elevator. People don't get injured by walking into an elevator."

"I got injured because I dived into the elevator and glided into the wall. My left arm got trapped between the wall and my body. The paramedic thinks it's broken. That's why he wants to have it checked out."

"Why the hell did you dived into the elevator? You know that people normally walk into it, right?"

"Alex, I only got 5 seconds from my apartment to get into the elevator and to be there before the doors closed."

" Olivia Benson! What are you not telling me? I know you hold something back. So you tell it me now, Detective."

"Alex, do you really want to do this over the phone?"

"No. You're right, Liv. We can talk about this when you are here and we are alone. You need to go to the hospital now. Just come as soon as possible. I really want to hold you in my arms, or you holding me in yours. I was so worried Liv."

"Me too, Lex. I want to hold in my arms and don't let go for a while. I promise I'll be there as soon as possible. I was worried for you too. I see you soon, sweetheart. I promise."

"I know you will. And I know you were worried for me. But I'm fine. Fin and Munch are here with me. I'm safe here. Although I will feel safer when you are here. Even with an injured arm. Now go. I see you soon, honey."

"Ok. Goodbye Lex."

"Goodbye Liv."

Olivia pushes the red button to end the call. She looks in the direction where Cragen, Amanda and the paramedics are staying. Cragen looks at Olivia and noticed that she was finished with the call.

They all walk to Olivia.

"Ready to go, Olivia?" Cragen asks.

"Yes I'm ready. Let's go. The sooner we get in, the sooner we get out." She answers.

The paramedics ties her to the stretcher and the walk out of the building to the ambulance.

They get Olivia in first. One of the paramedics staps inside and then Cragen. The other one gets in the driver seat and they left. Amanda follows with the Crowny.

"You're ok now you've talked with Alex?" Cragen asks Olivia.

"Yes, I am. I needed to talk to her. To hear her voice. Thank you for giving me some privacy." Olivia says.

Olivia winced when they hit a little hobble on the road.

"You're in pain aren't you, Liv?"

"Just a little. Nothing that I can't handle."

"Detective Olivia 'Bad ass' Benson, ladies and gentlemen." Cragen says.

"Just so you know it. And for the record, no matters what happens in the hospital. I'm not staying there!"


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"I'm going to the safe house! I'm going to Alex! No matter what." Olivia whispers.

The paramedic barely can hear what she whispers, but he heard it.

" That depends on what the doctor says Detective Benson. If he wants you to stay you have to stay." He says.

"Nobody can keep me there if I don't want to! Try me!. I kick both your asses!" Olivia growls.

"Did anyone tell you that you are incredibly stubborn?"

"Tell me something I don't know."

"Olivia, calm down. Let the doctor take a look first. Maybe all you need is plaster. Or a case around your arm." Cragen says.

" Yeah maybe, maybe not. I just want to go to the safe house. That's all."

"I know. That's why I'm saying let the doctor look first. You are under a protective detail now, we won't agree with you staying there just like that. He need to have a very good reason if we will ok it. So don't worry."

"Ok."

The ambulance arrives at the Mercy Hospital. They check Olivia in under a false name and she went straight to a private room for examination. Cragen goes inside the room with Olivia. Amanda stays outside the room in front of the door. They waited 5 minutes before the Doctor is there.

"Good evening Ms Jareau, my name is Doctor VanDyken. Let's take a look at your arm shall we?"

"Good evening Doctor. Yes that's ok."

The Doctor does a few tests.

"I think it's broken but we need to take an X-ray to confirm it. I don't speculate so we wait for the results of the X-ray and then decide what treatment is necessary. I'll have a nurse getting the machine."

"Ok, thank you Doctor." Olivia answers.

An other 5 minutes goes by before the nurse walks in with the X-ray machine. A Radiologist follows behind the nurse. They place the machine next to the examination table.

"Can you lay down your left arm on the table please. Sir, if you want to stay you need a lead apron."

"That's fine by me. I'm staying so hand me one."

The nurse gives Cragen a lead apron and he puts it on.

"Ms. Jareau , keep your arm still. Then I make the X-rays."

"Ok."

Olivia keeps her arm still and the X-rays are taken pretty quick.

"I take the X-rays to the Doctor. He will be back soon with the results."

"Thank you." Olivia answers.

The nurse takes the lead apron from Cragen and walks out of the room with the X-ray machine.

Cragen and Olivia are now alone again in the room.

"I'm really glad you're ok, Olivia. Things could have be so much worse. Don't get me wrong, I would have liked it if you were not injured at all. But given the circumstances this is a pretty good outcome."

"Yes it is. I know my arm is broken. Don't need to have a X-ray to know that. But you are right. It could have been a lot worse."

"I'm glad I don't have to show Alex that video. I would have done it. And be there for her. But I admit I haven't been looking forward to that."

"That makes two of us. Those last seconds where really hard. All I could think of was Alex and that I didn't had a chance to tell her I love her. Because I know that I do. This whole bomb thing was a pretty good reality check. I know you would have kept your promise. That's why I trusted you with this in the first place. I am sorry though that you have to find out my feelings for Alex this way."

"Oh Liv, that Alex and you are in love with each other is the worst kept secret ever. Everybody knows it. They only one who didn't knew it are you two. You two are dancing around each other for years. You remember the case with Babs Duffy?"

"Yes of course. How could I forget that one."

"When Alex told you she needed Ronnie to spilling out his guts all over Elliot's shoes and that it was a hell of a long way from that happening. You told her that you had an idea to speed up the proces. Alex couldn't take her eyes off you. And after you put on that show with Ronnie, she looked like she wanted you for breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert all at the same time. I was the only there with her. When I saw that look it confirmed what I already knew. That she was head over heels for you. I only mention it to let you know how obvious it was to all of us that you two are in love with each other." Cragen says with a shit eating grin on his face.

Olivia looked like the cat that had eaten the canaries when she thought back at it.

"Oh I noticed it. I saw Alex keep looking between my eyes and my mouth when I told her that I had an idea. I just didn't know what to do with it. Babs had been poking around with my head. I didn't know that Alex might have feelings for me. I just barely can admit it to myself that I'm in love with her. And although we are close, I'm not sure if she feels the same way."

"You know for such a brilliant Detective, you are really blind when it comes to Alex's feelings for you. Believe me Benson, that girl is head over heals in love with you."

"I hope you are right. Now where the hell is that Doctor? The results should be there by now."

"Patience Olivia. You can't rush it. It takes as long as it takes."

"Yeah, well it takes to long for me. I hate hospitals. I just want to get out of here."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Doctor VanDyken came back in room.

"I have good news and bad news." He says.

"Tell me good news first." Olivia replies.

"The good news is you don't need surgery. The bad news is you have multiple fractures."

"Where and what are you going to do about it?"

"You haven broken your wrist and ulna and you have a hairline fracture in your humerus. You are getting plaster from your shoulder cap all the way down onto your hand. You must have an awful lot of pain Ms. Jareau."

"Nothing I can't handle Doctor. But I don't have to stay here, do I?" Olivia asks.

"No, after you have the plaster around your arm I'm gonna release you. I am going to describe you some pain medication though. You can play tough to me but I know you have a lot of pain even if you say you can handle it."

"Just get that plaster on my arm Doctor. I want to get out of here. I've been here long enough by now."

"Not very fond of hospitals are you?"

"You've got that right."

"Well I send someone in for the plaster and in the mean time I will get your release papers in order and describe you your medication."

"Thank you Doctor." Olivia says.

Doctor VanDyken left the room and Olivia and Cragen waited for someone that would put Olivia's arm in plaster.

"Olivia, how much pain do you have? The truth this time." Cragen asks.

"It hurts like hell. But I can handle it."

"Sure you can."Cragen answers sarcastically.

"Really. I can. I'm still talking. I'm good."

"Uh huh."

"What? You don't believe me?"

"No. I know your holding back. You are still afraid they will keep you here if you tell them how much pain you have. Even though Doctor VanDyken told you he is gonna release you."

"You are right about the still being afraid part. But I'm not holding back."

"Yeah right. And your nose just grow a bit longer." Cragen says not buying a single word she said.

"Bite me."

"I'm going to Amanda for a moment. Ya think you can handle yourself?"

"Yes. Of course. I'm a grown woman ya know."

"Yet your are as stubborn as a six year old. See you in a moment, Benson."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Cragen shakes his head and walks out of the room. Amanda is looking around keeping everything in her sights.

"Hey Rollins."

"Hey Captain. How's Olivia doing. Is her arm broken?"

"Olivia is her usually stubborn self. Claiming the pain is nothing she can't handle. She has her arm broken on two places and a hairline fracture. But no she is isn't in a lot of pain. Or that is what she want me to believe."

"Damn. That must hurt like hell."

"Yes. And I'm sure it does. But admitting it? No way."

"Well that's the Olivia Benson we know, don't we?"

"Yes, you are right. Even if she is about to pass out. She still would claim that she can handle it. A mule is less stubborn then Detective Olivia Benson."

Cragen went back inside the room. Waiting with Olivia. They didn't have to wait long. After 2 minutes a nurse came into the room.

"Good evening Ms. Jareau. I'm Norah Paxter. I'm here to put the plaster on your arm." The nurse says.

"Good evening." Olivia answers.

"Ok well let's get started shall we. The sooner you can leave."

"Yes please. No offense but I can't wait to get out here."

"None taken."

The nurse takes the things she needs for the plaster and half an hour later Olivia was ready to go. Arm in plaster and a sling around her shoulder.

Doctor VanDyken had the release papers ready and the pain medication.

"Now Ms. Jareau all you have to do is sign the release papers and you are ready to go."

"Thank you Doctor VanDyken for everything." Olivia says.

"You're welcome Ms. Jareau." He answers.

She signs the release papers and thanked the Doctor again.

"You need to keep the plaster for 6 weeks. Then we take new X-rays to see if it is healed. Don't use your arm. It needs a lot rest and it will heal faster if you don't use it. Do you have any questions?"

"No. It's all clear to me."

"Ok. Goodbye Ms. Jareau."

"Goodbye Doctor VanDyken."

The Doctor left the room. Olivia picks up her leather jacket and tries to put it on.

"You you could ask me to help you put your jacket on you know."

"Don't need to. I'm fine. I'm not invalid you know and I'm right handed so no problems here."

"You know a mule is even less stubborn then you are. It's not a sigh of weakness to ask for help. You know what? I let Cabot handle it. Maybe she can knock some sense in you."

"I'm not that stubborn."

"Yes, Olivia Benson you are."

"Detective Olivia Benson to you." Olivia jokes.

"What ever Benson. You're ready to get out of here and go to the safe house?"

"Hell ya."

They walked out the room and joined Amanda.

"Hey Olivia, how are you? A lot of pain I think?"

"Hi Amanda. I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle."

"Ya are more stubborn then a mule, Olivia. Does anybody ever told ya that?"

"Just 1 minute ago. So nothing new there. And for the record I'm not."

Amanda just laughed at the comment and shook her head.

"Now let's get out of here. I've been here to long if ya ask me."

"You see her soon enough, Olivia." Cragen whispers to her.

"Not soon enough though. Not soon enough." Olivia sighs.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Alex stood by the window looking out for Olivia to arrive.

"Alex, looking out the window won't make them arrive earlier." Fin says to Alex.

"I know but I always can try it.

"They will be here soon enough, baby girl."

"Not soon enough." Alex whined.

"Well you two have that in comment. You both don't have patient when it comes to the other."

"Really?"

"Yeah really. Oh come on Alex. Don't tell me you didn't noticed? Are you that blind?"

"Noticed what?"

"Ok. You are that blind. Every time you are waiting or looking for the other you are asking where they are. It doesn't take 5 minutes. We should make bets about it. Like how long it takes before one of you starts whining for the other."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Alex, everybody knows about the way you act around the other. Everybody accept for you two apparently."

"Everybody knows what?" Munch interrupts.

"You mean you didn't noticed? How did managed to marry 4 women? Wait don't answer that question. I don't wanna know the answer to that."

"How long ago did Amanda called?" Alex asks Fin.

"20 minutes ago. They should be here any minute. Alex, don't worry. Olivia will be here. She probably fight and argue with anyone that crosses her path to get here to you."

"Sounds like the Liv I know."

"Well then trust me. She will be here soon."

"Ok."

A few minutes after that they arrived. Olivia was out of the car before Amanda had parked it. She walked to the door and knocks on it. Inside in the living room Alex wanted to run to the door to open it. Fin stopped her from doing it.

"Alex, you know you can't open the door. It's protocol. Even if we know that it's Olivia you can't open it."

"Then what are you waiting for? Open the damn door! Don't keep them waiting outside."

"Hold your horses, Counselor. I'm going already."

Fin and Munch walk to the door. Olivia keeps banging on the door until Fin opens it. She burst inside.

"Where is Alex? Is she alright?"

"Normal people first say hello, you know. How are you, Liv?"

"I'm fine. Now where is Alex? Never mind." Olivia says.

"ALEX? ALEX WHERE ARE YOU?" Olivia yells.

LIV? LIV, I'M HERE. I'M IN THE LIVING ROOM" Alex yells back.

Olivia start running trough where the sound is coming from. She yanks the door open and sees Alex standing in the living room.

Fin, Munch, Cragen and Amanda stood in the hallway shaking their heads. Amanda says what they all are thinking.

"You know... No I don't think there exists a word for this. You should think that Olivia should walk slowly with her arm broken and in pain. Apparently that doesn't work that way with Olivia."

"Amanda nothing goes normal when it comes to those two. Everything normal like walking, talking and any other normal action flows out of the window when they are waiting or looking for the other. Or when they are together." Fin answers.

"Yeah I get that now."

They had walked to living room and stood now watching to what is happening in front of them. Olivia and Alex are standing against each other. Brown eyes looking in cerulean blue eyes.

"Alex are alright? I was so worried about you. I just hoped you were safe. I couldn't think about anything else then that."

"You were standing on a bomb. For some reason you dived into an elevator. You broke your arm on multiple places and have a hairline fracture and you ask me how I'm doing? I'm fine. Well that means I'm fine now that you are here. I was so worried for you. Are you really ok?"

"Yes I'm really ok. Now I would like to hug you, if that's ok with you, Counselor."

"Of course. I wanted to be in your arms for a long time today, Detective."

Olivia takes a step forwards and pulls Alex in a one armed hug. She pulls her close to her body. Alex puts her arms around Olivia's waist. They stand like that for a few minutes. After that they let each other go and takes a seat on the sofa next to each other.

"Ok, Olivia now tell us, what the hell happened? We have been worried for the next couple of years I think."

Olivia turns to Alex.

"Are you ready to hear this. Because if you aren't we can talk about this when we are alone."

"No, I'm ready to hear this. We always can talk about it later when it's just the two of us." Alex answers.

"Ok. When we arrived at my apartment building I asked Ace, the security guard, to come with us. We went upstairs to my apartment and I opened the door. When I was inside I knew something was wrong and I looked around. Then I saw a red laser line. I looked down at my feet and I saw I was standing in the line. That's when I saw the bomb. I asked Ace to take Alex to his office and I asked the Captain to go with him. When they were gone I asked Amanda to call you guys. I wanted Alex out of the building. I wanted her safe. I asked Amanda to call the bomb squad 10 minutes after she called you guys, that way is was sure that they arrived after you left. Ace and the doorman cleared the building. Luckily there were not much owners home. When the bomb squad arrived the Lieutenant started to argue with Amanda and the Captain. I was standing on that damn bomb for almost an hour. So I got pissed. I told him that instead of arguing with them he should do his damn job and I yelled that he should defuse the bomb. He said he didn't know if he could defuse him and that I didn't need to get violent. I put him on his place.

Despise the situation they all snickered when Olivia told them she got pissed. Olivia let them for a few seconds and then continued.

"I said to him that when he stood on a bomb for an hour he got the right to tell me that and until then he should do his job and keep his comments to himself. He was quiet after that went inside my apartment and came out 10 minutes later. He said he had good news and bad news. The good news was that the bomb wasn't build to blow up the whole building or my apartment. The bad news was that he couldn't defuse the bomb. I asked him if there was anything we could do to safe my life. He answered that there was an option but that he couldn't guarantee I would survive it. He couldn't predict what my injuries would be. I told him to tell us what that option was that and that we should do it. At that point I didn't had anything to lose anymore. He said that he needed the rest of the squad to go downstairs and out the building. That Amanda, Cragen and he were gonna stand in the elevator and that when he counted to three he would push the button for closing the doors. He told me that when he had counted to three I needed to close my door and run to the elevator. I had 5 seconds to reach the elevator before the bomb would go off. That the impact of the blast would be stopped by the front door a little but that he couldn't tell me if I didn't reach the elevator that I would survive it or what my injuries would be. I told him that we would do it. He send his squad downstairs. He walked with Amanda to the elevator and the Captain stayed with me until we got the sign that the squad was downstairs and the paramedics were ready. When we got the sign the Captain walked to the elevator. The Lieutenant asked if I was ready. I answered that I was. He counted to three and pushed the button. On three I slammed the door behind and ran as fast as I could to the elevator. When I was almost in it the bomb went of. So I dived into the elevator right before the doors closed. When I hit the floor I glided into the wall. My left arm got stuck between the wall and my body. That's how my arm got broken." Olivia finished her story.

Everybody was silent for a few minutes. They didn't know, didn't realized that Olivia was so close to die. Fin was the first one that spoke up.

"Damn Liv, that was close. You must have a lot of pain."

"Nah. Nothing I can't handle. Nothing really happened." Olivia answers.

They all looked at Olivia if they were seeing a ghost. Like they couldn't believe what the brunette just said. Amanda says what they all are thinking.

"Ya are kidding right? Wait don't answer that question, we all know the answer to that. Olivia something did happen. Something big. You were standing on a bomb for heaven's sake. You were able to get in the elevator. But you were only a second or 2 away of being blowing up. And your not fine either. You broke your arm on two places and you have a hairline fracture. We know you are in pain. Even though you won't admit it. So cut the crap because we ain't buying it."

"You've got that right. I've got on time in the elevator. So I am fine. I could have been a lot worse. And I did have my arm broken. I didn't say I'm not having pain. I said I can handle it. Which by the way I can. I promise the Captain that when I was here in the safe house and I talked with Alex I would take pain killers so stop being worried. You all don't need to. Now let's talk about being in the safe house. Is someone gonna stay besides Alex and I or not?" Olivia asks.

Cragen answers that question.

"Not inside the house. There will be 2 officers outside. If it's necessary we will taking shift inside. And with we I mean the squad. No strangers. And the two of you will behave yourselves. That means no barking or threatening to the officers. No demanding either. Did I make myself clear. Detective and Counselor?"

"Yes Don." Alex answers.

Olivia keeps quiet.

"Olivia? Did I make myself clear?"

"Chrystal." Olivia mumbles.

"Ok. Now that's settled everybody accept for Alex and Olivia, obviously, is going back to work. I will stay here with them until the officers are here. Then I will go back to precinct. Munch I want you go back to the precinct and go further with the investigation of the two women. Fin and Amanda I want you two go back to Olivia's apartment. Investigate it and find the so called evidence Atkins claims he left there. Everybody ok with that? Olivia don't answer that question."

Munch, Fin and Amanda all says that they are fine with that. They get up from their seats.

"Liv, behave yourself don't drive Alex crazy." Fin says.

"Why are saying that only to me?" Olivia asks back.

"Because I know you. And I mean it. Stay out of each others hairs. It will be difficult enough without you two fighting like cats and dogs."

"Yes Dad. We will behave ourselves." Olivia replies sarcastically.

"Good. Then we go get out of your hairs now. Stay safe you two. We've been scared enough for the next few years I think."

Amanda, Fin and Munch hugged Alex and Olivia and left the safe house. Each to where they were ordered to go. Cragen waits until the three of them are outside before he turns to Alex and Olivia.

"I think you two should take the time being here to talk with each other. Talk about what happened to the both of you. This night not happened to Olivia only. It happened to Alex as well. I know Olivia won't talk about it to anyone else then you, Alex. And I think it's safe to assume she is the only one you will talk to completely open. So don't shut each other out. Now I don't want you to worry about what we might find in Olivia's apartment. We already know that you to are close. Nobody believes that what ever it is we will find is true if it is compromising. I know that the two of you are professional enough that if it were true you would have picked it up with Liz and myself."

"Thank you Captain. And you are right if I would be romantically involved with Alex I would have come to you."

"The same goes for me. I would have gone to Liz if Olivia and I were romantically involved."

" I don't doubt that for a second girls. Is there anything specific you need us to bring tomorrow? Medication or supplies? Groceries will be taken care of. So you can make meals yourself just let us know what we need to get. Make a list with clothes and stuff like that and we will collect it from your apartments. Oh just so you know. We won't bring anything work related. So don't try it."

Alex and Olivia both glared at Cragen. Not amused with what he says about work related stuff.

"The two of you can glare what you want. It won't change a thing. Now anything else we need to bring."

"Other then usual things I need you to bring my contact lenses and fluids." Alex answers.

"Why?" Olivia asks.

"So that I don't have to wear my glasses all the time."

"But I like your glasses. The fit you really well."

"Really well huh?"

"Yeah, uhm.."

"I think Detective Bad ass here is trying to tell you that you look more then well with your glasses on. Get it, Counselor?" Cragen asks with a smile on his face.

" Ahh, yes I get it I think. Ok no lenses then. I'll wear my glasses."

"Thank you." Olivia says.

"Anything we need to take from your apartment, Olivia?" Cragen asks.

"Nope, I'm good. You can't take my piano out of there. So there is nothing else besides my clothes and that sort of stuff that I need."

"Ok fine. I let Amanda go to both of your places. I think you will be more comfortable if a woman packs your things."

"Yes, I won't be so comfortable if a man goes trough my apartment picking up my clothes and toiletries." Alex answers.

"Me too." Olivia confirms.

"I understand that. Now the officers are here so I leave the two of you alone. Take care of yourself and each other. I will bring you a visit somewhere tomorrow. Amanda will be here around lunch time if that's ok?"

Olivia look at Alex before she answers.

"That is fine by me. And thank you Captain, for everything."

"No problems with that here. And thank you Don for bringing Olivia back here."

"You're welcome. Now if you don't need anything else I'll go. I let you know if we find something important."

"Ok. Now go, Captain. I don't want to be rude, but I need to talk with Alex and I promised you to take my medication. Which I will take. And if I don't, I know Alex will make me." Olivia grinned.

"Why do think that? Not that you are wrong, which you aren't."

"Because you are bossy, Counselor."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. Not that I mind. But you are."

"Well maybe a little. Ok you win Detective. I'm bossy. There I said it."

Cragen just laughed at the playful banter between them.

" See you two tomorrow. Get some rest you two. Goodbye."

"Goodbye Captain. And thank you." Olivia answers.

"Goodbye Don. Thank you." Alex replies.

Cragen gives them a nod and leaves.

"Finally alone." Olivia says.

"Yes, you can say that. Finally." Alex answers.

"Come here, Counselor. I want to hold you a while." Olivia says, while she is patting on the sofa.

"Would it be an odd request to ask if we can cuddle?" Alex asks shyly.

"After everything we've been trough it is perfectly normal. Come here." Olivia answers scooting on the sofa so that she is lying on her back.

Alex climes on the sofa on her left side so she is lying between the back of the sofa and Olivia and snuggles into Olivia and lay down her head on Olivia's chest. Alex let out a sigh when she lays comfortable. Olivia puts her right arm around Alex and pulls as close to her as she can. They lay like that for a few minutes before Olivia speaks up.

"Lex, there is something I need talk about with you. Would it be alright if we do that now? We can lay down like this if you want to. Or we can sit. What ever you feel comfortable with." Olivia asks.

"Yes we can talk now. I prefer to sit up. I'll be able to look at you and you'll be able to look at me." Alex says.

"Fine by me." Olivia answers.

Olivia pulls her arm away and gets up. Alex gets up too. They sit next to each other with very little space between them.

"About what do you want to talk?" Alex asks.

'Here goes nothing.' Olivia thinks.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"When I stood there on that bomb all I could think about was you. The last moments that I stood there alone all I could think about was I never told you how I feel about you. Really feel about you." Olivia says.

Alex's heart is suddenly beating a lot faster. She's getting hopeful. Hoping that what Olivia tries to tell is is that she feels the same way about her as she feels for Olivia.

"Liv, what are you trying to say? What do you mean with how you really feel?" Alex asks softly.

"I got Cragen recording a video for you. Just in case I... I wouldn't...make it. I wanted you to know how much you mean to me. We know each other for 12 years. We've been trough a lot together and apart trough the same. After you were shot and they told me you died, I died too. I thought I lost the person that means the most to me. That is the most important woman in the world for me. And I couldn't handle it well. I hadn't slept in days and almost didn't eat. When Hammond left a message for us that he had some loose ends he wanted to tie I was so angry with him. When we got to the place he asked us to come to he said 'This one is a real pain in the ass. Wouldn't take no for an answer.'. And we didn't get it. That was until the door of that SUV opened and you came out. I was stunned. One side I was relieved and happy that you were alive. On the other side I was pissed off. Pissed off that they let us believe you were dead. Then I asked you 'How long?' and you couldn't answer. You said 'Until he is extradited or otherwise dealt with.'. My whole world crashed down. I had the feeling I had lost you twice in a few days. I buried myself in work. All I did was working. I avoided my apartment as much as I could. Avoided to be there alone. I worked so much that I was slowly killing myself. But I didn't care." Olivia says.

Olivia was now crying. The normally strong brunette almost broke down. Alex was shocked. She never knew that her supposed dead and being in WPP had hurt the Detective so much.

"Oh Liv, I had no idea. I'm so sorry. I didn't know that all of this effected you so much." Alex says.

"It was not your fold Alex. I failed you. I didn't protect you when I needed to. It is my fault you needed to go into WPP." Olivia answers.

"Olivia Benson! None of this was your fault. You didn't failed me either. If anything you saved my life. Without you pushing on the gunshot wound I would have died. I own my life to you." Alex says sternly.

"I don't see it that way. But that is not what I want to say to you. What I want to say to you, to tell you is the reason why I was devastated. When I was standing there today I thought to myself I never told you that I love you. I love you Alexandra Cabot." Olivia almost whispers the last part. But Alex heard her.

"I love you too, Olivia Benson." Alex says with tears in her eyes.

"I think you don't understand. I love you as in I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for a long time. I'm sorry to drop this in your lap like this. But after today I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I know you probably don't feel the same way. Although I hope you do. But I had to tell this. I'm sorry." Olivia replies.

Olivia doesn't dare to look at Alex. Afraid she sees the rejection in her eyes.

"Liv, look at me?" Alex asks.

When Olivia doesn't look up to her, Alex puts her finger gently under Olivia's chin and pulls her head up.

"Olivia Benson, you've just made me the happiest woman in the world. I'm so incredibly, head over heels in love with you. I'm in love with you for many years. I was attracted to you the first time I saw you. I never had met a woman so beautiful as you are. How long are you in love with me?" Alex asks.

"Alex, I'm the luckiest woman in the world. You are intelligent, strong, compassionate,humorous and stunningly beautiful. From all the women you can choose you've chosen me. I found you attractive, drop dead gorgeous the first time I saw you. I almost forgot my own name. It was after I saw how driven you are that I started falling for you. I didn't allow myself those feelings. But after a while I couldn't do that anymore. Every time I heard you walking into the squad room my heart started beating faster. Every time you looked at me with those cerulean eyes I melted inside. But I thought you were straight so I kept hiding my feelings. Better to have you as a friend or best friend then nothing at all. In the last seconds that I stood there just before the Lieutenant counted to three I said it out loud that I love you. In case I wouldn't make it at least I said it out loud once."

Alex looks at Olivia like she's gone nuts. She can't believe that Olivia thinks she's not worth it.

" Of course I've chosen you. Olivia I don't know any woman that is as caring,strong,helpful, powerful, protective and intelligent as you. Not to mention how beautiful you are. Have you any idea how beautiful and sexy you are? Why wouldn't I choose you. Everyone with eyes and a pulse is drawn to you."

"You're kidding right? You are the one that is beautiful and sexy. I've seen people drooling over you and I can't say they're wrong. When you walk into a room everybody stops doing what they are doing to look at you. When people see you walk they see a powerful, stunningly beautiful and equally sexy woman. You turn every head wherever you walk in. Besides that I see this incredibly intelligent, caring woman. Who deserve so much more than me. Alex, you deserve the best and nothing less then that."

"Exactly and that is what you are. To me you are the best, Olivia. Al those things you say about me, you are. You turn heads in every room you enter only you don't see it yourself. I've seen men and women walking against doors because they were looking at you. Your body is so powerful and well shaped. That I have to stop myself for not drooling over you. So you are equally to me at least. You know I accept nothing less then the best. Why should I make an exception with choosing the woman I love, the woman I'm in love with. You, Olivia Benson, you are the best. There is no one more precious or important for me than you."

"You really mean that?" Olivia asks softly, almost whispers.

Alex takes Olivia's head in her hands.

"Yes, I really mean that." Alex answers softly.

Olivia pulls Alex against her body and softly and tenderly kisses Alex on her lips. She kisses her for a few seconds and pulls back her head a little to rest her head against Alex's. This kiss feels like coming home. Coming home to the person they belong to. It was not hot or demanding but still it was electrifying. Olivia is the first one to speak.

"Wow, that was amazing. I've never been kissed like this, Lex."

"You can say that again. Feeling your lips on mine. Liv, it was perfect."

"Yes, it was. Maybe this is a little fast but I'm still gonna ask it. Alexandra Cabot will you do me the honor to be my girlfriend and go out on a date with me when we are out of here?"

"Yes. Yes, Olivia Benson I want to be your girlfriend. And yes I would like to go out on a date with you very much."

Olivia claims Alex's lips with her own and puts everything she feels in the kiss. Alex puts everything she feels for Olivia in this kiss. Olivia let her tongue glide against Alex's lips requesting access to her mouth. Alex opens her mouth and Olivia deepens their kiss. Alex moans in Olivia's mouth. Her fingers roaming in Olivia's hair. Olivia's fingers ran up and down at the sides of Alex's body and rest on her hips. They are kissing until they need to breath. Letting go they both are gasping for air. Trying to breath normal and slowing their heartbeats, their for heads are resting against each other. Brown eyes almost drowning in cerulean ones. And cerulean eyes almost drowning in brown ones. Seeing the feelings the have for each other in their eyes. As they pull their heads back, Alex and Olivia keeps staying in each others arms.

"Alex, I want to do this right. I want to take this slow for now. When we make love for the first time it has to be perfect. Now that's not possible. Is that alright for you? I want to woo you. I want to treat you right. "

"I want what you want. So if you want to take it slow for now, we take it slow. I want to do this right too, Olivia. If you want to woo me. I'm not stopping you. But I have one question. If it is ok with you I would like to sleep in the same bed tonight. I want to sleep in arms. Curled up against you. Would that be ok?"

"Yes. I would like that too. I need you close to me. I need you to be safe and to feel safe. Today we almost lost each other and I need you, Alex. I need you to feel safe myself."

"Liv, I always feel safe when I'm with you. Even now, with one arm broken, I feel safe. Because I know that even you are injured you will do anything to keep me safe. That alone makes me feel safe."

"Then we sleep together tonight. And any other night you need. I know I scared you to death today. I want you to know I'm alive and that I'm alright. So as many night as it takes to get that feeling back you get it."

"How do you always know what to say? Knows what I need?" Alex asks.

"I know you, Counselor. I know you for almost 12 years. The same goes for you. You know what I need. You know when I need to talk or when I need my space. Nobody gets me like you, Alex."

"I never have felt this way like I feel with you. Most people wants me because my looks or money. Some want me because it's politically the best. You are the only one that wants me for me. For who I am."

"That's right. I want you for who you are. And only for who you are. I don't give a damn about your money. You would mean the same for me without it. And I don't care for politics but I know it is important for your career. I will support you, wherever I can and whatever choices you make, as long as it doesn't put you in danger."

"I know you are. I know you are an independent woman. I like that about you, that you don't care how much money I have. The opposite, I think you feel uncomfortable with all the money I have. I know you will support me in my career if needed. And more importantly I know you will always protect me with everything you have."

"Just so you know, Counselor. You are right. I am independent. I only had myself to lean on. I had only myself to trust. Handle things on my own. I promise you that I will do everything I need to do, to change that. I know I can trust you. And frankly I think I already do. You have my heart, Alex. Be careful with it. Because this time if it gets broken it won't be able to heal." Olivia says being vulnerable.

"I will be, Liv. I will be. I know what it cost you to let yourself be so vulnerable. I promise you I will never break your heart. Breaking your heart means breaking my own. But the same goes for you, Detective. You have my heart in your hands. If it gets broken I know I will not survive it this time. I'm not used to be vulnerable too. But I do know for sure you will never break my heart." Alex answers.

That's right, Lex. I rather kill myself then break your heart. If you don't mind, I would like to stop talking about heavy subjects like this. For now. We need to eat and I need to take my medication because I promised and I never break a promise. And I'm kinda tired too."

"Sure, no problem. I'm hungry too. It's been a long day. An traumatic day. And we both need to rest. You certainly need rest. So what do you want to eat?"

"You choose. I'm not picky, you know that. Besides you know what I like. Right know I want what you want. As long as it food, I don't care."

"Let's look what we have here now."

"Ok. Do you mind if I lay down on the sofa. My arm really hurts now."

"Did I hear that right? Detective Bad ass Benson admits she is in pain?" Alex jokes.

"Yes, you heard that right. Don't get used to it, Counselor. I have a reputation to keep up high." Olivia jokes back.

"Don't worry, Detective. Your secret is safe with me. Seriously, how much pain do you have, Liv? And no bravery." Alex asks.

"Truthfully, it hurts like hell." Olivia answers.

"That's what I thought. You go lay down on the sofa and I go and see if I can make something to eat. After dinner you take your meds and we go to bed. How does that sounds?"

"Sounds like a good idea to me."

"Let me fuzz about, Liv. I want to take care of you. You're always there for me, taking care of me, let me take care of you, please?" Alex asks with puppy dog eyes.

"Ok, Cabot. You know I can't refuse you anything if you look at me like that. I let you take care of me. Just don't push it. I'm not used to let someone take care of me."

" You can't refuse me anything huh, I have to remember that. Thank you, Liv. I know it is a big deal for you. I'll try not to push it. Tell me if I do."

"I will. Now make us something to eat, woman. I'm starving. Oh and Alex, try not to put the stove on fire."

"Olivia Benson! I did that only once. Well twice if you count the microwave too. I have a question. How do you it? Eating like you do and still be in an excellent shape? You are a goddess."

"I work hard to keep this body in shape. Thank you very much. Ya think it gets this way on it's self? Hell no, you have to do something for it. I have to be in shape, chasing after perps. And I'm not getting younger. I'm getting old."

"You are not getting old! You have a body to drool over. You are in a great shape. I hear the stories about you chasing perps. They have trouble to follow you. You are faster, faster then all of them, honey. Do you think I don't know that you chase down the perps for 6 blocks climbing over gates and lord knows what else? You have them cuffed before they arrive. So you getting old is bull. They all wish they have a body like you and be as fit as you are. Nick said the other night that he doesn't get it, how you do it. He said that he doesn't even get close to keep it up with you. That he is out of breath by the time he gets to you. That your stamina is exceptional. So don't try the 'I'm getting old excuse' on me babe, because I know it is far from the truth. And I don't care if it was true, which it isn't, you are the most beautiful and sexy woman to me."

" You are talking about yourself you mean. Alex, you are stunningly beautiful. And with those damn glasses you are sinfully sexy. You can't get it any hotter then you wearing your glasses."

"So, you like my glasses huh, Detective."

"Hell yeah, you are drop dead gorgeous without them. But when you wear them you are so incredibly beautiful and sexy it should be illegal. It gives you something extra. You are intelligently sexy when you wear them and impossible to resist, Counselor."

"Good to know, Detective. Good to know. Now get your perfect toned ass on that sofa and lay down."

"Perfect huh? I think I like that, Counselor."

Olivia walks to the sofa and lay down on it. Alex walks to the kitchen and looks what there is to make a meal. Since there isn't much there she decides to make some grilled cheese sandwiches.

As soon as Olivia laid down on the sofa she fell asleep. She was exhausted of everything that happened that day and the conversation she had with Alex. Unfortunately talking about Alex's shooting brought everything back to the surface. Olivia still had nightmares about it. Not every night as she used to have but they were still there. It didn't take long before Olivia was trapped in an other nightmare. Alex was in the kitchen making grilled cheese sandwiches when she heard Olivia screaming. She ran into the living room and saw Olivia curled up in the fetus position. Rocking and shaking.

"Alex, stay with me. No no no. Don't die, Alex." Olivia sobbed. Crying in here sleep.

It broke Alex's heart to see her girlfriend in so much pain. Trapped in a nightmare. Knowing about what the brunette was dreaming. She sat down on the sofa and takes Olivia in her arms.

"Liv, wake up honey. You're safe. I'm safe. It's just a nightmare. Wake up honey." Alex says trying to wake Olivia up.

"Alex, don't die. Please don''t die. I need you. Come on Alex, stay with me."

Olivia wouldn't wake up. She starts yanking away from Alex but the blond ADA don't let go. She keep on holding Olivia in her arms. She starts drawing circles on Olivia's back. Knowing that it used to calm Olivia down.

"You're lying, she can't be dead. You're lying. NOOOO."

Olivia wakes up from the sound of her own screaming. She looks around not completely awake.

"Lex?" Olivia whispers.

"I'm here, Liv. It's was a nightmare. I'm alright, I'm safe. You are safe. It's ok now, honey." Alex says softly.

"I'm sorry, Lex." Olivia says.

"You don't have to be sorry, Liv. There is nothing to be sorry about. Do you have them often? Nightmares about it?" Alex asks.

"Yes, I do. Not every night anymore. But I still have them frequently. You?" Olivia asks.

"Yes, I have them too. Just like you, not every night. The worst are when you die instead of me." Alex answers.

"The worst for me are seeing you lying on the pavement and I can't reach you. I can't save you."

"But you did reach me and you saved me. I know you are still feeling guilty. You probably always will. Like I always will. But the most important thing is that we are here together. We survived it. And we don't blame each other for what happened."

"I could never blame you, Alex. I already loved you then." Olivia kisses Alex's for head.

"Thank you, Alex for being here. For understanding me, this." Olivia says.

"You too. Thank you for using your head today. For coming back to me." Alex answers.

"I always will do the best I can to come back to you. From now on I will try not to take any risks if it's not necessary. I know you are worried when I'm in the field, on the streets. But I promise you I to be more careful. I'm not alone anymore. I have to think about you too. Even though we just started being a couple. I know it's different now. Being worried for a friend or for your girlfriend are two different things. And I realize that."

"That's all I can ask of you. To be more careful. I don't wanna change you, Liv. I know what it means to be a detective for you. And you are a very good detective. It's a part of who you are. A part of you that I love too. Yes I'm worried when you have to follow a warrant or make an arrest. But I trust you. I know you will be more careful now. We have been working together for a long time. I know what it means to be involved with a cop, or in this case a damn good detective. I was worried as your friend and now I will be worried as your girlfriend. Just as you will be worried for me."

"Yes I will. How about we are gonna eat now, Counselor?"

"Oh, crap. The sandwiches." Alex says, running to the kitchen.

Olivia stands up and walks to the kitchen.

"Are they burned?" Olivia asks.

"No. They're not. They are crispy though." Alex answers.

"That's ok. I like crispy. Let's eat them, Counselor."

"Ok, Detective. Where do you want to eat them. Here in the kitchen or on the sofa in the living room?"

"On the sofa if you don't mind?"

"No. Fine by me. Let's go then." Alex says.

She picks up their plates and walks to the living room. She puts the plates on the coffee table in front of the sofa and wait for Olivia to take a seat before she takes a seat herself. Olivia picks up her plate and settle it in her lap and takes a bite of her sandwich.

"Mmmm, perfect. Taste really good, Alex." Olivia says after swallowing her bite.

"Thanks Liv, I think they are tasty too."

They eat the sandwiches in a comfortable silence. After they are done they bring the plates to the kitchen. Alex cleans everything up before they are going upstairs to the master bedroom.

"Do you need me to help you getting your clothes off? I know we don't have any yammies here. But I don't think you want to sleep in your clothes." Alex says.

"If you don't mind. I don't want to impose." Olivia answers.

"I wouldn't ask it if I don't want to do it."

"Ok. Then yes, please."

Olivia pulls of her badge and gun and lays them down on the night stand. Alex helps Olivia out of her clothes until she only wears her undershirt, her bra and boy shorts. She helps Olivia lay down on the bed and puts an pillow under her left arm. Olivia lays on the left side of the bed close to the door. Even with an broken arm she insisted to lay close to the door just in case.

"I just get your meds and a glass of water, I be right back." Alex says.

"Ok. Thank you for helping me, Alex."

"No need to thank me, Olivia. I told you I like to take care of you. I'll be back in a minute." Alex says.

Alex walks downstairs to get Olivia's medication and a glass of water and returns back to the bedroom.

"Here you go, Liv." Alex says handing over the medication and the glass of water.

"Thank you." Olivia answers.

While Olivia takes her medication, Alex undresses herself. Since she was wearing her suit she undresses herself until she is in her bra and panties. Olivia looked at Alex undressing herself and chokes on her water at the sight of Alex only wearing her bra and panties.

"Wow Lex, your are stunningly beautiful." Olivia says after getting her breath back.

Alex blushes at Olivia's words.

"Thank you, Liv. You are very beautiful too." Alex says.

Now it is Olivia who blushes. Alex walks around the bed and slides in next to Olivia. She turns her head to look Olivia in her eyes.

" May I lay down against you?" Alex asks.

"I would like that very much, Lex. I would like to fall asleep with you in my arms." Olivia answers.

Alex snuggles into Olivia and lays down her head on Olivia's chest. Olivia puts her right arm around Alex's waist and pulls her as close as she can against her. She let's her hand rest possessively on Alex's waist. The both let out at sigh. Feeling safe lying down in each others arms.

"You know we have to talk about us with the Captain tomorrow, right? I know we are just getting together. But after our conversation with him today, I don't think we can wait." Olivia says.

"I know. And I'm ready for it when you are. I know we agreed to take it slow. But I don't want to hide it. I know by telling him and Liz later there will be consequences but you are right we need to talk with them as soon as possible."

"I don't want to hide it either. But I'm not ready to get it out in the open. If you understand what I mean. I'm ok if the guys know it though."

"Me too. I would like to have you all to myself for now. I'm ok with the guys to know it. I don't want it out in the open too, not yet. I don't want us in the spotlights right now and that's gonna happen when we are out in the open."

"It's gonna be a freaking media circus. I'm not ready for that too. I'm a very private person as are you. So keeping you all to myself for now is perfect for me."

"Yeah, for me too. Ok, so we're gonna talk with Cragen tomorrow and we need to talk with Liz when we get back."

"Ok."

"I think we should try to sleep. Tomorrow will be busy."

"Yeah, you're right. And with the meds I think I'll be out pretty soon. Not that I like it. Those stupid meds always makes me feel like I have a hangover the next morning."

"Poor baby, being drugged up by meds." Alex teases.

"Bite me, Cabot." Olivia answers.

5 seconds later...

"Ow, why did you do that" Olivia yelps.

**A/N I know Liz isn't Alex's boss anymore but I like her more. So that's why I've chosen her to be Alex's boss. Please R+R. **


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"You said bite me, so I did." Alex smirks.

"Do you always take things literally? Damn Alex, that stings." Olivia says rubbing over her collarbone.

"Sorry, Liv. I didn't meant to bite so hard that it would sting."

"Yeah yeah. Just so you know Counselor, you only are getting away with it for now."

"For now? Why for now?"

"Because my meds are kicking in."

"Ow. Does that mean I'm in trouble later, Detective?"

"Yes you are, Counselor. Maybe just maybe, you will be lucky and I forgot it by the time I wake up."

"Well in that case. Forget it."

"Very funny. Let's go sleeping, baby. We had one hell of a day. We both can use a good night rest."

"Yes we can. I know I can use it. I like you calling me baby."

"Mmm. Me too. Goodnight Lex." Olivia mumbles sleepy.

"Goodnight Liv."

Olivia kisses Alex head before she falls asleep. Alex listens to the steady heartbeat from the sleeping brunette. It doesn't take long before the ADA falls asleep too.

A few hours later Olivia wakes up and turns on the lamp on the night stand. She has a feeling something isn't right. Alex lays half on top of her. Feeling the blond ADA in her arms while waking up puts a smile on Olivia's face. Olivia carefully tries to get out from under Alex without waking her up. After 5 minutes Olivia is finally able to leave the bed. She takes her gun and cellphone of the night stand and tip toes out of the bedroom. Slowly and silently Olivia checks every room in the house and checks if all the doors are locked. Then she hears someone is walking around the house and calls Amanda. The cellphone rings 3 times before Amanda answers it.

"Rollins." Amanda answers sleepily.

"Amanda, it's Olivia. Someone is walking around the house." Olivia whispers.

"What? Are you sure?" Amanda answers now fully awake.

"Yes. I'm sure. Someone is walking around the house. I've checked all the rooms and they are clear. All the doors are locked. Can you come here as soon as possible? Call the Captain, Fin and Munch on your way." Olivia says.

"Yes, of course. I'm on my way. I'll be there in 15 minutes. Stay inside. Keep Alex and yourself safe."

"I will. Just hurry up. And be careful when you get here."

"I will. See ya soon."

"Ok. Bye."

"Bye."

Amanda quickly puts some clothes on and runs out of her apartment to her car. She puts on the sirens. Then she calls Cragen. After 4 rings Cragen answers the phone.

"Cragen."

"Captain, it's Amanda. Olivia just called me. Someone is walking around the house. I'm on my way there."

"Damn it. Alright. Call Fin, I call Munch. I'm on my way too. I'll be there in 20 minutes. And Amanda, stay safe. Wait for the rest of us unless you have no choice."

"I will. I call Fin now. See ya soon Captain."

"Yes. Bye."

"Bye."

Cragen curses a few times and calls Munch. Getting dressed in the mean time. Munch answers the phone right away. He is working at the precinct.

"Munch."

"John, it's Cragen. You need to go the safe house now. Olivia called Amanda. Somebody is walking around the house. I'm on my way but it will take me 20 minutes to get there. Amanda is there first."

"Oh damn it. I'm on my way Captain. Be there in 15 minutes. Bye."

"Ok. Bye."

At the same time Amanda is calling Fin. Who happens to be at the precinct too. Fin answers his cellphone after the first ring.

"Tutuola."

"Fin, it's Amanda. Ya need to come to safe house now. Something ain't right. Olivia called me. Someone is walking around the house."

They both hear Munch cursing.

"Seems like Munch got the call to. We are on our way. Be there in 15."

"Ok. See ya there. I'm there in 10. Bye."

"Bye."

Olivia was pacing in the living room for 10 minutes before she decided to go upstairs and stay with Alex. It was a risk. But she had to make sure Alex was safe. So she walks upstairs and tip toes back into the bedroom. She stands up against the wall next to door. She hears a lock opens and she calls Amanda again.

Amanda is within 3 minutes from the safe house so turns off the sirens. At the same moment her cellphone rings again. She looks at it and sees it Olivia.

"Hey Liv. I will be there in 3 minutes."

"Can't talk anymore somebody is in the house. I let the phone on so you can listen." Olivia whispers.

Olivia lays down her cellphone behind a dresser front down and goes back to where she stood.

Amanda curses inside her head. Speeding up to get there as soon as she can.

Olivia hears someone walking to their bedroom and takes a deep breath. She hopes she can protect Alex. Alex who is still asleep and doesn't have clue what's happening.

The door to the bedroom opens and then Olivia sees it's Atkins. Atkins hasn't seen Olivia standing next to the door opening when opens the door and steps inside. With a gun in his hand. He pointed it at Alex.

Olivia puts her gun against the sleep on his head.

"Didn't aspect me here did you?" Olivia says.

"Ah Detective, how nice to see you and your girlfriend here." Atkins answers.

"Drop your gun, Atkins."

"Or what? You're gonna shoot me? I don't think so." Atkins says opening his jacket.

Atkins has bomb on top of his stomach. The controller in his left hand.

Alex wakes up and freezes as she sees Atkins standing with the bomb and her girlfriend next to him.

"You see, if you shoot me I let go the controller and when it hits the floor the bomb will go off. Didn't I tell in my letter I would have my way with your girlfriend and the only thing you can do is watch?" Atkins says with a sly grin on his face.

"Over my dead body." Olivia answers.

"Now where is the fun in that? No you are gonna watch Detective." Atkins says turning to Olivia and pointed his gun at her.

Olivia knows she has to find a way to keep him talking. She knows Amanda is on her way and should be there any minute. So she needs to buy time. Plus the fact that she really means it when she said 'over my dead body'. Her priority now is to keep Alex safe and unharmed. With an broken arm in plaster she is in a major disadvantage.

"Like I said, over my dead body." Olivia says.

"I don't think so. There is not much you can do now, is it Detective. You have a broken arm you can't use and I have a gun and a bomb. Who do you think will win?" Atkins asks.

"Not you." Olivia says as she punches Atkins in his side with her broken arm.

It hurts like hell. But Olivia knew she was running out of time and had to do something.

"You gonna pay for that you bitch." Atkins says.

He pulls the tricker and shoots Olivia in her stomach. As he fires again shooting Olivia in her right shoulder Olivia shoots Atkins in his head. They both crashes down on the floor. Somehow Olivia managed to catch the controller. Atkins is dead before he hits the floor.

"Amanda, you're still there?" Olivia asks fighting to stay conscious.

"Yeah. I'm here. Hold on Liv, I'm almost there." Amanda answers.

"Amanda call the bomb squad and get Alex out of here. Promise me."

"I will. I promise. Stay awake Liv."

Alex has jumped out of bed as soon as Atkins and Olivia crashed on the floor. She grapes Olivia's shirt and pushes it on the gunshot wound in her stomach. With her other hand she pushes on the wound at Olivia's shoulder.

"Stay with me, Liv, stay with me." Alex says. With the fear clearly in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Lex. I had to do something." Olivia says. Her voice rasps.

"Don't talk honey, safe your breath. Just stay with me." Alex answers.

In the mean time Amanda called 911.

"911. What is your emergency?" A female voice asks.

"This is Detective Rollins, Manhattan SVU. I need a bus at 46 W 78 th street. Officer down with a gunshot wound. I also need the bomb squad there."

"Ambulance will be there in 5 minutes, Detective."

"Thank you." Amanda says before hanging up.

She arrives at the safe house and jumps out of the car and runs to the front door. The front door is open and Amanda runs inside calling for Alex and Olivia.

"Alex, Olivia? Where are you?" Amanda asks.

"We are upstairs in the master bedroom. Hurry up Amanda." Alex answers back.

Amanda runs upstairs and to the bedroom. When she walks inside she sees Atkins lying. Dead. She walks to Alex and Olivia. Pulls of her jacket and puts it on Olivia's shoulder pushing on the gunshot wound.

Fin and Munch arrives 30 seconds after Amanda. They see the open door and run inside. They hear the voices of Alex and Amanda upstairs and run upstairs. When they enter the bedroom they see Olivia lying down with Alex and Amanda with her. Fin speaks up first.

"What the hell happened here."

"Go outside. Atkins has a bomb and Olivia has the controller in her hand." Amanda answers.

They step back to the door opening.

Olivia starts to close and open her eyes.

"Liv, stay with me. Come on honey, stay with me. Stay awake, look at me, Liv." Alex says to Olivia. Trying to keep the Detective awake.

Olivia turns her head to Alex and looks Alex in her eyes.

"That's it, Liv. Just look at me." Alex says.

Amanda talks to Fin and Munch.

"She have a gunshot wound in her stomach and her right shoulder. Somehow she managed to catch the controller. Atkins threatened to have his way with Alex and that's when it went wrong. I don't know what Olivia did. But that's when Atkins said that she was gonna pay for that and then I heard three gunshots. Olivia called me just before Atkins came upstairs and hided her cellphone. We need to get her and Alex out of here ASAP."

"I'm going downstairs for the paramedics. Get them upstairs." Fin says and walks downstairs.

"When the paramedics are here I take the controller out of Olivia's hand and wait here for the bomb squad. You go downstairs with them." Munch says to Amanda.

He didn't even try to get Alex out of the room now. Knowing there was no way in hell that the blond ADA would leave Olivia.

Fin went outside waiting for the paramedics to arrive when Cragen arrives. He gets out of cars and walks to Fin.

"What happened? How are Alex and Olivia?" Cragen asks Fin.

"Atkins got into the house and found Alex and Olivia in the master bedroom upstairs. Atkins is dead. Liv shot him. But before she shot him he shot her twice. She has a gunshot wound in her stomach and her shoulder. Atkins has a bomb on his body. Liv managed to catch the controller. Alex is not wounded. Liv called Amanda and hided her cellphone so Amanda could hear everything. Munch is upstairs with Amanda, Alex and Liv." Fin explained.

"Damn it." Cragen cursed.

"Why are you outside?" Cragen asks.

"Waiting for the paramedics to arrive and take them upstairs. They should be here soon." Fin answers.

Upstairs in the bedroom Alex and Amanda keep trying to stop the bleeding of Olivia's gunshot wounds.

"Where is that damn Ambulance?" Alex asks.

"They should be here anytime now." Amanda answers.

"Lex." Olivia whispers.

"Liv, stay with me honey. They are almost here. Look at me, Liv." Alex says.

Olivia looks at Alex. Brown eyes look in cerulean eyes.

"Lex, I love you." Olivia whispers.

"I love you too, Liv. Stay with me honey. Stay with me." Alex answers.

"I love you, Lex. Don't forget that." Olivia whispers and loses consciousness .


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"No no no no, Liv. Come on Liv, stay with me." Alex says.

Munch sees that Olivia lost consciousness and runs downstairs. At that moment the paramedics arrives.

He runs outside to the paramedics.

"What took you so long. Hurry up she lost consciousness." Munch spat at the paramedics.

They took the stretcher and walk inside. The stairs doesn't have a curve so they are able to take the stretcher upstairs. Munch walks inside and carefully takes the controller out of Olivia's hand. Olivia is in the Ambulance in less then 3 minutes. Amanda and Alex are in the Ambulance as well both pushing on a gunshot wound. They arrive at the hospital 3 minutes after the left the safe house. They take Olivia straight to the OR. Alex and Amanda walk to the waiting room of the ER. Amanda takes a seat. Alex starts pacing.

In the mean time the bomb squad arrives at the safe house. Cragen stands outside waiting for them. Fin is upstairs with Munch.

Robinson walks to Cragen.

"What do have now?"

"A dead suspect with a bomb on his body. Detective Munch holds the controller in his hand. This location is a safe house we had ADA Cabot and Detective Benson here. Atkinson, the suspect, managed to take out two officers silently and got into the house. Detective Benson managed to shoot him but not before he shot her twice. Somehow she catches the controller before it hit the floor." Cragen explained the situation.

"What a sick son of a bitch. How is Detective Benson? ADA Cabot is she alright?"

"Yes. ADA Cabot is unharmed. Detective Benson I don't know. She lost consciousness before the paramedics got here. She's at the hospital now."

"I hope she's gonna make it. I really am. Now we go inside. Where are they? Upstairs or downstairs?"

"Upstairs in the master bedroom."

"Ok we gonna take the controller over from Detective Munch. I assume that you want to go to the hospital as soon as possible?"

"Yes."

"OK. Is there an other team on their way?"

"Yes I called them in. They should be here any minute. SVU Brooklyn is taking this over."

"Let them secure the area. As soon as they are here, you guys can leave."

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

Cragen and Robinson walked upstairs the rest of the bomb squad behind them.

"Detective Munch can you hand over the controller to Detective Riley?" Robinson asks. Pointing to a Detective behind Cragen.

"Yes, of course." Munch says.

"After you hand over the controller, you can leave the safe house. Captain Cragen here told me that SVU Brooklyn is taking this over. As soon as they are here you can leave to the hospital." Robinson says.

Munch hands over the controller carefully to Detective Riley. Relieved that he get writ of it.

Cragen, Munch and Fin walk downstairs and outside. Waiting for the SVU Brooklyn squad.

They arrive shortly after they went outside.

Cragen gives a quick heads up to the leading Detective and after that they are going to the hospital.

A few minutes later Cragen, Fin and Munch are walking into the waiting room. Their heart breaks when they see Alex pacing.

"How is she?" Cragen asks Amanda.

"They took her to the OR right away. We don't no more then you do." Amanda answers.

Fin walks to Alex and stand right in front of her to stop the blond ADA from pacing.

"Alex, you know Liv is a fighter. She will fight." Fin says.

"I know. But what if she doesn't make it? I don't know what to do without her, Fin." Alex whispers.

"Have faith in her, Alex. She won't leave you. You have to believe in her. I know, it's hard. But you and I know how stubborn she is. She won't give up."

"I'm scared, Fin." Alex says softly.

"I know baby girl. We all are. But there is only one person she is fighting for right now and that is you, Alex."

Fin takes Alex to a chair and let her sit down and takes the seat next to her. They all are silent now. Waiting to hear something, anything about Olivia.

Suddenly Amanda speaks up.

"Shouldn't we call Nick?" Amanda asks.

"I called him on our way up here. He comes as soon as he can." Cragen answers.

After that it went silent again. Everybody lost in their own thoughts. Slowly the waiting room is filling with members of the force. A lot of cops knows Olivia and they all want to know how she is doing. Most of them stay a few minutes and then leave again. But it is a coming and going with men and women in blue. Nick walks in an hour after Olivia went in the OR.

He takes a seat next to Amanda.

"Any news yet? Nick asks Amanda.

"No. She is still in the OR. But nobody showed up for an update." Amanda answers.

Nick asks softly at Amanda what the hell happened and Amanda tell him everything that happened. After that they went silent again. Liz and Lena Petrovsky came in shortly after Nick arrived. Liz talks with Alex for a few minutes. She knows when to leave Alex alone or not. She knows that when Alex wants to talk, she will come.

Alex is pacing in the waiting room on and off. Fin managed to let Alex sit down for a minute or 10 each time, but every time Alex can't sit still and start pacing again.

They are waiting there for hours. Alex corners a nurse that is coming in the waiting room now and then, but they don't get any news.

After 7 long hours of waiting a doctor comes into the waiting room. She gets a tiny little smile in the corners of her mouth when she sees the waiting room is full of cops.

"Family of Detective Benson?" The doctor asks.

Alex, Cragen, Amanda, Munch, Nick and Fin are standing up. Cragen takes a step forward. Fin nudges Alex.

"Go on, Alex" Fin whispers.

Alex looks at Fin for a moment and then she takes a step forward and stand next to Cragen.

Cragen looks at Alex and Alex gives him a small nod.

"I'm Captain Donald Cragen and this is ADA Alexandra Cabot. We are Detective Benson's next of kind." Cragen says.

"I'm Doctor West. Are you family of Detective Benson?" Doctor West asks.

"No. Detective Benson has no family." Cragen answers.

Fin clears his throat softly but Alex hears it. It gives her the courage that she needs.

"I'm Detective Benson's girlfriend." Alex says softly. Loud enough for the Doctor and Cragen to hear but soft enough that the others couldn't hear it.

Doctor West nods. She understand that the rest accept for the black Detective and the Captain doesn't know it yet.

"Ok. I address to the two of you then." Doctor West says.

"Thank you." Cragen answers.

"Detective Benson made it to surgery. How ever she is in a coma. She lost a lot of blood. She is a fighter though. We lost her 3 times but she kept coming back. Some stubborn Detective she is. Most people wouldn't survive but she did. That doesn't mean she is out of the woods yet. Her brains are swollen. We needed to open up her scull to give her brains some space. The next 48 hours will be critical." Doctor West explains.

Alex winced when the Doctor told them that the had lost Olivia 3 times. She barely can hold it together.

"Can we see her?" Cragen asks.

"We are bringing her to ICU as we speak. I can bring you all there but there can be one person inside at a time. Now I know you all want to see her. So I am allowing you all to go inside a minute. After that only one of you can stay longer." Doctor West says.

Alex looks at Cragen. Cragen gives her a nod. He knows that once Alex is at Olivia's side she won't leave her no matter what they say or do.

"Did Detective Benson fell on her head when she was shot? Normally someone does not get this kind of head injury by getting shot." Doctor West asks.

Cragen looks at Alex. Alex shakes her head.

"Her head came in contact with the floor but she didn't hit her head hard. She was almost blown up earlier today. I mean last night. She stood on a bomb and had to dive in an elevator when the bomb exploded. The paramedics checked her and she was brought to the hospital because of a arm injury. She has her left arm broken at two places and a hairline fracture in her humerus. But she was cleared out of the hospital." Alex answers.

"That makes things more complicated. Probably the blast of the explosion combined with getting shot and hitting her head on the floor, how briefly it may be, made her brains to swell up. The fact that we lost her 3 times doesn't do any good neither. So at this point I honestly can't say if she's gonna make it and what damage will be done to her head. We need to make a scan of her head to get an indication. She should make a full recovery from the gunshot wounds only. But as I said right now I can't say if she's gonna make it or what the damage will be if she makes it to the next 48 hours." Doctor West explains.

"Can we go to see her now, please?" Cragen asks.

"Yes of course. This way." Doctor West says as she points to the elevator.

They all went into the elevator and up to the first floor where the ICU is. Doctor West leads them to Olivia's room.

"Now remember one at the time and only for a minute." Doctor West says.

They all nod to the Doctor.

"Who goes first?" Doctor West asks.

Cragen looks at his Detectives with a stern look in his eyes before he answers.

"Alex, you go first. Take my minute too. So you can stay 2 minutes." Cragen says.

Alex wants to protest but decides against it as she sees the encouraging look in Cragen's eyes.

Fin speaks up too.

"Take my minute too, Alex." Fin says with a voice that leaves no space for arguing. Yet with a soft tone too.

Doctor West gets what's going on.

"Anyone else who wants to give up a minute?" She asks.

"Yes. Take my minute too." Munch says.

"Ya take mine too. Ya need it more then I do." Amanda says.

Nick knows something is going on. He doesn't know what but he guesses that it has to do something with what happened today. That and that Alex and Olivia know each other for almost 12 years. He decides to give Alex his minute too.

"Alex, you can take mine too. I think you went trough enough with Olivia today. So if you want it, it's yours." Nick says.

"Ok. Ms. Cabot you have 6 minutes to stay with Detective Benson. Go ahead." Doctor West says.

Alex whispers a quiet "Thank you" and takes a deep breath before she walks into Olivia's room.

Alex froze when she saw Olivia lying in the hospital bed. All hooked up with machines. Her head in a white bandage. Her left shoulder in a bandage and plaster. She always thought Olivia was unbreakable but see her lying in that hospital bed she looks fragile and almost broken. Alex walks to the bed and pulls a chair next to the left side of the bed. She sit down and takes Olivia's right hand in her left.

"Hi Liv, I don't know if you can hear me, I know studies showed that it's possible that you can so I talk to you. I'm here now and I won't leave your side. I stay in this chair until you wake up. And after you woke up I will staying in this chair. I need you to come back to me Liv, I need you to wake up. I need you. You can take all the time you need, but when you are ready I need you to come back to me. Without you my life is meaningless. I love you, Olivia Benson. I love you with my heart and with my soul."

Meanwhile outside Olivia's room Cragen talks with Doctor West. The rest of the squad are listening.

"I think you understand that Alex won't leave Olivia's side now that she in that room." Cragen says.

"Ms. Cabot can stay with Detective Benson for the 6 minutes she has from all of you. She can stay at the Detectives side during visiting hours after that." Doctor West answers.

"I think you don't understand what I'm saying. Alex or Ms. Cabot to you will stay at Olivia's side and not leave it. Meaning that she stays there how long she wants. Visiting hours or not." Cragen says.

"Ms. Cabot can stay there as I said she can."

"Let me get this straight with you. Do you know who she is?" Cragen asks.

"Yes. She is ADA Alexandra Cabot. As you have introduced her to me." Doctor West answers.

"That is correct, she is Alexandra Cabot as in THE Alexandra Cabot. The Alexandra Cabot who's name is on the plaque outside this wing. She is THE Alexandra Cabot from the Alexandra Cabot Foundation."

"She is that Alexandra Cabot?"

"Yes she is THAT Alexandra Cabot. Now that we made it clear who she is, I tell you this one more time. Alex stays inside that room with Olivia as long as she wants. If she wants to stay there for the next nights and days, she stays there for the next nights and days. And I advice you to allow her that, unless you want a lawsuit against this hospital or to stop the donation you get from her foundation. A very generous donation I think. Did I make myself clear, Doctor?" Cragen says sternly.

"Yes you have. Ms. Cabot is allowed to stay at Detective Benson's side as long as she wishes. I make sure that the nurses and doctors will know that, Captain." Doctor West says.

"Good. I'm glad we understand each other. I also think that Alex being with Olivia hearing her voice at some point, will help Olivia to wake up. Knowing that Alex is at her side makes her fight even harder then she already does." Cragen says and turning to his Detectives.

"We all take turns and stay in the ER waiting room. I think that if something changes in Olivia's condition they can send someone there to inform us. Am I right Doctor?" Cragen asks.

"Yes. Of course. I make sure they come to the waiting room to inform you about Detective Benson's condition. Well the one that is there. I think it is safe to assume that if something changes that who ever is there will contact the rest of you?" Doctor West answers.

"Yes we will. Now Alex and I are the next kind in line. We both are listed as her MPA. Alex will make the decisions that need to be making. I will support her and help her to make the choices if she can't make them on her own. But first of all you turn to her if there is a decision needed to make." Cragen says.

"Understood." Doctor West says.

"Good. Amanda I want you to stay in the hospital. The rest of you go back to the precinct now. I will let Alex know that you are here, Amanda. In case she needs something. Nick, I'm sorry to cut off your free time but I need you back now that Olivia is here in the hospital." Cragen says.

"Of course, Captain. I don't want it any other way either." Nick answers.

"Good. Now go all of you."

They all thanked the Doctor for saving their friend and colleague and went their ways.

Doctor West turns to Cragen.

"If you will excuse me, I have to go. I make sure that everybody understands the present of Ms. Cabot at Detective Benson's side and that they need to go to the ER waiting room if something changes in Detective Benson's condition."

"Yes of course. Thank you for your cooperation Doctor and for saving Olivia. Now it's up to her."

"You're welcome. Now I know that we don't know if Detective Benson is gonna make it, but I think the fact that Ms. Cabot is at her side will increase the possibility. Detective Benson is one hell of a fighter."

"Yes she is. And she is also stubborn as hell. In this case I think that is a good thing right now. Again thank you Doctor West."

"You're welcome. Now I really need to go."

"Yes of course. I only will tell Alex that she can stay with Olivia as long as she wants and then I will leave too."

"That's alright. Goodbye Captain."

"Goodbye Doctor."

Doctor West left and Cragen knocks on the door and opens it.

"Alex can you come here for a moment?" Cragen asks.

Alex stands up and walks to the door stepping out of the room and closes the door behind her.

"Where is everybody?" Alex asks.

"They all went back to the precinct. Accept for Amanda. She is in the ER waiting room. If something changes in Olivia's condition they will go to there to inform her. We all take turns to stay at the hospital so that as soon as something changes we will now it. If you need anything you can there."

"OK. But I won't leave Olivia's side. I don't care what I have to do to make that happen. Last night we talked and confessed to each other what we're feeling. We were gonna talk with you tomorrow, today now. And we were gonna talk with Liz when we would have left the safe house. To talk with you. I guess that's not necessary now."

"No it's not. I managed to arrange that you can stay with Olivia as long as you want to. I knew that when once you were inside you wouldn't leave her side. So I made that clear to Doctor West. She promised me to let the nurses and doctors are aware of that." Cragen answers.

"Thank you Don. You can't imagine how much that means to me."

"Nothing to thank me for. Just stay at her side." Cragen answers.

"Wasn't gonna leave her and I won't. I leave this hospital the day that Liv gets out of here." Alex says.

"Good. Now I go back to precinct and you go back to your girl, Counselor."

'Ok. Bye Don." Alex says.

"Bye Counselor. If you need anything just ask." Cragen says.

Alex give a nod and turns around and opens the door of Olivia's room. She walks back to the chair next to the Detectives bed.

"I'm back, Liv. I needed to speak with the Cragen for a moment. But I won't leave your side. Cragen made it clear to the doctor that I'm gonna stay here. I won't leave this chair for a long time. Please come back to me, Liv. I love you so much and I need you."


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

It was six days after Olivia got shot by Atkins. The brunette was still in a coma. She was breathing on her on since yesterday. Alex had kept her word and hadn't left the Detective's side. The guys were all back to work and Alex was alone in the hospital. Doctor Brown allowed more people to visit Olivia. Only 2 people at the time and not longer then 10 minutes at the time. Since Alex wasn't gonna leave Olivia's side it meant one other person was allowed to visit Olivia. The guys made a schedule for who was gonna visit Olivia. They included Liz and Lena Petrovsky in their schedule. One of them would visit Olivia in the morning, one in the afternoon and one in the evening. It was 9 am when Amanda knocked at the door of Olivia's room. She was the first visitor today. Alex looked up to the door and saw Amanda standing in front of it and motioned the blonde Detective to come in. Amanda opens the door and walked in closing the door softly behind her.

"How is she doing?" Amanda asked Alex. Pulling a chair to the other side of Olivia's bed.

"She's still in a coma." Alex answers.

"She's not responding to something?"

"No. She is not responding at all."

"How are ya holding up?"

"I'm fine."

"Have ya been eating the last days?"

"Yes. The nurses have brought me something to eat. I don't want to leave Liv alone to get something to eat."

"I know. But it's hospital food it can't be that good. How about I get ya some proper breakfast? I can sit here for the rest of the time when I come back."

"That's nice of you to offer but you don't have to. I don't want to impose."

"You're not. I'm offering it. Now do ya want it or not?"

"Yes, I would like that. A real breakfast would be nice. Thank you, Amanda."

"No need to thank me. It's the least I can do. Now what do ya want?"

"Pancakes and scrambled eggs with toast, please."

"Ok. Ya want something to drink? Coffee, tea or something else?"

"A cup of tea, please."

"Ok. Pancakes, scrambled eggs with toast and a cup off tea. I will be back in 30 minutes." Amanda says standing up and leaving Olivia's room.

30 minutes later Amanda was back with breakfast and a cup of tea for Alex. The two of them had some small talk while Alex was eating. After 10 minutes Amanda stands up.

"Well I'm leaving. If there is anything I can do or one of the guys, just let us know." Amanda says.

"Who is falling in for me now that I'm here?" Alex asks.

"Casey Novak. I don't know her. She just passed the bar exam. I can't believe they assigned some rookie to our unit. Fin and Munch say that she is ok. That she's good. Well not as good as ya are but a good second best. I don't know about that." Amanda answers.

"Casey Novak? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Why, do ya know her?"

"Yes. She was my successor when I left SVU to go into Witsec. She isn't a rookie Amanda. She is the second best ADA in SVU history. You couldn't be luckier then having her assigned to the unit. But it's temporary till I come back. I can't believe that Casey would do that."

"Oh damn. I didn't know that. But from what I've heard she ain't here temporary. Liz said that the case load is big enough for the both of ya. I guess that if Liv come back to SVU there won't be a conflict of interest then."

"She is back permanently? Well there are enough cases to work on for the both of us. Wait a second, what do you mean with conflict of interest?"

"Oh come on Alex, I ain't that stupid. Do ya really think that I don't know Liv and ya are together. The way ya two acted made that clear to me and if I hadn't know it by that I sure would now it when we were in the safe house. Don't worry I won't talk about it and neither does Munch or Fin. But it is a good thing that Novak is with us too now, no conflict of interest. She can take Olivia's cases."

"Yes if you look it that way. It really is a good thing that Casey is back. And thank you for keeping it to yourself, about us I mean. Liv and I. Who else is coming today? And can you add Casey to list of visitors, please?"

" Yes of course. I'll tell the Captain to add her to the list ad your request. Now Fin is coming this afternoon and Cragen tonight. That is if we don't catch a new case of course. I don't now who is coming if we do have a new case."

"Well if you catch a new case, ask if Liz or Casey are available. If and only if you all have to work on that case."

"Sure no problem. I mean it Alex, if there is anything we or I can do, please let us know. You're not alone in this. We want ya to know that."

"Thank you, Amanda. And thanks for the breakfast and tea."

"That's ok. Ya need to eat good, otherwise Olivia is gonna kick our asses if she finds out. Well I really need to go now. See ya soon and take care, Alex."

"See you soon. Bye Amanda."

"Bye Alex."

And with that Amanda left Olivia's room and closed the door behind her. Alex took back her spot in the chair next to Olivia's bed. She took Olivia's hand in hers and talked to her again. Hoping that somehow the brunette would hear her, knew that she was there. It was 3pm when Alex was talking to Olivia again and didn't hear the knock on the door or that it was opened.

"I know you always want me safe but why did you do this, Liv? Why did you risked your own life?" Alex asks.

"To safe yours like she always will do."

Alex turned her head and sees Casey standing in the door opening.

"Hi Casey."

"Hi Alex."

Casey walks inside and closes the door.

"No offense, but how do you know that?"

"None taken. Because if our Badass Detective hasn't changed since I left that is what she always will do. After a rather difficult almost violent start we became close. That's how I know it."

Alex looked at Olivia and back to Casey.

"Liv never told me the of you were involved." Alex says with the pain clearly in her voice.

"Don't worry Alex. We never were involved, not that way. We became close friends. There is, was and always will be only one ADA in Liv's heart and soul and that is you. Why did you think our start was so difficult and almost violent? Because I made the biggest mistake you can make if it comes to Olivia Benson. And that was the way I introduced myself."

"How can you screw up that?" Alex asks surprised.

"Simple. Shoot yourself in your foot when she asks you who the hell you are and answer with "I'm your new ADA, Casey Novak. I'm the replacement of Alex Cabot.". If looks could kill I'm pretty sure I was dead now. I've learned the hard way that ADA Alexandra Cabot is irreplaceable in Liv's eyes. After a while she trusted me but she will never trust any ADA like she trusts you, Alex."

Alex had the good grace to blush at that answers.

"No way. I certainly am replaceable. Although I have to admit that it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do." Alex answers.

"Probably, how about certainly? She literally said "Nobody can replace Alex Cabot.". Her words." Casey answers with a smile.

"Wow. Casey, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I should have kept my mouth shut when I saw the look on her face when I told her I was the new ADA. Anyway, we got over that. After a while I learned how important you are to her. She would do the exact same thing again if she had too. Well enough about that. How is she doing?"

"She's still in a coma. She died 3 times on the table but they were able to get her back each time. Truthfully the Doctor still don't know if she ever wakes up or how she will be when she does."

"She will make it, Alex. Why do you think they were able to get her back 3 times. Because of you. She will fight to come back to you. It may take a while but she will come back. I just know she will."

"How can you be so sure of that, when even the Doctor don't know if she will wake up?"

"Because the Doctor don't know her. Not like you and I do. I've never met anyone so stubborn in my whole life as Olivia Benson. Let me tell you something. When I joined the SVU she was broken, devastated. I heard about her long before I was assigned to SVU. How she was this strong, tough and dedicated Detective. She wasn't when I met her. She wasn't herself for a very long time. I saw the look in her eyes when you came back for the Connors trial. The few days you were there I saw the real Olivia Benson. That was when I knew you are irreplaceable, how much you really mean to her. We talked a lot in our friendship but very often our conversation somehow came up to you. When we talked about you, I saw her eyes lighten up. She had a sparkle in them when she talked about you. Because of all that I know she will make it, that she will come back to you."

"I know it was hard for her but I didn't know it was that hard."

"Even when you were gone she would everybody's head off when they said something about you that she didn't like. She has always defended you and she always will. Get used to it Counselor, you are the only person that counts for her."

"As she is for me. That is why I won't leave her side. I won't leave this hospital until she will be released."

"I know that. I wouldn't aspect otherwise. All I can ask of you is to take care of her. Which I know you will do."

"You've got that right. Amanda told me you are reassigned to SVU. Welcome back, Counselor."

"Thank you. Liz asked me if I would be interested to come back to SVU. To co work with you. For some reason only Manhattan SVU had only one ADA. And you and I both know how big the case load is. So when Liz asked me I was glad I could return to SVU. I am looking forward to work with you. With the best ADA SVU ever had."

"Oh come, Casey. You are just as good as I am, at least. Liv will be thrilled when she finds out that you're back. She always speaks very highly about you."

"You know Alex, perhaps deep inside, but you know too that Liv is coming back. You keep saying when and not if, when you're talking about Liv. And when she comes back to SVU, the perps won't know what hit them when they hear they are founded guilty. The three of us on a tag team will be a very good combination."

"I guess you are right. Perhaps deep down inside I know it. I just don't dare to hope it. I'm scared or afraid that she won't make it. And you are right, they don't know what hit them. The two best ADA in the history of SVU and the best Detective of NYPD together is certainly a good combination."

"Yes it is. Now I have to go. I will be back as soon as I can and allowed to. Take care of Liv and of yourself. If there is anything you need or I can do for you just name it."

"Well there is something you can do for me. Would you mind go to my apartment and get some fresh clothes and something to read? I haven't changed my clothes in 3 days. And I would like to read to Liv."

"Sure. No problem. What do need me to get for you?"

"Just some jeans and bottom down shirts. Some underwear and bra's. Toiletries. A few books and my my mp4 player and the speakers. The clothes are in my walk in closet. Toiletries in the bathroom. The books are in my office as are the mp4 and speakers."

"Ok. Consider it done. I will be back tonight. Do you have your keys here? And what is your address?"

Alex walks to her coat and pulls out the keys.

"Here are the keys. The address is 40 W 86 st. Top floor. As for the books. Pick out a few John Grisham books. Liv loves them and so do I."

"Ok. If nothing comes up I'll be here around 8 pm. Do I need to bring us some take out too? We can eat together if you like."

"That would be nice. Take something you like, I almost like everything. 8 pm is fine."

"Ok 8 pm it is.."

Casey bows to Olivia's ear and whispers in it.

"Hey Liv, it's Casey. You do know that some hot blonde by the name of Alex Cabot is waiting for you to wake up? So come back soon, she needs you. I'll be back tonight."

'See you tonight, Alex."

"See you tonight, Casey. Thank you for coming by and for going to my apartment."

"No problem. Just take care of your girl, Cabot."

"I will. Bye, Casey."

"Bye, Alex."

After Casey left, Alex turns back to Olivia.

"So I'm irreplaceable huh, Detective? Good to know. But did you really need to bite Casey's head of the first time you two met? Well I'm glad you and Casey became friends. I know how rear you let somebody inside. I'm so sorry that you had to go trough such a hard time after I … I got shot. I didn't know it was that hard for you. I promise you to never piss off the head of what ever powerful drugs cartel there is. I just wish you come back to me. I miss you and I need you. I love you, Liv. I know it takes time, but I never was the most patient person there is, was I? I want to go on a date with you, Olivia Benson. Sooner rather then later. So you better wake up, Detective. I can't go on a date with you all by myself, can I? Ok, I know that even if you wake up right now it's gonna take a while before you will be able to go on date, but hey a girl can dream. I can wait until you are ready for that. But I really really want you to wake up. I miss those beautiful brown eyes and that 1000 watt smile on your face. I just miss you. I want to lay down in your strong arms and feel safe, loved and wanted. And the only person I feel that way, are you. Nobody else has ever made me feel like that and no one else will be able to make me feel like that ever again. There is only one Detective Olivia Benson and I'm happen to be very much in love with her."

Alex leans over to Olivia and kisses her lips softly. Then she settles back in her chair to look at the brunette. After half an hour she stands up to go to the toilet in the bathroom of Olivia's room. Alex is in the bathroom when she thinks she heard her name whispered. She runs out the bathroom.

"Lex?"


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N I try to update as often as possible. Unfortunately sometimes it takes longer then I wish. **

**Please r+r. The reviews are really appreciated. Now let's go on with the story. Will Olivia have some other injuries or not... **

Chapter 14

"Lex?" Olivia calls again.

She doesn't see Alex and starts crying and closes her eyes.

'I thought I hear her talking. Guess I'm wrong then. Alex wasn't here at all. She isn't alive. Oh what am I going to do without her.'

Alex runs back into Olivia's room. She sees the tears on Olivia's face but her eyes are closed.

'I'm getting crazy I think. I swear I heard calling my name. Stop fooling yourself Cabot. Liv's not awake. You don't even know if she will be.'

Alex walks back to the chair next to Olivia's bed takes a seat in it and takes Olivia's hand in her own.

The moment Alex takes Olivia's hand in her own Olivia opens her eyes. She can't believe her eyes when she sees Alex sitting next to her bed.

"Lex?" Olivia whispers.

"Liv! You're awake! I thought I was going crazy hearing you call my name. How are you feeling?" Alex asks with tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry Lex, I hate it when I see you crying because of me. I hate it if I see you crying for what ever reason it may be."

"They are happy tears. I'm so happy that you wake up. That's why I'm crying. Now how are you feeling?"

"Like I got shot." Olivia deadpanned.

"That's because you got shot, twice actually. Once in your shoulder and once in your stomach. I go get Doctor Brown to check on you. I will be right back."

"That Doctor can wait for a few minutes. I just want to be with you for a few minutes. Before they find out I'm awake."

"Ok. It can wait for a few minutes. But after that I'm going to call the Doctor."

"Fine. How long was I out?"

"You have been in a coma for a week. The Doctor didn't even know if you would come out of it. Or how."

"What do you mean the Doctor didn't know if I would come out of it or how?"

"You're brains were swollen. They had to open up your skull. After a few days they went back to normal. But with the bomb exploding earlier that day they didn't now what damage you could have. Or how you would be if you wake up."

Olivia didn't remember a bomb explosion but she didn't tell Alex that.

"Oh ok. That will explain why the Doctor didn't know it."

"Are you in a lot of pain? You must be." Alex asks.

"Nah, nothing I can't handle." Olivia answers.

"And she is back. Detective Badass, Ladies and Gentlemen." Alex says with a smirk.

"What? What did I do wrong?" Olivia asks.

"Nothing. Just saying that you can handle pain. It's so you." Alex answers.

"I can. Really it's nothing."

"Pain of getting shot isn't nothing but keep on dreaming, Detective."

"Ok. It's not. But really, I can handle it. They gonna drip more morphine into that IV if I say I have a lot of pain, which I don't just to be clear."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are a big bad Detective, I know. Now I'm gonna call Doctor Brown." Alex says.

She stands up and kisses Olivia's for head before walking to the door and leaving the room to search for Doctor Brown looking at Olivia for a moment when she walks out. Olivia smiles at Alex. As soon as Alex left the room the smiles went of Olivia's face. In return she frowned her eye brows.

'What bomb explosion is she talking about. I don't remember a bomb explosion. And my brains were swollen? What the hell happened? What else do I not know? I can't tell Alex. She will freak out. How long have she been here?' Olivia thinks.

She puts on a small smile back on her face in case Alex comes back soon. But she doesn't feel like that. She has a feeling something is very wrong.

Alex comes back with Doctor Brown two minutes after she left.

"I see that you are awake Detective that's very good. My name is Emily Brown, I'm your Doctor. How are you feeling?" Doctor Brown asks.

"I'm feeling fine Doctor." Olivia answers. Which gets her a stern look from Alex.

"Really? Most patients say they are in pain when the got shot. You've got shot twice, so tell me the truth this time. How are you feeling."

"I'm fine really. Yes I have pain. Nothing I can't handle though."

"Olivia Benson! Cut the crap. You are in a hospital after getting shot twice, for heaven's sake. Now you tell the Doctor here how much pain you really have. And you better tell her the truth if you don't want a fight with me, Detective!" Alex says with her courtroom voice.

"What the hell, Counselor! I told the both of you that I'm fine. That yes I have pain. And no nothing I can't handle. Now if you don't believe me that's your problem not mine!" Olivia answers shooting daggers to Alex.

"Ok. Have it your way." Alex answers. Deciding not to fight Olivia right now.

"Thank you, Alex." Olivia says.

"Now I need to check your vitals and your wounds, after that I need to ask you some questions, Detective. Do you want Ms. Cabot to wait outside?" Doctor Brown asks.

"No that won't be necessary. Alex can stay. Unless she wants to leave." Olivia answers and looks at Alex.

"I like to stay." Alex answers.

"Ok. Ms. Cabot, could close the door please?" Doctor Brown asks.

Alex walks to the door and closes it. The Doctor pulls a curtain around Olivia's bed and starts taking her vitals. Alex walks to the opening between two sides of curtain and closes them behind her. She walks to the chair next to Olivia's bed and takes a seat. Leaving the Doctor to do what needs to be done. After taking her vitals the Doctor checks Olivia's GSW.

"Everything looks alright for now. So I'm going to ask you a few questions. Answer them as good as you can. If you don't know the answer to a question, don't panic, sometimes patients with your injuries forget things like what happened or what day it is. Ok, first question. Do you now your full name?" Doctor Brown asks.

"Detective Olivia Carmen Benson." Olivia answers.

"Good. How about her full name?" Doctor Brown points to Alex.

"Assistant District Attorney of New York Alexandra Maria Cabot. The best ADA there is." Olivia answers.

"The best huh? I'll take your word for it. What precinct do work with?" Doctor Brown smiles.

"1-6 precinct. Special Victims Unit and before you ask Alex is our ADA."

"That was my next question yes. How long have you been working at SVU?"

'First trick question. Maybe she'll buy it when I say the year.' Olivia thinks.

"Since 1999." Olivia answers.

There is a knock on the door.

"Come in." Olivia answers.

'Saved by the knock on the door this time, Benson'. Olivia thinks.

Although Doctor Brown knows Olivia is avoiding she allows it and pulls back the curtains. The door opens and Casey steps inside.

"Liv, you're awake. How are you feeling?" Casey asks shocked.

"Like I got shot, how else would I feel. Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what are you doing here, Casey?" Olivia asks clearly surprised.

"I'm back. So now you, I and Alex here can scare of all the perps." Casey answers winking with her eye brow.

"Oh wow, that's really really great, Casey. You and Alex on a tag team. The perps won't know what hit them." Olivia answers enthusiastically.

" Oh before I forget it. Alex, Amanda asked me to ask you if she needs to bring you breakfast tomorrow morning?" Casey asks Alex.

"That will be nice. Tell her I want the same thing as last time, she will now what it is." Alex answers.

Casey and Alex misses the look of hurt that is briefly in Olivia's eyes before she can hide it.

'Amanda? Who is Amanda and why does she bring Alex breakfast? Damn it.'

Alex and Casey may have missed it but Doctor Brown didn't.

"Ok. I tell her to bring breakfast when she comes tomorrow. I already have been at your apartment. I have everything you asked for. " Casey says.

"Oh thank you. I really appreciate it. You can putt the bag in the bathroom if you will." Alex answers.

'Wait a second. Casey have been in Alex's apartment? How does she know where Alex lives? What is going here. Is Alex cheating on me? No. She would never do that to me. Would she? I need to get everybody out here, now! I don't want to hear anything else.'

"Sorry to interrupt you girls. But I would like to rest now, so if you all would go I will really appreciate it." Olivia says.

"Yes of course. You must be tired. I'll come soon to visit you again, Liv." Casey answers.

"Thank you Casey, it was really nice to see you again." Olivia answers and looks to Alex.

"Don't need to go back to work? I'm sure you have a lot to do." Olivia asks Alex.

Alex is surprised with Olivia's question.

"No I don't have to back now. Do you want me to leave?" Alex asks as she can't hide it that she is surprised.

"Well no, but if you go home Amanda doesn't have to come here tomorrow to bring you breakfast." Olivia answers not able to keep the pain out of her voice.

Alex and Casey look at each other and then Alex looks at Doctor Brown.

"Could the two of you give us a moment, please?" Alex asks.

"Yes of course, call me if you need me. Otherwise I will come back in a few hours to check on Detective Benson." Doctor Brown says.

"I will see you tomorrow, Liv. I talk to you later, Alex. I need to go back to the office. I just came by to bring you your clothes and the other things you asked for. Your keys are in the bag. Goodbye Liv." Casey says.

"Goodbye Casey. Thanks for coming. See you tomorrow." Olivia answers.

Casey nods and leave Olivia's room.

" This button her is for your pain medication. Push it one time and it will give you a doses of morphine. I will come back in a few hours." Doctor Brown says as she points to the button.

"Thank you Doctor. I see you later." Olivia answers.

The Doctor nods to Olivia and Alex and leaves the room closing the door behind her.

Alex sit down in the chair next to Olivia.

"What's wrong Liv? I can see something is bothering you." Alex asks.

"Nothing is wrong Alex, I'm just tired that's all." Olivia answers.

"You may be tired but that's not what's wrong. Now I noticed you answered Doctor Brown's question about how long you are working at SVU with the year you started. And I get the feeling you are hiding something. So what's wrong?"

"I don't remember anything about a bomb explosion the day I was shot, Alex."

"That's ok. The Doctor told you that sometimes people forget what happened that day when they have an injury like you have. You don't have to worry about that, Liv. You will remember it later."

'Ok, face it Benson. Tell her the truth. Ask her who Amanda is, ask her why Casey was at her apartment and why they are so close.'

"Uhm Lex, why does Amanda bring you breakfast? How does she know what you like or want?"

"Amanda brings me breakfast because she got me some this morning when she came to visit you. She asked me if I wanted some real food and not the crap they give you in a hospital. I told that I would like that and what I wanted to have. Why do you asked this?"

"Just wanted it to know that's all."

"That's not all. Liv, what's going here? Are you jealous of Amanda?"

"No. I'm not jealous. Why would I?"

"You tell me. Liv, talk to me. Let me in. Why are you avoiding to answer questions? What is it that you are afraid of?"

"Alex, you don't want to know that. Trust me, you don't want the answer for those questions."

"Yes I do want the answers. I think you don't want to answer them. I don't know why. But I know there is something wrong and I know that you don't want to tell what it is. Why Liv, don't you trust me enough to tell me?"

"I don't want you to worry for me. I do trust you, Alex. You should know that by now. I care for you. I don't want you to hurt you."

"Well you make worry about you because you avoid to answer. And you do hurt me by not telling me what's wrong. We're in this together Liv, you and me. I want to help you, but I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Alex answers and takes Olivia's hand in her own hand.

"I need to ask you one question before I will tell you everything you want to know. Is that ok?"

"Yes that's ok."

"I love you. And I just want to know if we are on the same page first. You still are my girlfriend, right?"

"Yes, Olivia Benson, you are right. I still am your girlfriend and I'm proud of being it. I love you too. Now what's wrong?"

"Lex, why are Casey and you closer then I thought you would be? And who is Amanda?"

**A/N I now, I now. An other cliff hanger. Don't kill me for it. Because if you do I can't write anymore and you won't now what happens.**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N I hope I haven't let you wait for to long. I know left you with an other cliff hanger. Since nobody killed me for that I was able to write a new chapter. Thank you all for that.**

**Please r+r. Your reviews are really appreciated and make me as happy as kid in the candy store.**

Chapter 15

Alex blinks with her eyes and her eyebrows raising up almost into her hairline. She is shocked by Olivia's question. She has a feeling that there is something wrong with Olivia's memory and that is it more then the brunette let her know. Suddenly she is very worried about the Detective.

"Liv, honey, why do you ask these questions?"

"Because Casey knows where you live, apparently. Which I didn't know. She brought you clothes and other stuff. And I don't know any woman with the name Amanda. So I want to know since when Casey and you are knowing each other so well that she knows where you live. And how this Amanda is related to you. I'm not accusing you of cheating or something like that. I know you would never do that to me. I just want to know this."

"You're right I would never do that to you." Alex says.

She takes a deep breath before she asks Olivia the next question.

"Are you sure you don't know Amanda?"

"Of course I'm sure! I wouldn't ask who she is if I knew her would I? Lex, are you trying to tell me that should know who Amanda is?" Olivia asks whispering the last question.

"Yes, Liv. You should know her. I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to tell me the truth. What year is it, Liv?" Alex asks her softly, her worries about Olivia clearly in her eyes.

"I...I don't know. Oh God, I don't know what year it should be now." Olivia sobs.

"It's ok sweety. I'm not mad. What is the last thing you can remember?" Alex asks taking Olivia's hand in her own and squeezes it gently.

"You and a blonde woman pushing on my gunshot wounds. Munch standing in the door opening. I remember telling you that I love you. And you saying you love me. After that it is blanc."

"That's because you passed out after that. Do you know who that blonde woman is?"

"She looked familiar but I can't remember her name. I don't know why she was there or who she is."

"What do you remember before that? It doesn't matter what it is. Just what do you remember?"

"I can't remember why I was in that room where I was shot or who shot me. I can't remember when we got together. I'm so sorry. I even don't know how long we are together. I just know that we are. Wait a second. Alex, the first case we had after you came back from the Congo didn't we got a new female detective?"

"She was new to me. So probably she was was new. Why do you remember something?" Ales asks with hope in her voice.

"That case is the last thing I remember. I mean I don't remember the outcome but I do remember that you asked me if I thought that victim was telling the truth about the rape. I remember we had a new blonde detective named Rollins. That blonde woman with you looked like her. But what was her first name? Wait. Is her first name Amanda?"

"Yes, Liv. Yes. That's Amanda. Now do you know what year that was the case I mean?" Alex asks with relieve and happiness in her voice.

"Let me think... Oh yes. It was the end of June 2011. Right?" Olivia asks.

"Yes that right. You're doing good Liv. I'm proud of you." Alex answers.

"Thanks. Alex, it's 2011. This year I mean. If Amanda would work here for a long time I would remember her more clearly. It's now 2 November judging by that calendar over there." Olivia points at the wall across her bed.

"I was shot a week a go you said to me earlier. That means it was the end of October. So I'm missing what 3 months?" Olivia asks.

Even though Olivia is right and she is missing 3 months Alex couldn't help it but be a little happy right now. Olivia figured it out all by herself.

"Yes that's right. There is nothing else you remember since that day I asked you about that victim and what you remembered of the day of your shooting? Not that it isn't great what you remember now. Just trying to help you. I am so happy right now with what you do remember. I was so scared when you asked me who Amanda was." Alex says.

" I can't remember when Casey came back. She said she was back. And I'm thrilled about that. But I have to admit that I keep thinking about you two. Since when is she back? You two seem to know each other better then I thought you would." Olivia asks.

"Liv, You didn't missed anything about Casey coming back. She is assigned to SVU in my absence. I've been here with you from the moment you went to the hospital and was brought to this room. Amanda told me that she was assigned to SVU this morning. Because the guys got a case Casey came to visit you this afternoon. Liz told her there are enough cases for the both of us. Casey and I talked this afternoon. She came in when I was talking to you. I didn't here her knocking on the door or opening the door. She answered the question I was asking you. I asked you why you risked your own life and she said to me "to safe yours like she always will do.". We talked about how she knows you will always do that. How you two met for the first time and that you bit her head of, Detective Badass. Anyway at the and of our conversation she said that if she could do something for me I just need to let her know. So I asked her if she would go to my apartment to get me some fresh clothes, my mp4 player and a few books. I gave her my address and my keys. That's how she knows where I live. You have nothing to worry about. You Olivia Benson are the one and only woman in my life. The only one I love." Alex explains.

"As are you, Alexandra Cabot. The only one in my life and I love you too. I just was confused. And worried because I couldn't remember how long Casey was back. Not that I'm not glad that you two get along, I am. After I bit her head off like you said, we became friends slowly. She just made a big mistake by saying that she was your replacement. Nobody can replace you, Alex. Even now that Casey has proven she is a really good ADA, there is nobody like you. She said the wrong words at the wrong time. It was our first case after you left for Witsec. I felt like I lost you two times in less then a week time. We made it up with each other. And like I said we became friends. Lex, don't be mad or very disappointed and I am really sorry for not remembering how long we are together. Can you please tell me how long?" Olivia asks.

"Oh honey, I'm not mad or disappointed. We got together the night you were shot. And since you don't remember that, YET, you can't remember we got together that night. Don't worry about it. We talked about our feelings for each other and decided that we would go slow. Do it right. You asked me if I would be your girlfriend and that you would like to take me out on a date. We kissed. That's all that happened. Well and that and I said yes. Yes to be your girlfriend and to go on a date." Alex answers.

"We got together that same night. Wow. For the record. When I get out of here I still want to take out on that date, Counselor. Do you have a toothbrush here? I would like to kiss you, but I have a awful breath right now."

"Just for the record. I can't wait for you to get out of here and go on that date with you. As for that kiss, I have a toothbrush here. You may use it. But I really want to get Doctor Brown in here first. I like to ask her some questions about your memory loss. After she is gone I will really like that kiss. But I don't want to get interrupted when we kiss, Detective."

"You've got yourself a deal, Counselor. I don't want to get interrupted either when I kiss you. Since I can't remember kissing you, it will be my first kiss with you. And I most certainly will not be interrupted then."

"You are a romantic charmer, Olivia Benson. Now I go get my toothbrush and a glass of water for you. You can brush your teeth while I go get Doctor Brown."

"I'm hopelessly romantic and you love it, Alex Cabot. Now go get me that toothbrush. The sooner that Doctor is gone the sooner I can kiss you."

"That I do. Loving that you are hopelessly romantic." Alex replied.

Alex took her toothbrush and toothpaste out of the bag Casey brought for here took a glass and filled it wit water in the bathroom. She walked over to Olivia and handed her the toothbrush and toothpaste. She puts the glass with water on the night stand next to Olivia's bed. Alex gives Olivia a kiss on her for head and walks out the room to find Doctor Brown. In the mean Olivia brushes her teeth. Glad to get the taste of a death bird out of her mouth. Alex comes back with Doctor Brown a few minutes later.

"Now why did you want Ms. Novak and myself out of the room, Ms. Benson?" Doctor Brown asks.

"Please call me Olivia. If you don't want that, call me Detective. To answer you question I panicked. But Alex and I talked about it and I'm much better now." Olivia answers.

"Ok. What made you panic in the first place? I know you avoided my question about how long you work with the SVU. I know you let Ms. Novak enter because you would avoid answering questions." Doctor Brown says.

"Yes I did. Can't fool you can I Doctor?" Olivia answers.

"No. Not about these issues. Now answer the question, Detective."

"I panicked because of what Casey said about Amanda and going to Alex's apartment. I didn't know who Amanda was. And I thought Alex and Casey were closer then I thought they would be. I know you indirectly asked me what year it was and I didn't know that either. All together it was to much for me to handle at the time."

"That's understandable. You've had a serious head injury and you've been in a coma for nearly a week. Like I said it is normal for people with your kind of injuries to don't remember things. Like what happened the day you got shot in your case. Now you said you didn't know, does that mean you do know it know?"

Olivia looks at Alex before she answers the question. Alex nods at Olivia to encourage her.

"I know now who Amanda is. I also know why Casey was at Alex apartment and why I couldn't remember, or better didn't know that they know each other better now. I do now what year it is. I have some memory loss though. I can't remember anything for about 3 months. From the end of June until after I was shot. I remember I spoke with Alex just before I passed out. And I remember Alex and Amanda pushing on my gunshot wounds trying to stop the bleeding. And Munch, standing in the door opening."

"Well it's ok you don't remember the day when you got shot. Normally that will come to you. How ever because of your memory loss over 3 months, I will make a scan of your brains. To see if there is no damage. Just to make sure we don't miss anything. Depending on the results of the scan I will decide what treatment you need. Beside the therapy you need for recovering from your gunshot wounds." Doctor Brown explains.

Olivia looks at Alex, the fear clearly in her eyes. Alex knows by the look Olivia gives her that the Detective is afraid of the outcome of the scan and how this will effect her work as a Detective. She takes a seat in the chair next to Olivia's bed again. Alex takes Olivia's hand with her own.

"I know you are scared, Liv. You worry how this will effect your job, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. What if I can't do my job anymore? I don't know what to do then. It's my life."

"I know sweetheart, I know. But just let us take it one step at the time ok?"

"Ok. Thank you for understanding it, Lex."

"Of course I do. Now let me take care of you, please?" Alex asks.

"Ok. I trust you, Alex. Do what you think is the best." Olivia answers.

"Thank you, Liv. I means a lot to me." Alex says.

Alex turns to Doctor Brown to speak to the Doctor.

"Doctor Brown, I don't want to offend you, but I want someone else to take this over from you. I want the best damn specialists there are. Not of this hospital but of this country. If there is a specialist better in an other country I want them. I only want the best for Liv. I hope you can understand this. You still can be her Doctor if necessary. Again, I don't want to offend you. I simple want the best and whats the best for Liv." Alex says.

"Of course. You don't offend me Ms. Cabot. I understand it. Do you want me to search for the best specialists or do you want to do that yourself?" Doctor Brown asks.

"How much I want to do that myself, I think you are more then qualified to do that. So if you want to do that it's fine by me. How ever you make sure you only accept the best. Money is no problem. And I don't care what it cost. As long as Liv will get the best specialists and treatment available it's alright." Alex answers.

"Then I will search for the specialists needed, now. I suggest we wait with the scan until they are here. Every specialist will have their own test and scans and I think it's better to them all together then. It's more efficient."

"I'm in this room too guys. I'm not dumb or stupid!" Olivia snaps.

"I know you are still here. And I don't think you are dumb or stupid. I think you are very intelligent actually and very smart too. I'm not trying to keep you out of this, Liv." Alex answers.

"How about what I want? It's my head you know. My brains. And my damn loss of memory." Olivia asks irritated.

"What do you want, Olivia? Accept for leaving this hospital right now. Because that's not gonna happen, Detective." Alex says.

"Obviously, not today. But..." Olivia starts only to get interrupted by Alex.

"Or tomorrow! You will stay here as long as the Doctors will say you need to stay. Do I make myself clear, Olivia Benson?" Alex asks.

"Crystal, Counselor. That doesn't mean I have to agree with it, or do it, Alexandra Cabot." Olivia replies.

"Liv, do you want to get better and be back at work as soon as possible? If there is nothing to prevent that, that is." Alex asks.

"Of course I want that. And you know it, Alex." Olivia answers.

"Then stop being such an jerk and make it more difficult for yourself then you need to. I know you don't like it. I know you want to leave this hospital yesterday. But that's not possible. You need to let them do their job. The sooner you can get out here. I won't leave you here alone. We are in this together, Liv. We will fight this together. You don't have to do it all by yourself. Not anymore. You have me now." Alex answers.

"You are right, as usual. I'm sorry, Lex. I hate hospitals. I'm cranky and frustrated and I take it out on you. I shouldn't have done that. I used to be alone, do everything on my own. You need to have patient to let me get used to the fact that for the first time in my life I don't have to do it alone anymore. That I have you to lean on."

"I know that, Liv. And you get all the time you need for that. Now do you mind if we stop talking about this now? Doctor Brown has more to do then listen to our conversation."

"You call this a conversation?" Doctor Brown asks frowning her eyebrow.

"Yes." Alex and Olivia answers at the same time.

"What do think this was?" Olivia asks Doctor Brown.

" A discussion at least. A fight or an argument is more how it sounds to me." Doctor Brown answers.

Alex and Olivia look at each other and burst out in laughing. Olivia stops laughing almost right away and grasp her stomach.

"Don't make laugh Doctor, that kinda hurts right now." Olivia says.

Doctor Brown stares at Alex and Olivia like they have grown a second head. The three of them didn't noticed that Casey had entered the room again. She forgot her own keys in Alex's bag.

"Obviously you haven't heard or see their legendary fights, Doctor. They are right this was just conversation for their standards. Don't worry I only heard the last part. From the point Alex told Olivia she couldn't leave the hospital and asked her what she wants." Casey answers with a shit eating grin on her face.

"Missed me already, Counselor?" Olivia teases.

"Yes I did, but that's not why I'm back. Sorry Detective, I'm only back so soon because I forgot the keys to my office. I left them in the bag I brought here for your gal." Casey teases back.

"Is there anything you need to tell me, Counselor?" Olivia asks Alex raising her eyebrow.

"Well Casey and I have talked this afternoon. She told me that a lot of your conversations ended to be about me. She told me what she saw when I came back for the Connors trial. How hard it was for you when I needed to go in WPP. She was the one who said that I needed to have faith in you, that you would come back to me. I didn't say specifically that I'm yours. She just knew it." Alex answers.

Alex and Casey both see the pain in Olivia's eyes after Alex mentioned the Connors trial and going into WPP.

"It wasn't your fold, Liv. You saved my life. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be alive." Alex says softly.

"The hell it was. I failed you. I didn't do my damn job. I lost you there on that pavement, because of that. If I did my damn job you didn't need to go into WPP. I didn't protect you and I couldn't stop the bleeding. So don't say it wasn't my fold." Olivia answers.

"If I had listened to you, none of this would have happened. I should have back out when you asked me. But there is nothing we can do to change that. So stop blaming yourself. You saved my life twice now." Alex replies.

"I'm sorry to interrupt this conversation. I can see how important it is but I need to go. I have to make some phone calls and find the best specialists as soon as possible. So if you will excuse me, I will be back when I have found them." Doctor Brown says.

"Yes, of course Doctor. No need to excuse yourself." Alex answers.

"Thank you Ms. Cabot. See the both of you later. Detective." Doctor Brown says.

"Doctor." Olivia says.

With a nod to them all, Doctor Brown leaves Olivia's room and closes the door behind her. Casey looks at Olivia then at Alex and then back to Olivia.

"What specialists? What is she talking about?" Casey asks Olivia.

Olivia and Alex look at each other.

"Lex, will you say it please?" Olivia asks her softly.

Alex nods and gives Olivia a kiss on her for head. She then turns around and looks at Casey.

"Casey, there is something you need to know."

**A/N 2 Ok. Ok. I get it. You guys and gals are really gonna hate me know. I'm sorry for leaving you in the dark again. I know how frustrating it is when you are on the reading side of a story.**


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N I'm sorry that this is a short chapter. I'm kinda get wrapped up with my other story "I don't wanna lose you now.".**

**So I thought better a shorter chapter then no chapter at all.**

**This chapter has some sexual graphics at the end. Nothing major. But if you don't like it, don't read it.**

**R+R, without you, all my readers, I would have nothing to write for. **

Chapter 16

Casey looked from Alex to Olivia seeing the fear in the Detective's eyes.

"What's going on? What's wrong?" Casey asks.

" Liv has memory loss. Now it is normal to don't remember the activities during the day she was shot. But Liv doesn't remember anything for 3 months. From the first case we had when I came back from the Congo till right after she was shot. She just panicked when you talked about Amanda and getting my things from my apartment. That's why she wanted everyone out." Alex explains.

"Oh Liv. Oh. Wait, what exactly where you thinking, Olivia?" Casey asks.

Olivia looks at Alex who nods. She takes a deep breath and tells Casey what happened.

"I didn't remember who Amanda was. And here you were asking Alex if she should bring breakfast tomorrow morning. Then you told Alex that you already went to her apartment and got everything she asked for. I panicked. I didn't know who Amanda was and how she was related to Alex. And I wondered what I missed since you knew where Alex lives. That the two of you were closer then I thought you were. I didn't know what year it is. Now don't get me wrong. I didn't suspect Alex cheating on me. Because I knew and know she would never do that to me. But I couldn't even remember when we got together I just knew we were. I just couldn't hear it anymore. I didn't wanted to hear anymore, discover what else I didn't know. So I wanted you all out. To be alone, trying to remember anything. Of course our brilliant ADA here saw something was wrong and refused to leave. Made me talk to her and helped me with what it is that I do remember. She also told me about you visiting me this afternoon and how the two of you talked and you offered your help. That Alex asked you to go to her apartment to getter some thing for her and give you her address and keys. I now know that you've only been reassigned back to SVU since Alex was here with me in the hospital. I now know who Amanda is. And actually remember her for a bit. But I still don't know anything from some point in the first case after Alex came back and to the moment I was shot and remembering Alex and Amanda pushing on my gunshot wounds and Munch standing in doorway. I don't remember anything that happened that day before that moment." Olivia says.

"Oh Liv. I can't imagine what it must felt for you when you heard about people you couldn't remember and everything else. I'm so sorry for putting you trough that. I didn't know, if I had, I wouldn't have said it. I know how it is for not remembering what happened but I can't imagine how it is to not remember anything for 3 months. I want you to know that I'll be here for you. If there is anything I can do, ask me. I want to help with everything I can. What's with the specialists?" Casey asks.

"I want the best specialist for every needed part of examination possible. So that's what Doctor Brown is going to find out. The best specialists and the best treatments available." Alex answers.

"Wouldn't have aspect less from you, Cabot. Liv, I think you should know that Alex hasn't leave your room since the moment she got in here. Not once. She has been sitting in that chair from the moment she came in. If she wasn't sitting in that chair she was laying down on a cot next to you. I tell you this because I know she would never tell you this herself. Alex loves you Liv, more then anything else in this world. I'm glad you two finally figured it out. It w as obvious to everyone else around you, accept for the two of you. For being such a brilliant Detective and ADA you two are, you were so blind for what was right in front of your noses." Casey says.

Alex and Olivia both blushes at Casey's words.

"It was that obvious huh?" Olivia asks.

"Hell yeah. Everybody with eyes and a pulse could see it. By the way looked at each other or the way you defended each other. Do I have to remind you what happened to officer Peabody, Liv?" Casey teases.

"Uhm, no that won't be necessary, Case." Olivia answers.

"Who is officer Peabody? What happened with him?" Alex asks. Not having a clue what the Detective and ADA are talking about.

"Nothing. Not important." Olivia mumbles.

"Well since you want to wipe it under the doormat, I'll tell Alex what happened with officer Peabody." Casey smirks.

Alex is getting curious now. She has a feeling that Liv scared the hell out of him. For some reason connected to her.

"Care to enlighten me, Detective?" Alex asks with a shit eating grin on her face.

"Nope. I plead the fifth, Counselor." Olivia answers. Looking at ceiling like something is very interesting there.

"Counselor, how about you? Remember you are under oath." Alex jokes.

"Right. Yes your Honor, I know that I'm under oath. I don't want to disrespect this court, your Honor. But Detective Badass here, has threatened me with something, if I do tell." Casey answers with a Cheshire cat grin on her face.

"Well, I think we can do something about that Counselor. Detective Benson, did you threatened ADA Novak here?" Alex asks.

"Uhm, I plead the fifth your Honor." Olivia answers. She knows Alex is up to something.

"Answer the question, Detective Benson. Or I will personally see that you get a appropriate punishment." Alex answers.

"With all due respect your Honor, I'm already lying in a hospital bed. What else could you punish me with?" Olivia asks.

"You will find that out if you keep disrespecting this court, Detective. Now for the last time. Did you threatened ADA Novak?" Alex asks.

"That depends. What will my punishment be if I keep pleading the fifth?" Olivia asks.

"You brushed your teeth for nothing for the next week, Detective. Do I make myself clear, Detective Benson?" Alex grins.

"Yes your Honor. Perfectly." Olivia answers.

"Good. Did you or didn't you threatened ADA Novak, Detective?" Alex asks for the last time.

"Yes I did your Honor." Olivia answers.

"Do you intend to act on that threat, Detective?" Alex asks.

"No your Honor. I do not." Olivia answers.

"Well then, Ms. Novak, now that the threat against is is taken care of, do you want to tell the court what happened in the case People vs Detective Benson?" Alex asks.

"Whoa. Your Honor? On what counts?" Olivia asks.

"Ms. Novak?" Alex says.

"Well, actually it isn't a matter of the people vs Detective Benson, your Honor. I'd rather discus this with your Honor outside the courtroom. If that's alright with you of course, your Honor." Casey answers.

"Are the people withdrawing the case vs Detective Benson?" Alex asks.

"Yes we do, your Honor. The people have no evidence against the defendant." Casey says.

"Very well then. In the case, the people vs Detective Benson, this case is dismissed. You are free to go Detective. This court is adjourned." Alex says.

They three women look at each other and burst out in laughing.

"Where did that come from, Lex" Olivia asks grinning.

"I really don't know. I was joking and Casey answered with your Honor. I just kept going ,I think." Alex answers in between laughs.

"Oh come on, Alex. You really don't think we are gonna believe that, do you?" Casey asks.

"Well it is the truth. Anyway I still don't know what happened with officer Peabody." Alex says.

"That's right. Still not gonna kill me Liv?" Casey teases.

Alex looks at Olivia.

"That punishment still counts, Detective. Be careful with what you are saying." Alex smirks.

"Damn lawyers. It's not fair there are two of you and only one of me. Not even a whole one." Olivia whines.

"Suck it, detective. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you were getting friends with Casey and I. That you are my girlfriend now, doesn't change it." Alex says with a cat ate the canary grin.

"Oh I know something to suck on, Counselor. Two things actually. I just think it isn't appropriate to do that in public." Olivia says as she waggles her eyebrow.

Alex starts to blush from her collarbone all the way up to her hairline.

'Damn, she turned the table.' Alex thinks.

"Uhm... that... w w was... you... I... wasn't..." Alex stutters.

"Cat eat your tongue, Counselor? You can borrow mine if you like. Although I know a few things I can do with that too. Very pleasant things, I might say. On the same places where I could suck it. And some not..." Olivia teases.

Casey decides to put in her two cents. This is way to easy to let go this opportunity.

"It's suddenly a bit hot in here, doesn't it Counselor? Or should I say hot in you?" Casey smirks.

"Oh I know something I can do about that. I can go down... to turn of the heat. Huh huh I can do that. Go down I mean... There is a place down there were I can suck it too... But you can't borrow my tongue then, I need it there myself." Olivia smiles mischievous.

Alex is now lost with images of Olivia sucking and licking her nipples and then going down to her core sucking and licking her clit. She suddenly gets so wet that she feels that her panties are soaked. And it drips on her inner thighs. Her cerulean eyes now dark as the sea by midnight, dark form arousal.

"I.. uhm.. I'm gonna get something to eat now that Casey is here. I'll... I'll be right b b back." Alex stutters and walks out of Olivia's room.

Olivia and Casey high fives each other.

"Well that was fun." Casey says.

"Yeah it was. Thanks for helping me." Olivia says.

"Well that's what friends are for." Casey replies.

"I think someone needs a really really cold shower now. And I think that someone happens to be my girlfriend. What can I say... Payback is a bitch." Olivia smirks.

**A/N 2 I hope you liked this chapter. I was writing when some humor came in to my mind. I thought is was nice to tease Alex after she threatened Olivia with her not getting kissed. What can I say... Oh what Olivia said. Payback is a bitch...**


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Suddenly Olivia grabs her head and screamed out from pain.

"Olivia, what wrong? I go get the doctor." Casey says and stands up.

"No, you don't. You are gonna call Alex and tell her that she needs to get back here as soon as possible. If you are gonna get the doctor now, she will whisk me away before Alex is here and she would never forgive herself for leaving me to go away for a short time. Never mind the fact that she won't leave to do anything again. No go call Alex!" Olivia says.

Casey left the room to stand in the corridor and called Alex. Thankfully the blonde was on her way back and came running into Olivia's room after 2 minutes.

"Liv, what's wrong? Casey called me and told me to get back as soon as possible." Alex rushes out worried.

"Out of the blue my head is feeling like it's gonna explode." Olivia groans.

"I'm gonna call doctor Brown." Alex says and pushed on the button at remote at Olivia's bed.

Alex seated in the chair next to Olivia's bed again and takes her hand and intertwined their fingers. Alex has a feeling by the way Olivia looks at her that the brunette had trouble to see her clear.

"Liv, are you having trouble with your vision?" Alex asks.

"Yes, I do. I see kinda double. And my head is killing my." Olivia answers.

2 minutes later Doctor Brown enters the room.

"You pushed the button, Detective? What's wrong?" Doctor Brown asks.

Before Olivia can answer a wave of excruciating pain in her head hits Olivia again. She screams out in pain again. Grabbing her head. Alex is getting really worried now. She knows something is definitely wrong.

"I pushed the button. Olivia has suddenly the feeling like her head is gonna explode, waves of excruciating pain are hitting her. And her vision is not good. She sees double." Alex answers.

"Ok. I'm ordering a MRI scan right now. Detective Benson need a scan of her brains immediately. We have to wait on the scan, but right now I think her brains are swelling again if that is the matter we need to operate her and need to held her in an drug induced coma. At least until the neurosurgeon is here. I'm still looking for the specialist, I'll will give my head nurse the order to search for the neurosurgeon right now. And let her make sure he or she will be here as soon as possible." Doctor Brown says.

Olivia doesn't follow anything of what is going on around her. She is getting more waves of excruciating pain faster.

"Lex, call the Doctor. I can't take the pain anymore." Olivia says crying from the pain now.

Alex looks at the Doctor with anxiety and horror. She hates it that Olivia is in so much pain. And she know that it is really bad if Olivia doesn't know who else are in the room and what they talked about. That and the fact that she says she can't take the pain anymore.

"Ok that's it. I'm gonna sedate her right know. If you want to say something to her Ms. Cabot now is the time as soon as I injected her she will be out pretty fast. And I'm taking her to the scan and then to the OR immediately. Clearly Detective Benson doesn't know who is here and what we talked about. And I know she is a tough cop so her calling out she can't take it anymore is definitely not a good sign. I don't want to worry your more then necessary. But your are a smart woman so I don't hold back." Doctor Brown says. Pushing on the alarm button.

"I love you Liv, I will be here when you come back. I'll be waiting here for you." Alex says.

"I love you to Lex. Please make them stop the pain." Olivia says.

Alex leans into Olivia and kisses her briefly on her lips.

"The Doctor will give you something to sedate you Liv, you won't feel anything more in a minute. Don't leave me Detective, I can't live without you. I need you to fight. Do you understand me?" Alex asks.

"Yes, I understand you Alex. I don't wanna leave you. I just want this fucking pain in my head to stop. I love you, Lex. Don't forget that." Olivia says.

"I won't. Don't forget I love you too, Liv. Very much. Now the Doctor is here so you won't feel anything soon. Come back to me, Detective. I can't live without you yet." Alex says.

"I'll come back I promise." Olivia says.

Alex kisses Olivia quickly but intense on her lips. Then Doctor Brown injects the sedative in the Detective.

There are nurses running in the room.

"Get an OR ready. And we need a MRI scan of her brains now. I think they are swelling up." Doctor Browns says.

Nurses running out of the room to get an OR ready and to arrange an MRI scan.

Two nurses pull the brakes off of Olivia's bed and race her out of her room.

"I will do everything I can, Ms. Cabot. I assure you." Doctor Brown says to Alex before leaving the room in a hurry.

Within 3 minutes since Alex came back running to Olivia's room the Detective has left the room and is on her way to a MRI scan and the OR. Alex has problems processing what the hell happened so fast. Casey comes back into the room and Alex turns around to the redhead ADA, the fear clearly in her cerulean eyes.

"Casey, what the hell happened?" Alex asks.

"I don't have a clue. We were just having small talk and suddenly she screams and grabbed her head. I asked her what was wrong and told her that I was gonna get the Doctor. But she said I needed to call you and ask you to get back here as soon as possible. She didn't want me to call the Doctor before you were here. Then you came back here and well, the rest you know. Better then I do, since I wasn't in the room." Casey answers.

"All I know is that she was in a hell of a lot of pain. That and she saw double. I don't think I've ever seen her in so much pain. And it scares me. Olivia never asks for pain medication. She practically begged me to let it end. That she couldn't take it anymore. Now does that sounds like Liv to you?" Alex asks.

"No it most definitely doesn't sound like her. I am scared too. I know it is different because you're her girlfriend and I'm just a friend but still I'm scared. One moment we were talking the next she screams out and grabs her head. I wish I hadn't listen to her and called the Doctor instead of waiting. She insisted to call you and get you here first. I shouldn't have listen to her. I'm so sorry, Alex." Casey says.

"It's not your fault Casey, you did what Liv wanted you to do. There is no way you could have known what was wrong. She didn't even tell you what she felt. Don't blame yourself for this, I certainly do not. I would like it if you could stay with me here. I understand it if you have to go back. But I really could use your company. I'm afraid I lose my mind if I'm gonna be here alone. If you can't that's fine. But I really would like it." Alex says.

"No it's not a problem. Just let me make a phone call to my secretary. It only take a minute, then I will be back. I only have some paperwork to stash around. I call Serena, to take over the warrants if the guys should need them. I'll be right back." Casey says.

"I should call Cragen. To tell him what's going on. He can tell it to the guys." Alex says.

"That is a good idea. Since Liv isn't here right now, you can stay here to make your call. I just go outside and come back in when I'm done. I don't think you want to leave this room now." Casey replies.

"No, I want to be here for when Liv comes back here. Even if she is unconscious. I promised her I would be here and I don't have any intension to break my promise." Alex says.

Alex and Casey both made their calls. When Casey came back into Olivia's room Alex was still on the phone.

"I don't know how long it will take. A while I think. Depending on what the scan shows. …... Doctor Brown takes her to the OR after the scan. They don't wait for the neurosurgeon to be here. …... No that isn't necessary Casey will stay here with me. …... No if the guys need a warrant, Serena Southerlyn is taking care of that. ….. … Casey will be back tomorrow. …. … I appreciate it but visiting like it was won't be able for now. … …. Because they are gonna keep Liv in a drug induced coma at least until the neurosurgeon is here. …. …. Yes I let you know when the schedule is back in order. … … Thank you. I'll let you know if I know something or if there is a change. …. … Goodbye Don." Alex says and ends the call.

"Liz is coming over tomorrow somewhere during the day. She asked me to tell you not to worry about work right now. Your first priority is Olivia right now. You get as much time off as it takes." Casey says.

"To tell you the truth I haven't thought about work for one moment since I've been here. But it's good to now that I don't have to worry about that too." Alex answers.

"I know it is hard to believe right now but Olivia is gonna get trough this. She made a promise to you. And I've never seen Olivia Benson back off of a promise she made. She doesn't want to start with that now. The best Doctor will be here as soon as possible, they will do what ever it takes to get Liv better." Casey says.

"I'm not so sure about that. I have to keep hoping she will. I've never been so scared in my life. Not even when I was shot and needed to go in Witsec. Not even when that asshole Atkins was in our bedroom. Because I knew that somehow Liv would protect me. I knew Amanda was close to our safe house. Now I don't know anything. I don't know what's wrong with Liv, I don't know if she is gonna make it, I don't know if the Doctors are will be able to cure her. I can't control anything and I hate it. I don't like it not to have control. My faith is lying in the Doctors hands and there is nothing I can do about it. I know Liv's a fighter. But what if she can't fight this? I can't lose her now, Casey. I don't know what to do without her. It's not fair. After everything we've been to trough we finally found each other. Even with the threat that was there, we were happy. And for how long? A few hours. I felt so safe lying in her arms. For the first time since that horrible night I truly felt safe, because I was in the arms of the woman I love. The woman that will always keep me safe no matter what it takes. Now even that isn't given to us. I start asking myself if we ever will be just happy together." Alex says.

"I know it isn't fair. If anybody deserves to be happy it's the two of you. But there is one thing that has changed, one thing that is different now. And that is knowing you love each other. I admit it was to short. But now you and her have more to fight for then you ever had. And she will fight, harder then she ever have done. Because now she knows that you love her as much as she loves you. You remember she'd came back three times. She did what very few people were able to do. Maybe she was the first given her injuries. But she kept fighting. She kept coming back. Because of you. Because she knew you would be here. Just like she knows you will be here now when she comes back. That's all the reason Olivia Benson need. To know that a certain blonde ADA will be waiting here for her. She will come back. And I know they will find a way to get her as good as new. The road will be long perhaps, but she's not giving up as long as she has you, Alexandra Cabot. This hospital and the Doctors, nurses and everyone else are gonna find out how stubborn she can be and what kind of a fighter your Badass Detective is. By the time she leave this hospital they are gonna be relieved that they can hand her over to you. Because she's gonna fight and argue with them every chance she gets." Casey tells Alex.

"Tell me about it. If anyone knows how stubborn Detective Olivia Benson can be, it will be me. She's the only one that's able to actually win a fight with me. And we fought and argued a lot. But that's not something I need to tell you. I'm sure you had your share of fightings with Liv yourself." Alex says.

"Yes I have. And boy can she be stubborn if she has her mind set on something. I still need to meet the person that can change her mind if she's like that. Although I think I've met her. I think the only person that can change the mind of Olivia Benson besides herself is you. I knew that when I came back here because I forgot my keys. If it had been somebody else but you she wouldn't have agreed so soon. Hell she wouldn't have agreed at all. But I know that it is a good thing now, that she is so stubborn and a fighter, because that's what will bring her back to you Alex, that's what is gonna bring her back." Casey replies.

"Only time will tell us. Speaking of time, Liv's been out of here for quit some time now. I just hope that's a good thing now." Alex says softly.

"Doctor Brown will be here as soon as she can. But brain surgery always takes a lot of time. And a lot of patient from the people who are waiting. You don't seem to be someone with a lot of patient to me. And now, when it is about Liv, I'm surprised you didn't corner a nurse or other Doctor and demanded to know what's going on." Casey says.

"I did that when we came here when she was shot. It didn't helped me then and I doubt it will help me now. Although if it's gonna take much longer I don't think I'll be able to control myself and corner some nurse again." Alex answers.

"Why is it that it doesn't surprise me that you've already done that? And I know better then try to stop you the next time you gonna try it. I don't want a pissed off Alex Cabot against me, thank you very much. You are as worse as Liv is." Casey smirks.

" Hey, I'm not that bad." Alex says.

"Yes you are. And I heard that before. I believe a certain brown haired Detective said it before. That she wasn't that bad, I mean." Casey answers.

It was six hours after Doctor Brown left Olivia's room that she came back into the room.

"How is Liv doing, Doctor?" Alex asks.

"Your Detective is one hell of a fighter Ms. Cabot. We were able to bring the swelling down for a bit. But we had to open up her skull. We needed to give her brains some space. She must have had one hell of a headache when she woke up. I'm surprised to was able to take it as long as she did. So far the good news I'm afraid. She still is critical and not out of the woods by far. I won't give you false hope Ms. Cabot. I know she is a fighter. But right now I don't know if she's gonna make it trough the night. Her blood pressure is very high. We try to bring it down. But the longer it will be this high, the lower the chance she will be making it. We brought her over to the CCU, in a room similar to this one. I will take you there as soon as you are ready. But I have to warn you. She is on a lot more machines and wires then she was when she came to this room. We found a neurosurgeon. Her name is Professor Angie Cavanaugh. She will be here in about 6 hours. She is on a plane to New York as we speak. Now if you want it, I take you to Detective Benson. Ms. Novak, you can come with us if you want too and if it's alright with Ms. Cabot. How ever you can't go into the room." Doctor Brown explains.

Alex don't even try to keep it together after Doctor Brown was finished speaking. She throws herself in Casey's arms. The redhead was sitting next to Alex and holds the blonde and let her cry. She has trouble to keep it together herself. But Casey knows she has to be strong for Alex now. After a few minutes Alex managed to calm down a bit.

"Can you bring me to Liv now, Doctor Brown? Casey can come with us. I would like her to stay as close as she is allowed to be." Alex whispers.

"Yes of course. I will bring her to you right now. I'm sorry I don't have better news for you Ms. Cabot. Let's go to Detective Benson now." Doctor Brown says.

"I will get your stuff and Olivia's later Alex, don't worry about that." Casey says softly to the blonde attorney.

"Thank you, Casey." Alex says.

They left Olivia's old room and went down to the CCU. Alex and Casey followed Doctor Brown. When they were in front of Olivia's room Doctor Brown turned around to face Alex and Casey.

"I'm sorry Ms. Novak but you have to wait here. I will make sure the nurses will bring you a chair when I'm back here. Ms. Cabot I know it is hard and very difficult but I need to ask you to stay calm. It is necessary for you to stay calm in front of Detective Benson. For her sake. Now if you have the feeling you won't be able to stay calm, just walk outside her room. You can go back inside once you are calm enough. I just say this because I know it must be hard for you. Not to judge you. You can stay with Detective Benson for as long as you want. Ready to go, Ms. Cabot?" Doctor Brown asks.

"As ready as I can be." Alex answers.

"You can do this Alex, I will be right here if you need me. I won't go anywhere. Now go to see your gal." Casey encouraged Alex.

Doctor Brown opens the door and walks inside, Alex follows right behind her. Alex needs to bite her lip not gasp at the sight of Olivia. Olivia's head is wrapped up in a bandage. And there are wires all over her. There are more monitors and machines around Olivia then Alex has ever seen. She sees that Olivia's blood pressure and heart beat are extremely high. She takes a moment to collect herself and then walks to Olivia's bed and sits down in the chair next to her bed. She takes Olivia's hand carefully in her own.

"Hey Liv, I'm right next to in the chair. Just like I promised I would be. And I won't go anywhere. I'm staying with you here as long as it takes. Now I know the Doctors are doing what they can to bring down your blood pressure and heart rate, but I think you need to help them a bit. Right now it is to way to high to be safe. And you promised me something Detective. So what do you say Liv?" Alex talks to Olivia softly.

As soon as Alex started to talk to Olivia, Olivia's blood pressure went down and heart beat started to slow down. Doctor Brown was stunned with what she saw happening. Her jaw hit the floor. What ever they had tried nothing helped to get it low enough. Getting it lower at all. And standing there she saw a miracle happen. She knew right then that the brunette could hear Alex. As soon as the Detective heard the blonde's voice her pressure went down and her heart rate slowed down too. She wouldn't have believed it if she didn't see it with her own eyes. The longer Alex talks to Olivia the more Olivia's blood pressure went down and her heart beat slowed down. Both went down to a normal level. When Doctor Brown got her jaw from the floor she speaks to Alex.

"Ms. Cabot can I speak to you for just a moment outside?" Doctor Brown asks.

"Yes." Alex answers.

Alex turns back to Olivia.

"Liv, I need to go outside for just a moment, to talk with Doctor Brown. I will be right back, I promise. Don't go anywhere, Detective. I don't want to need to chase after you. You are faster then I am and in a better shape then I ever will be. So stay put." Alex says and kisses Olivia's forehead softly.

Doctor Brown shakes her head and smiles. Then she walks out of the room with Alex behind her. She closes the door behind Alex.

"Ms. Cabot, if I didn't see it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed what I saw happening. What ever we did to try to get Detective Benson's blood pressure and heart beat down, we couldn't get it down. As soon as you start talking to her it did went down. Down to a normal level. As soon as she heard your voice. This can't give us any guarantees. But I think the changes of getting trough the night and surviving this are getting higher with you at her side. She will be in the woods for a long time. But I do think that with your help we might be able to get her out of it. If we can bring the swelling of her brains down then I think she has a chance to survive. I don't want to give you false hope. But I really think that as long as you are at her side she will keep fighting. I've never seen somebody react so strong at somebody else's voice or react at all, like Detective Benson reacts to you. We need to wait for Professor Cavanaugh to know what the prospections will be. But it is a good thing for sure, the way she reacts to you. Now go back inside. I know you want to be with her. I just wanted to tell you this. Because a lot can change in a good manner. Again I wouldn't have believed what happened if I didn't see it for myself." Doctor Brown says.

"Thank you Doctor. Your words are just what I need to keep fighting for Liv. Have faith in her." Alex answers.

"Told ya that Liv is a fighter. And that she is fighting for you. Now you hear it from someone else. You are all she need, Alex." Casey says.

"Yes you did. Now if the two of you would excuse me, I need to go back to my girlfriend." Alex says.

"Don't let me hold you, girl. Not that I have the illusion I can." Casey answers.

And with that Alex walks back into Olivia's room and closes the door behind. Sitting back in the chair next to Olivia's bed and not having the intension to leave that spot in the near future.

"Ms. Novak, I really am stunned with what I saw happening in there. Again if anyone told me what happened, I would think they were out of their mind. Really the moment that Ms. Cabot started to speak to Detective Benson her vitals were getting better." Doctor Brown says to Casey, still stunned.

"That's the effect they have on each other. Nobody else is able to calm them down like they can do for each other. They simply don't listen if anyone else talks to them. Nobody else is able to change their minds if they are set on something. Accept for the two of them. Get used to it. Or you will be stunned and surprised ever time they inter act with each other." Casey replies dryly.

"Yes I'm getting aware of that. I saw it happen just a time or two this day. I start getting what you mean and meant earlier, when you say this. How long are they together if I may ask?" Doctor Brown asks.

"Well they are actually been together since the day Olivia has been shot. How ever they kept dancing around each other since the day the first met, about twelve years ago. A lot has happened to them and with them. They were best friends for a very long time. And as brilliant as they both are, they were equally blind to what was going on right in front of their noses. Everybody who knows them knew what was going on accept for the two of them. Don't tell them I told you this. They both will kill me if you do." Casey says.

"They are keep surprising me. I better get used to it I think. And your secret is safe with me, Ms. Novak. I don't want to be responsible for your dead. As I'm sure they will do it both if they know." Doctor Brown laughs.

"Oh that I can promise you. And please call me Cassey." Casey says, smiling at the Doctor.

"Ok, Casey it is then. Now if you will excuse me. I have to take care of things before Ms. Cabot bites my head of, if I don't get the best Doctors or Professors available. I think it is safe to assume she will if I don't get them as soon as possible." Doctor Brown answers.

"No excuses needed. I know she will do it. But let me ask you this. Do you really think Liv's chances are improved?" Casey asks.

"Yes I really think they are. Ms. Cabot was able to do in only seconds what we've been trying to do to for hours. So I think it's safe to say that Detective Benson's chances really do improve with Ms. Cabot being at her side." Doctor Brown replies.

"Ok. Thank you. Just wanted to know that. I'm sure I will be seeing you later Doctor. As for now I think you have more important things to do." Casey says.

"See you later then, Ms.. I mean Casey." Doctor Brown says.

"See you later, Doctor Brown." Casey answers.

In the mean time Alex was sitting next to Olivia.

"You just convinced yet an other person with what a fighter you are, Detective. Let yet an other person being stunned. I'm proud of you, Liv. You need to keep fighting and come back to me. You need to help them to get out of the woods. I love you so much, Liv. I need you back at my side. I want to see your beautiful brown eyes again. Hear your voice again. Together we can fight what ever it is that's making you so sick right now. Do you understand me?" Alex asks.

Alex knows Olivia can't talk back or react because of her drugged induces coma. But that don't stops her for asking it. She is stunned when Olivia squeezes her hand softly.

"Did you just squeezed my hand, Liv? Do you really hear me and understand me. If you do, squeeze my hand again, baby." Alex says.

A moment later Olivia squeezes Alex hand for the second time...

**A/N To be sure you all get the quality you deserve every chapter I had a decision to make. Writing two stories at the same time and update it frequently as in every couple of days, is nearly impossible for me. **

**So I made the decision to write for one story as much as I can and maybe update it more often and to update the other story once a week. That way I will be able to give both stories the attention they both deserve and give you all the quality you deserve every chapter.**

**From now on I will update this story once a week.**

**Both stories are equally important but I had to choose between them. **

**I hope you all can understand and respect my decision.**

**I will update a new chapter next Monday.**

**A/N 2 I'm not a doctor, everything medical in this story is the creation of my own mind. **

**Please keep R+R.**


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Alex is stunned, Olivia just squeezed her hand for the second time. Suddenly she isn't so sure that Olivia is in a drug induced coma like Doctor Brown said she would be. Clearly Olivia could hear her, that on it self wasn't rare, Alex knows that coma patients often can hear and tell afterwards what was said, but Olivia reacted twice and that was rare. She has an idea to find out herself if Olivia is more aware of her surroundings then the Doctor says she is.

"Liv, I go to get Casey in here for a moment. So I will be outside your room just for a minute or so. Just so you know that I'm gone. Is that ok?" Alex asks.

Olivia squeezes Alex again and then let her hand go. Alex stands up and walks quickly to the door. She opens it and steps outside closing the door behind her. Casey is surprised seeing Alex outside of Olivia's room. Olivia is awake and tries to open her eyes. But her eyelids are to heavy. She also notice that she can't speak because there is a tube in her mouth. She keeps trying but she can't open her eyes yet. She heard Alex leaving her room and decides to wait for the blonde to come back and try it again then.

"Alex, are you alright? Why are you here, I mean why did you left Olivia's side?" Casey asks.

"Casey, I don't think Liv is in a drug induced coma like Doctor Brown said she would be." Alex answers.

"Honey, I know you want Liv awake but I'm sure that if Doctor Brown says she is that she actually is in a drug induced coma." Casey answers.

"No Casey, I'm not see them flying. I'm telling you Liv is not as far away as the Doctor says she is. She responds on me, on what I say. She squeezed my hand 3 times. I talked to her, told her that she needs to keep fighting and I asked her if she understood me, knowing she couldn't answer me back, she squeezed my hand. I asked her if she could hear me, if she understood what I was saying and that if she does she squeezes my hand again. She did, Casey, she squeezed my hand again. Then I told her that I was going to get you in there for a moment and asked her if that was ok. She squeezed my hand again and let go of it. I'm telling you Casey, she isn't so far away. If you don't believe me come inside and see it your self." Alex says.

"Damn, Alex. Are you sure she can hear and understand what you say?" Casey asks stunned.

"There is only one way to find that out. Come on, go inside with me." Alex answers.

"Ok. If you're sure then let's find out." Casey answers.

The two ADA's walk back inside, Alex takes a seat in her chair and Casey stands beside her. Alex takes Olivia's hand back in her hand and start talking again to the brunette.

"Hey Liv, I'm back. Casey is here too, she is standing next to me. Now it's not that I don't think you can here me and react because I do. I only want to be sure so that's why I asked Casey to come inside. To know it for sure. Is that ok? Squeeze my hand once if that's alright and squeeze it twice if it isn't." Alex says.

Alex and Casey look both to the hand that Alex is holding. Olivia squeezes Alex's hand once.

"You see this Casey, I told you she could hear and understand me." Alex says.

"Yes saw it. Go on. Find out if she can hear me too." Casey answers.

"Liv, Casey and I will say or ask things in turns. Squeeze my hand once if I'm talking and twice if Casey is talking. Do you understand this? Squeeze if you do understand and don't squeeze if you don't understand it." Alex says.

Olivia squeezes Alex's hand. Alex looks at Casey questioningly. Casey nods to Alex letting the blonde know that she understands what Alex is trying.

"Liv, who is talking to you now? Squeeze once for Alex, squeeze twice for Casey." Alex says.

Olivia squeezes Alex's hand once. Alex nods to Casey.

"Liv, can you hear who I am?" Casey asks.

Olivia squeezes Alex's hand twice. Alex and Casey looks at each other stunned with what happened.

"Liv, I'm gonna make this a little bit more difficult. I'm releasing your hand. One of us picking up your and talks to you. If you know who it is you squeezes once for me and twice for Casey. Ok?" Alex asks.

Olivia squeeze Alex's hand and then let it go. This doesn't goes by unnoticed to Alex and Casey. Alex motions to Casey that she should take Olivia's hand. Casey takes Olivia's hand in her own.

"Liv, I'm already so proud of you. I just want you to know that. Do you know who is holding your hand now?" Casey asks.

Olivia squeezes Casey's hand twice. Alex and Casey both gasps and Casey let go Olivia's hand. Alex has a feeling that Olivia is as consciousness as she can be. That somehow she fought herself out of the coma. She looks at Casey and then whispers in her ear.

"Casey, I think Liv is awake, somehow." Alex says, picking up Olivia's hand again.

"Liv, are you awake somehow? If you are, can you open up your eyes for me honey. I really want to see you eyes if you can." Alex says.

Olivia's eyelids still are feeling heavy but she is determined to open her eyes. After 2 minutes she is finally able to open up her eyes, and looks into shocked stormy blue ones. Alex is overwhelmed with emotions and starts crying. She looks at Olivia with watery eyes.

"Oh Liv, I was so scared. You were in so much unbearable pain. I was so afraid to lose you. I'm so happy you came back to me." Alex sobs.

Olivia squeezes Alex's hand softly. Alex suddenly realizes that Casey still is in the room with them. She turn around to face Casey.

"Casey can you get Doctor Brown? I'm sure that now that Liv is awake she wants that tube out so she can talk." Alex asks.

"Yes, of course. I'll go right away. I'm happy that you are awake Liv. You really scared us." Casey answers.

Olivia nods at Casey. Casey pets Olivia's leg and then turns around to go and find Doctor Brown. She walks to the reception desk of the nursery station.

"Can you page Doctor Brown for me, please? It's about Detective Benson." Casey asks the nurse.

"Yes, I can. One moment please." The nurse says and picks up the phone and dials a number.

"Doctor Brown, it's Nancy. I have somebody standing here that wants to see you. It's about Detective Benson."

The nurse waits a moment for the response of Doctor Brown. She turns to Casey.

"Excuse me, the Doctor wants to know who is asking for her."

"Tell her that Casey Novak needs to her to come here." Casey answers.

The nurse speaks into the phone again.

"Doctor Brown? She says to tell you that Casey Novak needs you to come here... Yes, Doctor I will tell her. Thank you." The nurse ends the call.

"Doctor Brown is on her way. She should be here in a minute." The nurse says.

"Thank you." Casey answers.

Doctor Brown is at the nurse station in a minute and walks to Casey, who stood waiting a few feet away from the reception desk.

"Casey, you wanted to see me?" Doctor Brown asks Casey raising a eyebrow.

"Yes, Doctor. Who took care of getting Olivia in a drug induced coma?" Casey asks.

"The surgeon who assisted me with the operation. Why?" Doctor Brown answers.

"And you are sure he did it correctly?" Casey asks.

"Yes, why is there something wrong with Detective Benson?"

"Well I wouldn't say wrong exactly, although I'm not sure about that."

"What do you mean with wrong exactly and why are you not sure? What's going on,Casey?"

"Well, the surgeon didn't do it correctly or Olivia is some kind of miracle patient because she is awake. Wide awake I would say. As in with open eyes and communicating with hand squeezes. So you tell me if that's wrong or not."

"You're kidding right? There is no way that Detective Benson could be awake, let alone with her eyes open and talking, even though it is with hand squeezing." Doctor Brown says shocked and stunned.

"No, Doctor. I'm not kidding. Go and see it for yourself if you don't believe me. But Olivia is awake as a person can be." Casey answers.

"I believe you. What did you say again about Detective Benson and her surprising me? Because she sure does surprise me. Let's go to Detective Benson." Doctor Brown says.

They walk back to Olivia's room and Casey walks inside followed by Doctor Brown. When Casey steps aside Doctor Brown looks at Olivia. Shocked to see two clear brown eyes looking back at her. She looks at Alex and then at Casey.

"I told you she is awake as a person can be." Casey says smugly.

"Yes you did. And I still don't understand how this is possible. Detective Benson, you sure know how to scare your girlfriend and friend, being awake like this. And you sure are one hell of a surprise to me. Are you feeling alright?" Doctor Brown asks shocked.

Olivia shakes yes with her head.

"Do you have pain that isn't normal after a brain surgery?"

Olivia shakes no.

"You're not being a tough cop right now and being in a lot of pain like you were earlier?"

Again Olivia shakes no. Olivia squeezes Alex's hand and looks down to the tube. Alex gets what Olivia is trying to tell her. She turns her head and looks at Doctor Brown.

"Liv wants the breathing tube out. Can you do that?" Alex asks.

"Seeing that she is awake clearly and her vitals are good, I don't see a reason why I shouldn't take it out. So if you two would leave the room for a moment, I'll get the tube out." Doctor Brown says.

Olivia shakes hardly no with her head and squeezes Alex's hand.

"You want me to stay with you, Liv?" Alex asks.

Olivia shakes yes.

"Ok. I stay here. I won't leave your side." Alex answers.

Olivia squeezes her hand as a thank you.

"Ms. Cabot, I recommend that you leave the room for a moment. It's not a pretty sight to see a tube being removed." Doctor Brown says.

"No. I stay here with Liv. She wants me to stay, so I'll stay. I won't leave her side." Alex says with her courtroom voice.

Doctor Brown needs to suppress a shiver hearing the tone in Alex's voice.

'Damn, I'm glad I'm not against her in the courtroom. She's not a woman to piss off.' Doctor Brown thinks.

"Ok. You can stay. Casey, can you leave? I will call you back inside as soon as I'm done." Doctor Brown asks.

Casey nods and walks out the room closing the door behind her. Doctor Brown pulls the curtain around Olivia's bed. There is nobody able to see what's going on her room now. Doctor Brown walks to Olivia's bed and stands beside her. Alex is sitting in the chair on the other side of the bed holding Olivia's hand.

"Are you ready Detective?" Doctor Brown asks.

Olivia nods. Yes she is ready she can't wait till the damn thing is gone.

"Ok. I'll explain to you what I'm gonna do first before I do it ok?"

Olivia nods again.

"I will get the machine of the tube fist. After that when I count to 3 I want you to hold your breath and I will pull the tube out of your mouth slowly. This may hurt a little bit and you can have the feeling that you are getting suffocated but that isn't gonna happen. When the tube is out it's a good possibility that you will start coughing but that is normal. Try to get your breath back, there is nothing to panic about. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Doctor Brown asks.

Olivia nods. She squeezes Alex's hand a bit tighter. Doctor Brown unlinks the machine first. She looks at Olivia.

"Ok I'm gonna count to 3 and the I want you to take a deep breath, I will pull the tube out after you took the deep breath. Ok?"

Olivia nods. Doctor Brown counts to 3 and Olivia takes a deep breath. Doctor Brown slowly pulls the tube out Olivia. Olivia feels her gag reflex kicks in but she stays calm and get it under control. When the tube is out of her mouth she coughed a bit but that went over real soon. She tries to control her breathing by taking small amounts of air. It takes less then a minute before Olivia can breath normally.

"Would you like to have some water? I think your throat is a bit dry now. Swallowing can hurt a bit for a day because your throat is irritated from the tube." Doctor Brown explains.

"Yes, please. I like to have some water." Olivia says hoarsely.

"Ok. I will be right back Detective. Would you like me to send in Casey?" Doctor Brown asks.

"Yes, please." Olivia answers.

She tries to swallow but finds out that is a bit painful. She'll wait for the water to calm down her throat.

"Ok. I will send her in then." Doctor Brown answers and turns around and walks out the room.

"Come here." Olivia says to Alex.

Alex leans in a bit. Her face is now only a few inches from Olivia's. Olivia leans in and gently kisses Alex on her lips. When their lips connect they both feel the electricity coursing through their body. It was a quick kiss but that doesn't mean they both felt like they were on fire. Olivia pulls back and let her forehead lean against Alex's.

"Wow... That was amazing." Olivia whispers hoarsely.

"Yes it was. It was more then amazing. How brief it was, I never been kissed like this in my entire life. It never felt like this." Alex answers softly.

Olivia turns her head a bit and captured Alex lips again. This time a bit more demanding, but still gentle. Alex moans softly. Olivia takes Alex bottom lip between her lips and rang her tongue over it. Asking permission from Alex to deepen their kiss. Alex slowly opens her mouth. Just when Olivia wants to deepen their kiss Casey opens the door and walks inside.

"Oh, get a room you two." Casey jokes.

Alex and Olivia let go of each other and Alex sits back in her chair with her hands in her lap. The blonde starts blushing form her collarbone till the hairline on her head. Olivia just smiles at the blonde's reaction.

"We are in a room. Didn't your mother teach you to knock before you walk into a room, Novak?" Olivia counters.

"Well yes she did. But I think she didn't think about the possibility of my friends kissing in a hospital room at the CCU just after a breathing tube has been removed." Casey smirks back.

"Well what can I say, she is irresistible. So cuff me to the bed if you don't like it. Is somebody being jealous, Novak?" Olivia answers back with a Cheshire cat grin on her face.

"What would you do if I said that I was jealous, huh Detective?" Casey asks with a smirk.

"That depends on who you are jealous of." Olivia says.

"And that is something you would like to know, don't ya? And I don't think it would be fair to cuff you. I know you don't like that."

Olivia blinks with here eyes for a moment. Without knowing Casey hit a nerve and Olivia thinks back at Sealview. Casey sees the flash of hurt that passes over the Detective's face and realizes the mistake she made. But Alex didn't see it. She was looking at Casey.

"Of course I want to know that. Along with some other things. I need to know if I'm gonna kick your ass or not, don't I, Counselor?" Olivia says looking meaningful in Casey's eyes.

"Excuse me for interrupting your little private conversation here, but is there something I should now about?" Alex asks. Raising one perfect sculpted eyebrow.

Olivia looks at Alex and then to Casey.

"Is there something Ms. Cabot here should know about, Counselor? Not that I can recall." Olivia says.

Casey turns to face Olivia. Emerald green eyes meet brown ones. Casey understands by the way Olivia looks at her what the brunette means, Alex doesn't know about Sealview and Olivia doesn't want her to know it.

Alex looks from Casey to Olivia and back. She may be blond but she isn't stupid. She knows that there is something. And she starts wondering what it is that Olivia don't want her to know. Did something happened between them when she was out of Olivia's room to get something to eat? She has a feeling that something isn't right. Casey and Olivia don't see the strange look on the blonde's face.

"Nope, nothing I can think of either." Casey answers looking at Olivia.

"So counselor, who are you jealous of?" Olivia asks trying to cover up what happened a few seconds ago.

"Alex of course. She has a Badass Detective as her girlfriend to protect her." Casey says waggling with her eyebrow.

"Oh you have nothing to worry about, I will protect you too if necessary. You know that." Olivia answers.

"Don't think that I don't know what the two of you are trying to do. I may be blonde but I'm certainly not stupid." Alex says.

"I never said or thought you are. In fact the opposite. I think you are incredibly intelligent." Olivia answers.

"Don't play dumb, Detective. It doesn't suit you. Now I asks you two again. Is there something I should now about?" Alex asks sternly.

"No there is nothing you should know about that you don't know already." Olivia says.

All three the women are silent for a second.

"For a Detective you are a pretty lousy liar. I know there is something that you two don't tell me. What is it?" Alex asks.

The question hangs in the air. All three the women tenses up. Although Alex for an other reason then Casey and Olivia. Casey doesn't want the wrath of Alex at her but she doesn't want to break Olivia's thrust and confidence in her. So she decides to keep her mouth shut. Olivia doesn't want to tell it. But doesn't know what to say. So she keeps quiet too. Just when Alex wants to ask THE question, Doctor Brown comes back in the room. Oblivious to the tension between the three women.

"Sorry it took so long. I wanted to check it with the surgeon that assisted me with the operation, to be sure he didn't make a mistake. But he said he followed procedure. So you are really a miracle Detective Benson." Doctor Brown says while handing over the cup with water to Olivia.

"Thank you Doctor." Olivia answers and quickly takes a sip of the water.

"So there is no explanation for what happened? Why I woke up?" Olivia asks.

"No. Nothing I can think of. Maybe Professor Cavanaugh knows or can find an explanation." Doctor Browns answers.

"So what's gonna happen with my head now? I don't have that horrible headache anymore so are you gonna close that gap in my head now? Because my brains are trying to sneak out, and I don't want to get stupid." Olivia says sarcastically.

"I let that decision to make over to Professor Cavanaugh. And I sincerely doubt that your brains are trying to sneak out, Detective." Doctor Brown smiles.

"Ok. Do I have to stay here or can I go back to my own room?" Olivia asks.

"No you don't have to stay here. I'll make the arrangement to transfer you back to your own room." Doctor Brown answers.

"Good." Olivia says.

"If you don't have anymore questions for now, I'm going to make the arrangement." Doctor Brown says.

"No questions for now. Just wanna go back to my room." Olivia answers.

"Ok. I will check up on you later then, Detective." Doctor Brown says.

"That's ok. Thank you Doctor."

"Nothing to thank me for. Ladies." Doctor Brown says. She nods to Alex and Casey and leaves the room.

"Well I don't care what the reason is that I woke up. I'm just glad that I did." Olivia says.

"I'm glad too. I was really worried when you screamed out of pain and grabbed your head. I'm still sorry that I didn't call the Doctor right away and called Alex first. You could have died, Liv. And it would be my fault." Casey says.

"No it wouldn't be your fault, Casey Novak. You couldn't have known what was wrong. And I didn't tell you what I was feeling. You did what you had to do and that was calling Alex. So don't blame yourself for what happened." Olivia says.

"Are you sure?" Casey asks.

"Yes, I'm sure. You don't need to blame yourself. I don't blame you." Olivia answers.

Alex hasn't say a thing since Doctor Brown came in. Olivia and Casey looks at Alex, both see that there is something bothering the blonde ADA.

"Lex, aren't you happy that I'm awake? You didn't say a word since Doctor Brown came here. Is there something wrong? Is something bothering you?" Olivia asks.

"Of course I'm happy that you woke up. Why would you doubt that?" Alex answers.

"Because you didn't say anything while Doctor Brown was here or after that. Normally you would fire 1000 questions at here. And wouldn't take no for answer until you knew what you wanted to know. That's why I think something is wrong. Or that something is bothering you. So what it is? What's wrong, honey?" Olivia asks.

Alex looks at Olivia and Casey. She takes a deep breath and then asks what for some reason she thinks is wrong. Even though she knows deep down inside that it's not true .

"Are you two cheating on me?"

**A/N Next update will be next Monday if everything goes as planned. I would like to thank you all for understanding the decision I made. **

**Please keep R+R. **


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N I like to warn you all for the violence and assault that is written in this chapter. In this chapter will be explained at some point what happened to Olivia in Sealview. Season 9 epi 15 "undercover". I know it can be hard and difficult for some of you. That's why I report it before the start of this chapter. **

**Back to the story... how will Olivia react, what will she do? To find that out you have to read this chapter...**

Chapter 19

_Are you two cheating on me?_

Casey and Olivia look at Alex like she suddenly has grown a second head. Both stunned by the blonde's question. Casey is the first one able to respond and she sees Olivia's eyes changing from stunned to hurt and anger.

'Oh shit, this about to blow up.' Casey things before she answers Alex quickly.

"What? How could you even think that? Alex..." Casey starts answering only to be interrupted by Olivia.

"Get out!" Olivia whispers to Alex.

Alex looks confused at Olivia. She missed the look of hurt and anger in her girlfriends eyes. Now there is only anger in them.

"What?Why? Liv?" Alex asks. Not knowing what has gotten into her girlfriend.

"I said, get out! How could you even think for one moment that I would betray you. Now get out! Before I let them call security. We are DONE. Now get the hell out of my room!" Olivia almost yells.

"Liv, I don't get it. What's wrong?" Alex asks panicked.

" Don't you Liv, me. You just lost the right to call me that. If you don't even know what's wrong with asking that, you need to think about what you just did. Either way, we are done. Now get out! Casey, get her out of my room, now please. And leave me alone after that." Olivia says.

Closing her eyes and turns her head away from two stunned ADA's.

"Liv, what are you doing? Do you really want to do this? Think about it, please." Casey asks almost begs.

"Do want to come back in this room, some time, later?" Olivia asks, not turning around.

"Yes, of course." Casey answers.

"Then get her out of here. Tell her what ever you think she should or need to know. And I let them call you if you can come back inside. Now go." Olivia answers.

Casey sighs and gets up. Looking at Alex and nodding to the door.

"Come on, Cabot. I walk you out. I'm sorry. But I know Liv will let them call security if we don't leave her alone now. Don't make this any worse then it already is." Casey says softly to Alex.

Alex looks like she's gonna break down any moment now. She doesn't understand what the hell just happened. What the hell went wrong, that Olivia wants her out of her room. And by the look the Detective had, out of her life. She knows she made a mistake by asking that. But she didn't aspect it would blow up in her face like this.

"I love you, Olivia Benson. I will always love you." Alex whispers before she gets up and silently leaves the room.

Casey had put her arm around Alex and guides her out of the room. Closing the door behind her. They make it to the bench a few feet away from the elevator before Alex breaks down. Casey pulls Alex in and holds the broken blonde attorney in her arms, just letting her cry. After a few minutes the heartbreaking crying stops and Alex just sobs.

"I just made the biggest mistake of my life. How am I gonna fix this, Casey?" Alex asks.

"I don't know. And truthfully I don't know if you can. Alex, we need to talk, now. Not here of course, let's go to the park." Casey answers carefully.

"What do you mean, you don't know if I can?"Alex asks worried.

Casey walks with Alex to the elevator and goes inside pushing on the button for the main floor. She turns to Alex.

"Because Liv said that I tell you everything that you should or need to know, that I think you need to know. That means she's giving me permission to tell you something that she didn't want you to know. That's why we need to talk. But like I said, we can't do that here. That why I said let's go to the park." Casey explains.

"Ok. Let's go to the park then." Alex answers.

Alex and Casey walked the few minutes it takes to park. Once the get there they walk into it and sit down on a bench.

"Alex, what do you know about Olivia's past? Do you know why she joined SVU?" Casey asks.

"I know why she joined SVU. I know her mother was raped when she was in college and that Liv is the product of that rape. I know that her mother became an alcoholic and that she had a bad childhood. Her mother died when she felt down the stairs of the subway, drunk. She wants justice for victims like her mother and give them and children the help she never got. That's why she joined SVU." Alex answers.

"Ok. That's good. That you know it I mean. Not what happened of course. Do you know anything of the cases when I was with SVU when you were in Witsec?" Casey asks.

"Some of them. She told me about a few. Why?" Alex asks.

"Do you know the case about a girl that was raped and her mother being raped by a CO at Sealview?" Casey asks.

"Yes. Liv told me that CO also raped inmates at Sealview. That she went undercover with Fin and that the got the asshole. Why?" Alex answers

"Is that all that she told you?" Casey asks.

"Yes. Was there more then?" Alex asks. Getting the feeling that Olivia didn't tell her everything about that specific case.

"Damn it. Yes Alex, there is more. And that is what we were 'talking' about. I said something that I shouldn't have said. It remembered her about it. She didn't want you to know it because she thinks that you will think she is or was weak. And that is what she meant with tell you what ever I think you should or need to know. So I'm gonna tell you what happened but I warn you. You're gonna feel like shit more then you already do about your moment of insanity by asking if Olivia and I were cheating on you. Because she let me tell you, that means that you hurt so much that she doesn't want a relationship with you anymore. Otherwise she wouldn't allow me to tell you about it. I'm sorry Alex, but right now if Olivia won't change her mind, your relationship with her is really over."

"Oh my God, what did I do? What the hell happened with that case that it is so worse she doesn't want me to know about it earlier? And that now it's ok?" Alex asks softly almost whispers.

"It's not what happened with the case but what happened to her, Alex. There is a reason why she hates it to being cuffed. And I shouldn't have said in there that I know she doesn't like it. I torpedoed your relationship with saying that, I think. Because you asked if there was something you needed to know. I knew Olivia wouldn't want you to know it. So I said no. But you kept asking. Knowing that there was something. But I couldn't betray her trust. So that's why I kept silent. And she didn't know what to say, so she kept silent. That's why you asked that question. Which blew up in your face. I think to know you that well that you never actually believed what you were asking. But Olivia was already hurt by the memory I cost. And then you actually indirectly told her that you didn't trust her. You and I both know that's the worst thing you can say to Liv. I'm so sorry Alex. I really am. I certainly didn't want this to happen." Casey apologizes.

"Casey, what happened is not your fault. I never should have asked that. I know Liv would never cheat on me. And you would never do that to me. I screwed it up myself. Not you. So what happened to Liv? How bad was it? Tell me, please." Alex asks.

"They couldn't find out who the CO was. So they decided to go undercover. Liv went undercover as an inmate and Fin as an CO. But things went wrong. They already picked on her when things went down. There was an outbreak of TB. And everybody got tested. There was a break down. At first Harris wasn't in the same area but when things got heated he showed up and asked an other guard who cost it. He told him that it was Liv. She was cuffed. He told the guard he would take her to the hole. But he didn't instead he took her to the basement. When they got there Liv saw the mattress and she knew what was going to happen, she screamed for help but nobody heard her. He threw her on the mattress and took his baton and beat her with it. He beat the crap out of her but she fought back and somehow got out of his grip. She run to the other side of the basement and hided there but he found her. He hit her again and he cuffed her to the door of the basement. That's when he sexually assaulted her. Liv begged him not to do it and kept screaming for help. There was nothing she could do she was trapped. She still blames herself for going down with him, that she didn't fought him when they walked the wrong direction for the hole." Casey finishes.

Alex is crying her eyes out in Casey's arms. Horrified with what Casey just told her. Feeling so sorry for what happened to Liv. There is one thing she doesn't know. She doesn't know if the bastard raped her, if she became a victim exactly like her mother.

"Casey, was she... did he..?" Alex tries but she couldn't say it.

Casey knows what she is trying to ask.

"No, he didn't. But he would have if Fin didn't show up the moment he did. He had his pants open and took 'it' out. Told her he would kill her if she bite him. Thank God, Fin came down right in time. He would have raped her if he was 5 minutes later. Nobody except Fin and I know about it. She never told anyone else. Let Fin swear he never would say a thing and never let anyone read the file. Not even Elliot or Cragen. Fin, now you and I are the only that knows. Fighting back is what saved her life. But she doesn't she it that way. She convinced herself that she was weak. That she was a cop, that she could have stopped him, should have. She thinks of it as she was a weak stupid cop. Not the strong and brave Detective she was. That's why she didn't want you to know it. Because she thinks that now you know it you think she was weak too. And she doesn't know how to face you again if you knew. I think the only reason she told me was because I was assaulted in my office and she saved me and stood by me in the hospital. If that never happened I don't think she would ever have told me. She did everything she could to stop him, she fought back and kept him from raping her until Fin came and saved her. But like I said, she doesn't see or feel it that way." Casey says.

"I wished Liv wasn't so hard to herself. I would never see her as weak. She is the strongest woman I've ever met. And knowing she went trough this is killing me. I don't want anyone to have to go trough this. So do you, that's why we are so devoted. We want justice. But Liv going trough this is extra hard. She gets trough everything life is throwing at her. I just want her to be happy. Not needing to fight for so much. And now I only made it worse for her. And I don't now how to make it up. I need her in my life. She's my better half. She completes me. She protects me when I'm in danger and holds me when I'm scared. She makes me happy and she makes me laugh. And I love her more then life itself. More then anyone else. Somehow I need to let her see how much she loves me too. If I want a chance to make it up. I need her to see how much we mean to each other." Alex says.

"I know. But that is easier said then done, Alex." Casey answers.

Alex is thinking for a few minutes when something came up in her mind.

"Casey, I think I now a way. But I need to ask you to do two favors for me. Will you help me, please?" Alex asks.

"Yes of course. What do you need me to do?" Casey asks.

"Liv told me she has Cragen taking a recording from her for me. She had it made in case she wouldn't survive the bomb in her apartment. She told me that she that she said in that video that she love me. I need you to call Cragen. Ask him if he can send that video to your phone. Then I need you to record a video from me for Liv. And show them both to Liv. Can you do that?" Alex asks.

"Yes. I will call Cragen right now. Maybe your idea will work." Casey answers.

"I hope so. But right now I think it the best chance I have." Alex says.

"I think it is too. If I can make her watch her own video and then yours, you might have a chance. But your video has to be as good as your closing statements. If you can make it that good I think maybe you can save your relationship. I'll gonna call Cragen now. You think about what you are gonna say in that video." Casey says.

"Ok. But try not to release to many details if that's possible." Alex answers.

"You've got it." Casey says, walking away to the next bench 50 feet away.

Casey pulls out her cellphone and speed dials Cragen.

"Cragen."

"Don, it's Casey." Casey says.

"Hello Counselor, what can I do for you? How is Olivia doing?"

"Physically she is doing ok. Mentally not. She is being her usual self and surprised and freaked out the Doctor and nurses by waking up. She is awake and clear. She is of the monitors and only has the IV left. They will transfer her back to her own room. How important this news is, it's not the reason I'm calling. I need your help. Olivia and I were joking and I made a wrong comment. I realized it. And Liv and I made a silent agreement not to tell Alex about it. It was obvious that Alex didn't know about it. Now I'm not going into details, not of the conversation and not of the issue. But Alex being an excellent observer noticed that there was something. Olivia told her that it was nothing she need to know and I wisely kept my mouth shut. Alex how ever made a huge mistake in a moment of let's say insanity. Which let to the current situation. Long story short, Liv threw Alex out of her room. Here is why I need your help. Olivia told Alex she had a video made that you recorded. In case she didn't survive the bomb. I need you to send that video to my cellphone. Could you do that for me? Well for Alex and Liv actually. But that's clear for you, I assume." Casey explains.

"Well that is good news. That she is awake I mean. One question. Shouldn't she be in a drug induced coma?" Cragen asks.

"Yes that's correct. She should be, how ever somehow Liv managed to get out of it. They don't know how yet. Her Doctor wants to wait for the Professor. Let her find it out." Casey answers.

"That sounds like Olivia. As for the situation you call about. How bad is it. Did Alex screwed it up?" Cragen asks.

"Without going in details, very bad. And she screwed it up big time. But you have to keep this to yourself. I don't want Liv to know that you know about this. And I also don't want you to give Alex the riot speech about this. It was my fault she got in this situation in the first place. Ok?" Casey says.

"Yes. Fine. I won't talk about it with anyone. And I won't lecture Alex. But if this is your fault you better make it right. Those two belong to each other. All of our lives will be hell if you don't fix this." Cragen answers.

"That's what I'm gonna try to do. And therefore I need that video. The plan is to let Liv watch her own video to Alex and after that to let her watch a video Alex will make. Hoping that will change Liv's mind, remembering her about the love she has for Alex. I'm gonna do everything I can to fix this. I told Alex she need to make a video as good as her closing statements. That should help her." Casey says.

"I hope you are right and it will work. I send you that video right now. Although I don't think you should let Alex watch it. Or maybe you should. She need the best closing statement she ever made or will make. Don't watch it yourself. Olivia will kill both of us if she finds out you watched it. And you know she will know if we are lying about it. That woman is better then Alexandra Cabot on her game to know when somebody is lying." Cragen says.

Casey snickers at his last comment.

"That she is. I don't know how she does it. Even Huang said she was better then anyone he ever met. And he has an education for it. Thank you for doing this. I really appreciate this." Casey answers.

"Yeah well it's about time those two get and stay together. They've be dancing around each other and driving us crazy for over a decade. It's about time they found it out. Take care of them Casey. I know they both are stubborn and hard headed. So, good luck, Counselor. Let me know if it worked." Cragen says.

"I will. Talk to you later. Goodbye." Casey says.

"Goodbye, Novak." Cragen says.

Casey waits on the bench for the video. Two minutes later she has a message. She looks and sees that it's the video. She walks back to the bench Alex is sitting on.

"And? Do you get it?" Alex asks.

"Already have it. Cragen wasn't sure if you should see it. Then he said that maybe you should see it. Getting you on your game for the best closing statement you ever made or will make. His words not mine. Although I have to agree with him. So it's your choice what do you want? See it or not?" Casey asks.

"I want to see it. I think it will do me good to know what she said the last moment before she thought she could die. Do you gonna watch it with me?" Alex answers.

"No. Cragen was right about that. He said that Liv will kill us both if she finds out I saw it. And you know too that she will find out. So I'm gonna sit over that bench again. Let me know when you are done." Casey says.

Casey puts the video on the screen and paused it. Then she hands her phone over to Alex and walks back to the other bench. Alex takes a deep breath and hits the play button.

" _Hi Lex. If you see this video it means I didn't make it. I want you to know that my thoughts were with you the last moments of my live. I hope you can forgive me for getting you out of the building so fast. But I couldn't bare the thought you were here and not be safe. You are the most important person in my life, Lex. Now I know at least you are safe. You know Lex? We didn't continued our conversation. The one we were having in my apartment before we left to your office? I tell you now how I feel about you so that you know how I feel about you. I love you Alexandra Cabot. I love you with all my heart. I wished I told you that earlier. But I didn't and now this is the only way you will know. I love you more then life itself. You are the smartest, most intelligent, most cunning, most humorous and most beautiful woman I've ever met. You are sexy as hell. And with your black glasses on you are drop dead gorgeous. You are the best prosecutor New York has. Hell you are the best damn prosecutor this country has. And don't let anyone make believe you otherwise. I know you will be devastated when I'm gone. But just remember. I died as a happy woman. Because I've had you in my life. Take care of yourself Counselor. That's the only thing I wish. I love you Alexandra Cabot! Don't you ever forget that! Goodbye my love."_

Alex is overwhelmed with the words Olivia spoke to her. She hits the play button again to hear and see it again. Tears are streaming over her face. After seeing it again, Alex places the cellphone next to her on the bench. Seeing the love deceleration of Olivia makes her regretting asking that question even more. How broken she feels right now she is determined to win Olivia back. She will do anything she needs to do, to win back the brunette. She picks up the cellphone and switch it on video recorder. She takes a deep breath and hits the record button pouring her hear out.

"Hey Liv, I just watched your video. I'm really touched by your words. I love you with all my heart and soul. I fell for you the moment I looked into your eyes for the very first time. You truly are the strongest, most caring, most dedicated, most honest, most devoted, most intelligent, most sexy, most protective and stunningly beautiful woman I've ever met. You think you are way out of my league but the truth is, it's the other way around. You are way out of my league. You are everything I wished I could be. You are so beautiful inside and outside. I don't know what to do without you in my live. You ruined me for everyone else. Because there is nobody on this planet that could be equal to you. Not even close. You are my everything. Without you in my life it's meaningless. I don't know why I did it. I trust you with my life, my heart and my soul. And I know you would never do something to hurt me. I did the worst thing I could do and I will regret it and pay for it the rest of my life. Because you are the most important person in my life. I know that from now on every time I think about you or see you I die a little inside, because I lost the most precious person, most precious thing there is on this planet, in this world and that is YOU. I know there is nothing I can do to erase this. That can make it up. But I have try it. Try to make it up to in every way I can. I need to hope that I get a chance some day. I hope that some day you will be able to forgive me, even if it is a small part. Without you I'm lost. I will never be the same. I will never be complete. To be complete I need the better part of me and that is you. I will always love you till the day I die. Goodbye my everything. Goodbye my love."

Alex stops recording and saves the video on Casey's cellphone. She places it back on the bench again. Pulling her legs under her chin, Alex stares in front of her. Without actually seeing something. She hopes this will be enough to get a chance but she isn't sure. Right now Alexandra Cabot isn't sure about anything. From the other bench Casey is keeping an eye on the blonde ADA. Giving her some space. They sit like that for about 15 minutes. Alex staring in front of her and Casey keeping an eye on her. After 15 minutes Casey decides it's time to go back and sit next to blonde. She walks back to the bench Alex is sitting on and sit down next to her. She says nothing. She's just waiting for Alex being ready to talk. After a few minutes Alex looks up and looks at Casey.

"Are you ok?" Casey asks softly.

"No I'm not. I don't think I will be soon. Not without Liv." Alex whispers back.

"I know you are hurt. If and I say IF Liv don't change her mind it's gonna take a while before you will feeling better. But that's not what I think will happen. Liv is stubborn and hard headed but she loves you Alex. She needs some time to think this over. But I'm sure that when she comes to her senses she will be just as miserable as you are. You are her whole world. She is gonna blame herself for hurting you. She probable is trying to make herself believing that she doesn't deserve you. Give her some time, after she's seen the video's she will get thinking about all of this. Now what do you say if you make that video now?" Casey answers.

"I already did that. I saved it on your cellphone. I made it after I played Liv's video twice." Alex answers.

"If you did it after watching hers then I doubt Liv won't change her mind. It probably is heartbreaking because it come right out your heart. Now what do you say if we go back to the hospital, we can wait there for Liv to call me. I suggest you stick around, because after she sees your video, she probably wants to get up and look for you. And there is nothing I can do to stop her if she does. So are we going back, Counselor?" Casey asks.

"Yes let go back. Even if I can't be inside Liv's room I want to be close to her. As close as I can be for now." Alex answers.

Casey takes her cellphone and puts it back in her pocket. Both ladies get up and they start walking back to the hospital. They are back to Olivia's room 10 minutes later. They ask a nurse who is walking by for two chairs. The nurse is back after a minute with to chairs. Alex and Casey take a seat and are waiting for Olivia to call Casey. Hoping that it won't take to long before the Detective calls for her. As more times goes by Alex is getting more restless and she is pacing in the corridor. After 15 minutes Casey has enough of it. Alex starts getting on her nerves.

"Cabot, sit down. You are burning holes in the floor pacing around like this." Casey says.

"What is taking so long?" Alex asks impatient.

"Maybe she is asleep. She is on medication. She has had two major surgeries in two days. She must be exhausted." Casey answers.

"I know she has. But knowing Liv she isn't asleep. She is to stubborn for that after what happened. Can't you go to her? Knock on the door and ask of you may come inside?" Alex asks almost whines.

"I can do that. If you stop pacing around, you are making me nervous with it." Casey answers.

"Ok. I promise I stop pacing in front of you if you ask her. But if she let's you inside you can't make me stop doing it." Alex says.

"Fine. Now get your ass in that chair, Cabot." Casey says.

Alex sits down in her chair. Casey knock on Olivia's door.

"Who is there?" Olivia asks.

"It's me, Casey. May I come inside?" Casey asks.

"Yes. Come inside, Counselor." Olivia answers.

Casey looks at Alex.

"Good luck, Novak." Alex says.

"Thanks, Cabot. I think I'm gonna need it. I'll come back as soon as I can." Casey answers and opens the door and goes inside Olivia's room.

"Hey." Olivia says.

"Hey yourself. How are feeling? Physically." Casey asks.

"Like I almost got blowing up and shot twice." Olivia answers sarcastically.

"You remember that?" Casey asks enthusiastically.

"Yes. I remember it now. I remember everything again. Thanks to Alex." Olivia answers.

"What has Alex to do with it?" Casey asks.

She is getting some hope. Olivia wasn't sarcastic when she answered. So hat makes Casey think that at least Alex is not a forbidden topic.

"The look in her eyes when she asked me what was wrong. She had that same panicked look in her eyes when that car exploded with the Velez case. Remembering that explosion made me remember the explosion when that bomb went of in my apartment. And the rest followed after that" Olivia explains.

"Oh Liv. That's amazing news. I'm so happy that you remember it. I know you will recover completely now." Casey answers.

"Yes I think that too. It will be a long road I think. Mostly mentally." Olivia says, opening a door for Casey without knowing it.

"Liv, I've got something I want you to look at. No I need you to look at. But I want you not to react until you've seen it all. Ok?" Casey asks.

Olivia raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"What do you have on your sleeves, Novak?" Olivia asks.

"Do you trust me?" Casey asks.

"Yes of course do I trust you. You know that I trust you." Olivia answers.

"Trust me too now." Casey answers.

"Ok. But only because it's you who's asking. Now show me what you want me to look at." Olivia says.

Casey pulls out her cellphone and searches for the video that Cragen has send to her. When she found it she gives Olivia her phone she pulls out a headset from her pocket and pulls the plug in then she hands them too to Olivia, she waits until the Detective has put the headset in and touches the play button. Olivia wants to react but one glare from Casey stops her from doing it. She watches the whole video and then hands back the cellphone to Casey.

"I have something else I want you to look at. The only thing I'm gonna say is that you might think differently about your recovering after that. Now again don't say a word before you have seen it." Casey says.

"That's a lot you are asking here, Counselor. And a lot of trust you are asking from me." Olivia answers.

"I know. Just do it. Humor me and just do it. For the record I haven't seen what I'm about to show you. Nor have I seen the video you just watched." Casey replies.

"Fine. I don't say anything until I'm done with what ever it is you want me to look at. And thank you for not watching it." Olivia agrees.

Casey now searches for Alex's video. When she has found it she gives the phone back at Olivia and hits the play button again. Olivia looks back at the screen and sees Alex.

"_Hey Liv, I just watched your video. I'm really touched by your words. I love you with all my heart and soul. I fell for you the moment I looked into your eyes for the very first time. You truly are the strongest, most caring, most dedicated, most honest, most devoted, most intelligent, most sexy, most protective and stunningly beautiful woman I've ever met. You think you are way out of my league but the truth is, it's the other way around. You are way out of my league. You are everything I wished I could be. You are so beautiful inside and outside. I don't know what to do without you in my live. You ruined me for everyone else. Because there is nobody on this planet that could be equal to you. Not even close. You are my everything. Without you in my life it's meaningless. I don't know why I did it. I trust you with my life, my heart and my soul. And I know you would never do something to hurt me. I did the worst thing I could do and I will regret it and pay for it the rest of my life. Because you are the most important person in my life. I know that from now on every time I think about you or see you I die a little inside, because I lost the most precious person, most precious thing there is on this planet, in this world and that is YOU. I know there is nothing I can do to erase this. That can make it up. But I have try it. Try to make it up to in every way I can. I need to hope that I get a chance some day. I hope that some day you will be able to forgive me, even if it is a small part. Without you I'm lost. I will never be the same. I will never be complete. To be complete I need the better part of me and that is you. I will always love you till the day I die. Goodbye my everything. Goodbye my love."_

_The video stopped and Olivia plays it again. Wanting to see Alex again. She regretted what she has done. Sending the blonde out of room. Now she is angry and happy at the same time. Angry at herself for what she said and had done to Alex. And happy with the video Alex made for her. She is crying but doesn't care about. Doesn't care that Casey can see her crying. All she wants is seeing Alex again. She watches the video again. When it's finished she pulls the headset out and gives both items back at Casey. She takes a moment to get herself back together and then she looks at Casey._

"_She still loves me? After how I treated her, she still loves me? Does she still wants to be with me? Pursuing a relationship?" Olivia asks, surprised and hopeful. _

"_Yes she does. She loves you and she wants you. Now I know you blame yourself for what you did, as she is blaming herself for what she has done. There is nothing you can do about that. You can't turn back the time. What you can do is forgive yourself and each other. Go further were you left off. Love each other and be together." Casey answers._

_The words Casey just said spurs Olivia in action. She throws of the blankets and tries to get up and out of her bed._

"_Olivia Benson, what the hell do you think you are doing? You need to stay in bed, Detective. You've been shot twice, almost blew up and you have had two major surgeries." Casey says._

"_I'm going to look for Alex. I know she didn't left this hospital. I know she is here somewhere. I'm going to get her back in this room. That's what's I'm doing. And in order to do that I need to get out of this bed." Olivia answers, sitting at the edge of her bed and standing up._

"_Stay here. I'm gonna get her here." Casey says._

"_No, you're not. She was, correct, is MY girlfriend and I'm gonna look for her myself." Olivia answers._

"_BENSON, GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THAT BED. ALEX IS RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR ROOM." Casey yells, hoping that it will causing Alex to get in the room._

_Olivia doesn't listen, of course, and is being her usually stubborn self. She pushes herself of her bed and starts walking to the door of her room, when she hears Casey yelling that Alex is right outside. She keeps walking and yells herself._

"_ALEX! ALEX! LEX, COME BACK HERE, PLEASE." Olivia yells._

_Just when Olivia reaches the door, Alex burst inside. _


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Alex runs right into Olivia. She tried to avoid the brunette but that wasn't possible anymore. Olivia taking the full impact from their clash. Olivia puts her hand on Alex hip to steady them both.

"Ow. That hurts." Olivia mumbles.

"Olivia Benson, what are you doing out of your bed?" Alex asks.

"Looking for you. What else?" Olivia answers.

"Get your perfect ass back in your bed, Detective." Alex says.

"Calm down, Blondie. I'm not that quick right now. I was going back to my bed already." Olivia answers.

Olivia slowly walks back to her bed and carefully climbs back in it. It takes her 2 minutes but she manages it.

"Happy now, Counselor's?" Olivia asks sarcastically.

"I'll be happy if you stay in that bed. Are you crazy? You can't go out of your bed now. You have sever injuries for heaven's sake. Why didn't you listen to Casey?" Alex asks.

"I can and I did. I'm not made of sugar. And it's not that bad, Alex. My arm is the way it was. Which is nothing. And I have a few holes in my body. I've been hurt worse then this. And there is nothing wrong with my legs or feet. So I'm perfectly capable of walking, thank you very much." Olivia replies.

"That's it. I can't take this. You are injured badly, Liv. No matter what you say. I can't watch you hurting yourself or make it worse then it already is. Besides I have nothing to say over you. If you want to be so stubborn and hurt yourself, be my guest. But I'm not staying here and watch it. When you are ready to act responsible and take care of your body, let me know." Alex answers, she turns around and start walking.

"Alex? Where are you going?" Olivia asks panicked.

Alex turns around.

"Home, Olivia. I love you, I love you very much. That's why I have to do this. To protect you and myself. Before one of us say things they don't mean. Or you get out your bed and hurt yourself, the next time." Alex answers, turning back and walking out of the room.

Olivia looks shocked and so does Casey.

"Can you believe this shit? And here I thought I made a mistake, apparently not. She can wait all she want, I'm not gonna call her." Olivia says angry.

"I can understand why she does this. That doesn't mean I don't think it's stupid, or dumb." Casey answers.

"She can shove it. Casey can you go to the nursery station and get her off the visitors list, please?" Olivia asks.

"Liv, I know you are mad right now and you have every right to be mad, but are you sure you want to do that.?" Casey asks.

"Yes I'm sure. And I want the specialists gone. I can't afford them. I will do it with the specialists from this hospital. Can you arrange that too, please?" Olivia answers.

"Liv, I think you are over reacting now. Alex didn't say anything about that. She needs space, not to cut all the ties that connects the two of you. Don't you think you will make it worse if you're cutting all the ties?" Casey asks carefully.

"No, she just did that. She walked out this room without giving me a chance to reply. These are the consequences of her actions." Olivia answers.

"Ok, I will do this. I don't think it's wise though. But it's your choice to make, not mine. I'll be back in a few minutes." Casey answers and walks out of the room to go to the nursery station.

10 minutes later Casey comes back with Doctor Brown and Professor Cavanaugh, who has arrived half an hour earlier.

"Detective, this is Professor Angie Cavanaugh. Casey told me what you want. I've spoken about it with Professor Cavanaugh and she is willing to stay for the same conditions our own specialist have." Doctor Brown says.

"Hello Detective Benson, it's nice to meet you. You may call me Angie if you want." Professor Cavanaugh says.

"Nice to meet you too, Professor. And thank you for willing to stay. I really appreciate it." Olivia answers.

"Detective, I understand that you want to remove Ms. Cabot from the visitors list. Are you sure about that? Of course I don't know what happened, but I just want to be sure that you are standing behind your decision." Doctor Brown asks.

"Yes, I'm sure. She no longer have access to my room all the time. She only is allowed inside with my permission. And for now she doesn't have that." Olivia answers.

"Alright, I will remove her from the visitors list." Doctor Brown answers.

"Professor, I mean Angie, have looked at the results of my scans yet? Do you know why I woke up when I shouldn't be able to do that?" Olivia asks.

"I have had a brief look at them, you have brain damage. That's why your brains have swollen up and why you had this excruciating pain. I need to study the scans better to know what we can do about it. For now we will keep you under strong medication, to fight against the pain. As for why you woke up. I don't have an explanation for that. The surgeon who put you in a drugs induced coma did everything right. So theoretically you should be out right now. As long as the medication will help enough to control the pain I want to keep you awake. How ever if it doesn't I will bring you in a drugs induced coma again. For now the most important thing is for you to stay calm. No stress. Limited visitors. Preferably one and the same person. He or she is allowed to stay with you, so no time limit. But if there are more persons then they can stay for 10 minutes. As a total. So that means 10 minutes in the morning, afternoon and evening. If you choose for one person that person is allowed to stay here during the night to. It's less stressful if it is one person. So I will stretch the rules then. It's your choice, Detective." Professor Cavanaugh explains.

"How bad is it? The brain damage I mean." Olivia asks worried.

"For what I saw, it's bad. The part in your brains that controls your behavior and your coordination is severely damaged. Like I said. I need to study the scans better to be able to make a decision on how to treat it. For now I can't give you any guarantees. We will know if we can cure this after we started therapy and we can see the results of that. You have a very long road to recovery, Detective. I'm sorry but I don't have better news." Professor Cavanaugh says.

Olivia looks at Casey, the fear clearly in her eyes. Casey walks to the side of Olivia's bed and takes the Detective's hand in her own. Olivia takes a deep breath and asks the question she don't know if she wants to hear the answers to.

"Angie, will I be able do go back to my job?" Olivia asks softly almost whispering.

"The way it looks now, no you won't be able to go back. You will have problems with your eye hand coordination and I don't think we will be able to heal that completely. As for your behavior part of your brains, you won't change in character, so you will stay the person you are. What changes is that you won't be able to handle the stress that comes with your job. Which will lead to pain attacks like you had earlier. I'm not talking about normal stress like everybody has in their lives. But extreme stress like you have with your job. I have to study your scans to see what treatment will be most effectively. But the same goes here too, I don't think we will be able to make them go away, but I do think we will be possible to make the attacks less painful and forceful. Normally I would say I'm sure you won't be able to return to your job. But with you everything is already different, you managed to get out of a drugs induced coma, so I'm not sure. What I don't want is to give you false hope. So I think you need to have help to accept that. I know that for members of the law enforcement it's not just a job you are doing, it's your life. I'm really sorry, Detective. Most likely you will not return back to your job." Professor Cavanaugh says sadly.

Olivia tries to keep herself together in front of the Doctor and the Professor.

"Could you leave us alone for a few minutes, please?" Olivia whispers.

"Yes, of course. Call us when you are ready to talk further. Take your time Detective." Doctor Brown answers.

Both ladies leave the room and Doctor Brown closes the door behind her. The Detective now certainly needs her privacy. The moment they left Olivia's room the brunette burst out in tears. She cries uncontrollably for minutes. Casey holds Olivia's hand with one hand the other she lays on her back and start making soothing circles. She whispers comforting words to the Detective, not really know what to say. Casey knows that the Detective's world just crushed down. After 15 minutes Olivia calms down a bit.

"What am I going to do, Casey?" Olivia whispers.

"Fight Liv. You need to keep fighting, for yourself. I know it sounds worthless but you always have a chance if you keep fighting. Is there anything I can do for you, right now?" Casey answers.

"Yes there is. Can you go to Alex and try to get her back here? I really need her now." Olivia asks softly.

"Yes, of course. I'll go right now. I can't promise you that she will come with me, but I will try the best I can." Casey answers.

"I know you will. That's all I can asks of you. Can you leave your cellphone here? I want to call the Captain in the time that you are away." Olivia asks.

"Sure, no problem." Casey answers and pulls her cellphone out of her pocket and hand it over to Olivia.

"Thank you, Casey. I don't know what I would without you." Olivia answers sincerely.

"You don't need to thank me, Liv. That's what friends are for. To be there for each other when they need it the most. Now I'm going to the nurse station and stall the removing of Alex's name of the visitor list for now and then I go to Alex's apartment and try to get her back with me." Casey says.

"Yes, do that. I didn't thought about that. I can't think at all right now. Just do what ever you need to do to get her back here, Case. I can't do this without her." Olivia whispers the last part.

"I know, honey. I will do what ever I can. I promise. Now I should be back in an hour with or without Alex, ok?" Casey asks.

"Yes. See you in an hour then, oh and can you tell Doctor Brown that I only want one person here no other visitors. If Alex doesn't come back with you, I would like you to stay. Is that ok?" Olivia asks.

"Yes more then ok. I will take care of that. And if Alex doesn't come back I stay with you here. For as long as you want me to. But we handle that when it's necessary. See you in an hour, Liv." Casey answers.

"See you in an hour, Casey." Olivia answers back.

Casey stands up and leaves the room. She goes 85 to the nursery station. Luckily Doctor Brown is there. She explains that Alex needs to stay on the list for now, that she is going to the blonde ADA to get her back to the hospital. She tells the Doctor that Olivia wants only one person there. That either Alex or she will stay with her. The doctor agrees with her that that's the best. After that Casey leaves the hospital and goes to Alex. In the mean time Olivia had taken back some control over herself and she calls Cragen.

"Cragen."

"Captain, it's Olivia." Olivia says.

"Hey Liv, how are you doing? Shouldn't you be in a coma?" Cragen asks surprised.

"Yes, I should be. But for some unexplainable reason I'm not. I woke up. But that the only positive thing there is. My visitation rules have changed. I'm now allowed to have either one person with me all the time or 3 times a day a person for 10 minutes. I chose for one person all the time. So either Alex or Casey will stay with me. I don't want to see anyone else." Olivia answers.

"Ok. I understand why you chose for that option. But what do you mean with Alex or Casey? And why don't you want to see anyone else? Is there something wrong, Olivia?" Cragen asks.

"Alex and I had some words. She went home after that. I don't tell you what is was going about. Anyway Casey is at Alex's now to get her back to the hospital. If Alex won't come back with Casey, then Casey is gonna stay with me. The Professor arrived at the hospital and she was here half an hour ago. She didn't had good news. It's really bad news actually. There is no easy way to tell this. So I'm gonna say it as it is. I have some severe brain damage. In the area that controls my behavior and coordination. Now my character doesn't change. I'm still who is was and I will be, or so the Professor says, but I won't be able to handle extreme stress situations. I will get a horrible headache. Excruciating pain attack actually. I have had one before I went back into surgery. My eye hand coordination isn't good either. She will study my scans and decide what treatment I need, but I will never recover fully she thinks and the road of recovery will be long. For now she wants me to stay awake. With the help of some heavy pain medication, how ever if that won't work she will put me back in an drug induced coma. But the baddest part has to come yet. Captain... I won't be able do to my job anymore." Olivia says, trying to keep control over her emotions.

"Oh Liv, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry to hear this. There isn't a chance she is wrong about this?" Cragen asks.

"She is the best neurosurgeon there is. So no, I don't think there is a chance she is wrong about this. She did say that normally a person won't be able to do this job again, but that I already are different then others. I managed to wake up from an drug induced coma. So maybe, maybe there is a very small chance. But she said that I didn't could count on that. She wants me to have help with accepting that I lose the biggest part of my life. And I think I really gonna need it." Olivia answers.

"Is there anything I can do?" Cragen asks.

"I can't think of something right now. Hell I can't think at all. Just make sure that nobody comes here or calls me. I really don't want that now. They can call Alex or Casey to keep them posted but that's it. Can you do that for me?" Olivia asks.

"Sure, no problem. Let me know if you want to change it. Until then they will leave you alone and call Alex or Casey. Just let me know who we need to call." Cragen answers.

"I will. Now if it's alright with you I would like to hang up now. I don't really want to talk right now. I hope you will understand that." Olivia says.

"Yes, of course I understand that. Just know that whenever you want to talk, you call. Doesn't matter about what. For all I care you want to talk about the weather. Just call if you need me. I want to be there for you, Liv." Cragen says.

"I will, Captain." Olivia answers.

"Hold on, Liv. Talk to you soon." Cragen says.

"I'll try too. Goodbye Captain." Olivia says.

"Goodbye, Liv." Cragen answers and hang up.

In the mean time Casey just has arrived at Alex's apartment building. The doorman recognized Casey and told her it was alright to move on. The security guard opened the elevator and Casey goes to the top floor. She walks down the hallway and knocks on Alex's front door. A few moment later she hears Alex's heels on the floor. Alex looks trough the peephole and sees Casey standing in front of her door. She opens the door.

"Casey, hi. What are you doing here?" Alex asks.

"Hi Alex, may I come inside for a moment? We need to talk." Casey answers.

Alex steps aside to let Casey enter her apartment. After Casey walked inside she closes the door behind the redhead.

"There is not much to talk about, Casey. Assuming that Olivia asked you to go and talk to me." Alex says.

"Yes, Liv asked me to come here and to ask you to come back with me. But it's not about what you'll think it is." Casey answers.

"I won't go with you. Liv needs to think about this. It didn't change in what, an hour. If she is ready to take care of herself, I will talk with her. Until then you will come here for nothing." Alex answers.

"Alex, just listen first to what's going on before you refuse to go." Casey says.

"Listen to what? Liv can't change in hour what she has done for a long time. It doesn't..." Alex says and gets interrupted by an angry Casey.

"Cabot, shut up and sit down! You are gonna need it." Casey says angry.

Alex is taken aback with what Casey says and the way she does it. Slowly she sit down and looks at Casey with a waiting look on her face.

"Ok. I'm listening." Alex says.

Casey takes a seat next to Alex on the sofa she sits on.

"Alex, Professor Cavanaugh has visited Liv about an hour ago. It wasn't a good visitation." Casey says.

"Why? What's wrong? Is something wrong with Liv?" Alex asks worried.

"Yes something is wrong with Liv. She has brain damage. Severe damage in the part of her brain that controls her behavior and coordination. Now don't worry that her character will change because it doesn't. What's wrong is that she can't handle extreme stress situations anymore. And her eye hand coordination gives her problems. If she has to handle extreme stress situations she will get a pain attack in her head like she had before the last surgery. Professor Cavanaugh is looking at the scans again to see what kind of treatment Liv will get, she has a long recovery in front of her. But Cavanaugh thinks that she won't recover completely. Normally a person don't recover completely from this kind of injury. They can make it a lot better, the attacks will not be so strong as the one she had. But they won't disappear completely. The same goes for her eye hand coordination. Alex, Liv will not be able to get back to her job. That's over. Now things are differently with Liv, she woke up from an drug induced coma. But Cavanaugh says that she thinks that Liv needs help to learn to accept that part of her life is over. Liv asked me to come and get you because she needs you. She needs you now more then ever, Alex. I'm sorry, I don't have better news for you." Casey explains.

"Oh God, no. No no no no. Tell me this isn't true. Tell me this is not happening." Alex chokes.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you that." Casey answers softly.

Alex jumps up from the sofa.

"Let's go. I need to be with Liv. This time I won't leave her side, I promise you." Alex says.

Alex runs to her dinner table to pick up her keys and then she runs to her coat rack to pick up her coat.

Casey walks to the door and opens it and walks outside. Alex follows her and closes the door behind her and locks it. They walk to lift and go downstairs. Alex almost runs outside to Casey's car. Casey walks to her car pushing the button to unlock her car. Alex is inside the car before Casey has opened the drivers door. Casey gets into her car and start the engine and drives away. Casey attempts to make small talk to help Alex trough the time the need to get to the hospital but Alex only gives short answers, so Casey stops trying. She can understand that Alex has to much on her mind right now. She places her hand on the blonde's knee briefly and squeezes it softly. Then she puts her hand back on the steering wheel. The rest of the ride they drive in silence. As soon as they arrive at the hospital Alex jumps out the car before it stand still. She looks at Casey.

"Go on. I will park the car and come after you." Casey says.

Alex nods and closes the door. She runs inside the hospital and to elevator as fast as she can with her heels. Thankfully the elevator is downstairs and Alex can get inside immediately. She pushes the button for the first floor. When the elevator stops she goes trough the doors as soon as she is able to go trough them. She runs to Olivia's room and knocks on the door. Waiting for Olivia to say it is alright to enter the room. She hears Olivia whispering.

"Lex? Is that you?"

"Yes Liv, I'm here. May I come inside?" Alex asks as she opens the door.

"You came back." Olivia whispers, tears running down on her cheeks.

Alex walks inside and quickly walks to Olivia and pulls her in light hug.

"Oh Liv, I'm so sorry that I wasn't here. That I wasn't here when you heard that awful devastating news." Alex whispers.

"Lex, can you hold me in your arms, please?" Olivia asks softly.

"Yes of course baby, what ever you want, I'm here now." Alex answers.

Alex climbs on the bed and gently takes Olivia in her arms. Holding the brunette against her own body.

Olivia looks up and into Alex's stormy blue eyes.

"Don't leave, Lex. Please, don't leave me alone." Olivia sobs.

"I won't Liv, I won't leave your side here in the hospital or when you they release you. I won't leave you again." Alex says.

They sit together for a couple of minutes when Casey comes back inside Olivia's room. Olivia looks up when she noticed that somebody has entered the room.

"Thank you, Case. Thank you for getting her back to me." Olivia whispers.

"No need to thank me Liv. I'm glad I could do something to help you." Casey answers, as she walks to the chair next to Olivia's bed and takes a seat in it.

They sit there in silence for 10 minutes when Olivia speaks up.

"Lex, can you call Professor Cavanaugh? My head starts hurting again." Olivia asks.

"Yes of course." Alex answers and bent over to press on the button for calling help.

A minute later a nurse walks inside.

"Detective, what can I do for you?" the nurse asks.

"Can you call Professor Cavanaugh for me, please?" Olivia asks.

"Yes, of course. She will be here in couple of minutes." the nurse answers and walks outside Olivia's room.

Two minutes later Professor Cavanaugh walks inside.

"What's wrong Detective? And who is this if I may ask?" Professor Cavanaugh asks.

Olivia looks at Alex who nods slightly. Then she looks back at the Professor.

"This is my girlfriend, Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot. Alex, this is Professor Angie Cavanaugh, my neurosurgeon." Olivia introduced them to each other.

"Nice to meet you, Professor." Alex replies.

"Nice to meet you too, Ms Cabot. Like Detective Benson, you may call me Angie if you want." Professor Cavanaugh answers and then looks back at Olivia.

"What's wrong Detective?"

"My head starts hurting again." Olivia answers.

"How bad is it?" Cavanaugh asks.

"Not as bad as the last time, but it hurts." Olivia answers.

"Ok. I'm going to give you a doses of morphine. I'll give it trough your IV it works faster that way. If it doesn't get better in 10 minutes, I want you to call me back." Cavanaugh answers.

"Ok. I will." Olivia says.

Professor Cavanaugh went out the room to get the morphine and an injection needle. She was back a minute later and puts the morphine in Olivia's IV.

"10 minutes Detective. And if it gets worse in the mean time I want you to call me sooner." Cavanaugh says.

"Yes, Angie." Olivia answers.

Professor Cavanaugh turns so she can look to Alex and Casey.

"Who is gonna stay with Detective Benson?"

"I am." Alex answers.

"Ok. Ms. Novak, you can stay for now. But I need you to leave after an hour, assuming that the morphine will work."

"Understood. Thank you." Casey answers.

The professor nods to them all and leaves the room. Olivia snuggles as close into Alex as she can. She closes her eyes and lays down her head on Alex's chest. 5 minutes later she opens her eyes and looks up at Alex.

"Lex, call Cavanaugh, please. It's getting worse." Olivia says.

Alex nods and pushes the button again. A minute later the professor walks back inside.

"It's getting worse?" She asks.

"Yes." Olivia answers.

"Ok, I give you an other doses. But if that doesn't work I have to put you in a coma." Cavanaugh answers.

She puts one and an half doses in the IV.

"Same now. 10 minutes. If it doesn't get better call." Cavanaugh says.

"Ok." Olivia answers.

The professor leaves the room again. Hoping that this will help, she doesn't have a choice if this won't work. After a few minutes Alex looks down at Olivia.

"Is it getting better?" Alex asks.

Olivia looks up at Alex.

"No not yet. But it doesn't get worse either." Olivia answers and closes her eyes again.

Ten minutes after she left the room Professor Cavanaugh returns.

"How do you feel, Detective? I assume it didn't get worse otherwise you would have called." Cavanaugh asks.

"No it didn't. It's little bit better now then when you left." Olivia answers.

"That's good news. If it stays this way, I won't have to induce you. I will check again in half an hour." Cavanaugh says.

"Ok. Thank you, Angie." Olivia answers.

"Your welcome, Detective. Do you want Ms. Novak to stay a bit longer or do you want her to leave in half an hour?" Cavanaugh asks.

"I would like her to stay. For Alex and me." Olivia answers.

"Alright. But she can't stay here. She needs to leave. Till the end of the visiting hours is the most she can have." Cavanaugh answers.

"Ok. Thank you." Olivia answers.

"See you in half an hour, Detective." Cavanaugh says and walks out the room again.

"I don't have to stay that long, Liv. I'm sure you and Alex wants some time alone." Casey says.

"I know. Just stay for a while. Then Alex and I can be alone. Are you ok with that, Lex?" Olivia asks.

"Yes of course. I'd like it too if you stay for a while, Casey." Alex answers.

"Ok. Then I stay for a while." Casey says.

Olivia lays back against Alex and snuggles into the blonde's body. She puts her good arm protectively around Alex's waist and closes her eyes. Alex and Casey start making small talk. 10 minutes later Olivia has fallen a sleep against the blonde ADA.

"I let the two of you alone now. You can use some rest too." Casey says softly.

"Ok. Thank you for taking care of Liv, Case. Thank you for coming to get me." Alex answers softly back.

"No need to thank me Alex, Liv's my friend and I like it if you are my friend too. This is what you do for friends." Casey answers.

" I like that too, Casey. Being your friend I mean." Alex says.

"That's settled then. Call me if there is any news, will you?" Casey asks.

"I will. See you soon." Alex answers.

"Yeah, See you soon. Take care of your girl, Cabot." Casey says.

"I sure will do that, Counselor." Alex says.

"Good. See ya." Casey says and softly walks out of the room closing the door behind her.

Alex let her head rest on top of Olivia's and closes her eyes. 5 minutes later the blonde is also a sleep. 15 minutes later Professor Cavanaugh walks back inside Olivia's room again. When she sees the two women snuggled up against each other and sound a sleep she smiles. She turns around and walks silently out of the room and closes the door softly behind her.

"Let's hope they stay sleeping together for a few hours" Cavanaugh says softly to herself.


	22. Author's Note

I'm very very sorry. The next chapter will not be posted today. I'm busy with some research for this story and that takes more time then I initially thought it would. So I have to ask for more patience from all of you. I will post a new chapter for this story somewhere in the upcoming days. Worst case scenario is you have to wait a week. As I usually write one chapter per week for this story. I will do my best and try to post a next chapter as soon as I can. Again my sincere apologies for the delay.

PS. This has no influence on my other story. There will be no delay there because of this story.


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